Tag: My husband

Getting there..

On By NeaIn About me, Anxiety, Depression, Family, Life, Love, Mental Health, Panic attacks, StudyingLeave a comment

Yesterday I sent in the essay that was due, like 30 minutes before deadline. And I wrote on it until I sent it in. It was not my finest work, but it will have to due. I am trying to be more nice to myself. I am already feeling down and uni is not the most important thing in my life right now. Yes, I want to do well in school, but getting out of my depression and feeling like myself again is more important. So that is what I am working on.

My husband is the greatest support I can have right now. He really helps me get through the day. Without him I don’t really know I would be able to get out of bed in the morning. He listens to what I need from him and he gives it to me. Does not matter if I want him to push me to actually do things or if its just to hold my hand when things are extra hard.

I don’t know if I have written about it before but since December I been doing some cognitive behavioral therapy for my fear of dentists. It has been hard work, but I have gone through the whole treatment now. So now I have started treatment for fixing my teeth by a special dentist. I have a illness that has left me with damage on my teeth and this specialist is helping me fix it. It is going to be a treatment that will be ongoing for about a year and even though I am not as scared of the dentist anymore, it is sill scary. But I am doing it, because it is important.

Today I am working on a power point presentation for my essay that I have to present tomorrow after lunch. I am kind of nervous, but I will do my best.

I am slowly starting to feel better. My depression is ever present as well as my anxiety, but I feel like I can bet this. I have done it before and I know that it takes hard work and a lot of self love, but I am stronger than this shit and I know I will be even stronger for getting through this.

I wish you all an fantastic week and remember keep fighting! It is worth it.

Love, Nea

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Yesterday

On By NeaIn About me, Anxiety, Depression, Family, Life, Love, Mental Health, Panic attacksLeave a comment

The talk with my husband went amazing. He was as supporting and loving I knew he would be. And he asked me what I needed from him. I was honest and probably a bit clingy, but he was there for me like he always is. I still fell kind of bad over me being depressed, but he made me think about it differently. I can’t really help what is happening in my body, but I can fight it. And best part is, he made me laugh. He made me forget all the shit in my head for a while. And last night I actually slept well. Better than I have in a long while.

My husband and I talked about things that I can do for me. And things to make me less stressed. What he can do. It was nice. And I feel safe telling him about my feelings. He really listens. After I had told him all of what is going on inside my head, he looked at me and said: “I love you. We will get through this together.”

What more can I ask for? Nothing. He makes me laugh, he makes me happy. Even when I am feeling the worst, he is here for me.

I did not want to wake up this morning, but I did. I got up. I ate breakfast and now I am listening to music to get me through the morning and quieting my thought. I have about 7 academic articles I need to read today for Uni this week and what feels like a 1000 more things to do. But I am trying not to let the stress and anxiety swallow me whole. I am going to do one thing at a time and that will just have to do. I know I have my husbands support in it all.

I will try and keep writing here. Updating you on what is happening and how I am fighting my depression.

I wish you all an fantastic Sunday.

Love, Nea

Self-Care Saturday (kind of)

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Edinburgh, Great Britain, Heriot-Watt University, Mental Health, Panic attacks, picture, Self-Care Saturday, Study Abroad, StudyingLeave a comment

It Saturday and I thought that I wanted to share a post of self-care again. I have not really had time for this blog this last couple of weeks. I have spent so much time as possible to get into living here in Edinburgh. It’s been scary and amazing at the same time. I really love it here, but I miss my dogs and my family.

I have had problems with anxiety and panic attacks these last couple of weeks. I have and am scared of the world outside the door of our apartment. Every day has been a kind of struggle. I don’t want to go home, but I am tired of being scared. I am tired of the anxiety in my body every damn day. I just want to feel good.

Do you know what I do? I hug my husband a lot. I try and think of things I want to do here in Scotland. Things I want to see. And I try to read as much as possible about Scotland. I take walks with my husband in our Neighbourhood. Edinburgh is a fantastic city. I try talking to new people in school.

Sign that I see almost every day when I walk around the river Leith.

I try as hard as I can to not let my fears and anxiety keep me from living. I am only here for about four months more and I know that I don’t want to miss out because I am scared. I mean, I am here. If I have gotten this far I can do it all.

I know this was not really a self-care Saturday post as I usually did them but I wanted to share this… And maybe I can try to write a better post next Saturday.

Have a fantastic Saturday night. I am going to eat good food and watch The Voice UK.

Love, Nea

Hard couple of DAYS!

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Edinburgh, Great Britain, Life, Love, Mental Health, Panic attacks, picture, Study Abroad, Studying, TravleLeave a comment

Tomorrow is the day that School starts here in Edinburgh for me. It’s scarry and I have wanted to go home since Thursday when we arrived. It feels like something is missing. Like something is wrong… I can’t excplain it better.

I told my husband this and we had a long chat. He was very understanding and supportive. For this I am so greatful. We talked about how I miss the dogs. What makes my anxiety are through the roof. And all my fears right now. And you know what. It feels better now. It doesen’t feel completly fine. But maybe I will get there?!

We took the decision that we are going to give it 2 weeks and then se how I feel. How my mental health is and what I feel like doing. I am not a quiter but these few days I have wanted to go home and be with my dogs. And having my family just a short drive away. Not several hours away with an ocean between.

My reading nook in the apartment

I am sharing this with you becase I want to be honest. Life isn’t always easy and sometimes it’s a real pain in my ass. Days like this I hate my anxiety and panicdisorder. I usually can hold my thoughts and feelings in check. But appearently not right now…

My husband is my greatest supporter and that he believes in me. That I can do this is so helpful. I want to make him proud of me and show everyone els that I am stronger then they think.

I hope you all have an amazing Sunday. We are going to take a quiet evening in the apartment and get ready for tomorrow.

Love, Nea

Emergency Room, Sick & Exam results ~ Situation Sunday

On By NeaIn A, About me, Everyday life, Life, Love, Mental Health, Oracle, Panic attacks, Situation Sunday, Studying, ZeldaLeave a comment

It’s Sunday and another week has passed. We are getting closer and closer to Christmas and I wish it would snow outside. But we are stuck with 8 degrees Celsius and cloudy weather. I have just seen the sun for a couple of hours this week.

As you know I been home sick this week. All week, so I have missed the first two lectures of my new course, but I have maxing friends that have sent me their notes. And this week last two classes were cancelled because the professor got sick. And that’s fine by me because that means I hopefully am not sick when they are rescheduled. 

If you read my post from Monday night, you know my husband had to go to the Emergency Room, but the doctors think it was just his cold and fever that was the problem. He is still not okay. And I am actually still worried about him. He hates going to the doctor, but I feel like I might have to convince him to go next week if he doesn’t get better. 

Oracle and Zelda on a walk this week

I got some amazing news on Tuesday afternoon, but I will share that with you in another post later on. Right now I just want to keep it secret for a little while longer. But it’s about the same thing that I wrote a post about for a couple of weeks ago. You can read it here.

And as you might have read on Wednesday, my husband and I had been together for 12 years that day. We did not calibrate because we both were sick so we will do that another day.

My husband and I in autumn 2007.

Friday I went to my grandmother’s house to start going through the things that we are dividing between my father, my uncle, my brother and me. My grandmother passed away in August, and my father and uncle have been going through her house for about two months now dividing things between them and now they thought it was my brother and my time to see if we wanted anything after her and my grandfather. It was really hard being there and going through her things. I miss her so much. But I am thankful for all the memories and that I get to keep some things as a memory after her. I am going back today to look at some more things and see my uncle.

And this afternoon my husband and I are eating dinner with my mother, my father, my brother, my sister-in-law and my nephew at my parent’s apartment. 

I also got the news on Friday, that I passed my Statistic Exam. I am so happy. Now I can focus fully on my Law course and place the statistic books in my bookshelf. And hopefully, I will never study Statistics again. 

This weeks posts are:

I hope everyone have an fantastic Sunday.

Love, Nea

Love ~ Throwback Thursday

On By NeaIn A, Love, Throwback, Throwback Thursday1 Comment

It’s time for Throwback Thursday and because my husband and I had our 12 year anniversary yesterday as a couple I want to share a picture of him and me together in the early days of our relationship. 

My husband and me, Autumn 2007

My husband and I have been through thick and thin, but we are still here and we still love each other.

A lot of people thought we were too young when we got together. And even more so when moved into an apartment after 1,5 years relationship. This was a couple of weeks before I turned 18 and he turned 20, but we didn’t care. And now I am really glad that I didn’t listen to them.

Now I am married to the love of my life and the man that is my best friend.

12 years ago today

On By NeaIn A, Life, Love1 Comment

Today it has been 12 years since my husband and I became a couple. If someone would have told me for 13 years ago that I would be here living with my husband and two dogs, I would not have believed them. I did not feel like someone could love me for me. But now I am happily married to my best friend and the love of my life.

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My husband in the sunset, taken a couple of years ago. 

He’s there for me in so many ways. And I know that he will always be here for me. He is the glue that holds me together in tough times. He’s my rock that keeps me steady when I have a hard time standing up. He’s my shelter when I feel scared.

I am lucky to have this amazing man in my life and to call him my husband. Next week we have been married for 4 months.

I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with this fantastic man.

I love you A!

 

Not thrombus

On By NeaIn A, Life, Studying1 Comment

So I remember that I never wrote yesterday to tell you what the status with my husband’s health is. He does not have thrombus. We got the news 3 o’clock in the morning and he was sent home to rest and with the orders to take fever-lowering medicine and to contact the hospital if the fever hasn’t gone in a few days.

I am thankful that he doesn’t have thrombus, but it would have been nice to know what’s wrong with him. The doctors think he might have pains in his arms because of his fever. We just have to wait and see.

I was home all day yesterday with him. I was too tired to drive to campus and go on my lectures. Two hours of driving is not a good idea if you can’t even stay awake when you sit on the sofa studying.

I hope you have an amazing day!

Love, Nea

 

Worried

On By NeaIn Life, Love, Panic attacks1 Comment

Right now I am sitting in my parent’s kitchen waiting to hear from my husband. He’s at the Emergency Room. Hopefully, it’s nothing serious but when he got home today he had pain in his right arm. We found a bruise and I git worried because he is not a person that whines and he had surgery two weeks ago. My first instinct was that he had gotten a thrombus. He called the medical information and they said he should go to the emergency room.

I and the dogs went with him and then we went to my parents so I can drive him home when he gets to come home. Now I just hope its nothing serious.

I am having some anxiety and panic over this. And I am glad that I am at my parents for support. Here in Sweden its half past eleven in the evening right now. And I want to sleep but I know that I can’t until I know how my husband is doing.

Exam, surgery and winter tires – Situation Sunday

On By NeaIn Life, Love, Situation Sunday, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

So I decided to try a new kind of Situation Sunday because I feel like my old ones weren’t really what I wanted to share with you. I will probably write some news from around the world on Situation Sunday, but it will mostly be about my week and my thoughts in the future. If you don’t have any requests.

This week have been eventful. And I will share bits of it with you.

On Monday I had my Statistics Exam from 8 in the morning to 1 in the afternoon. I feel like I have a very slim chance of getting a passing grade on that exam, so I will probably have to take it again in December. And for that, I am really sad, but I did my best and my head wasn’t really in the game so to say.

On Monday afternoon my husband underwent surgery. It’s a surgery we have waited for a couple of months and it was nice that it was finally happening. But the surgery was postponed from 1 o’clock in the afternoon to 2 in the afternoon. When I talked to him after my test he said that they also had some delays. I went to his work to eat some lunch and wait for the operation to finish because I was driving him home. His operation started at 3 o’clock in the end. But now its done. And it went well and he is now recovering.

It’s been snowing some here at the beginning of the week and in Sweden, you need to have winter tires on your car between 1 of December to the 31 of Mars. But you need to have winter tires on before that if there are ice and snow on the roads before that. And my husband’s car is a company car that didn’t have winter tires so on Monday I had my parents car and also on Tuesday. On Wednesday my husband got new winter tires on his car but now it’s not cold out anymore. I am hoping for the cold to get back soon. I want to have winter in November and December.

My husband needs to take it easy after his surgery and should not lift things or take it easy. So this week I have tried to make life as easy for him as possible and made sure that he doesn’t lift things. And that has been hard to do because he does not like sitting still. He likes being active.

Last Sunday we place a bid on a kitchen table and 6 chairs from an auction that my mother-in-law’s boyfriend runs. We only saw pictures of it but it looked really nice and my mother-in-law went to the action and saw it so we trusted her judgment. And I am so glad that we did. Because we won so now we have a new kitchen table and chairs. The set is so much better than any set we have watched on furniture stores. Flash forward to this Wednesday when we got the delivery of the furniture. My brother came to help us with the lifting, but we couldn’t get somebody else, so my husband decides that he will carry the table with my brother, even tho he should not do that. At the end after a lot of bickering between my husband and me, and then between my husband and my mother-in-law, she came and helped my brother and me in with the table and chairs. And I am so grateful for her and my brothers help.

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Our new table and 4 of the 6 chairs.

And yesterday I spent the whole day in bed because I was not feeling well. And I am really sad because we were going to meet my mother-in-law’s boyfriends daughter and her family. Something I had been looking forward to, but I will just have to meet them another day.

Now that some parts from my eventful week. I didn’t write anything about my mental health struggles this week, that is not because I didn’t have any but because I feel like I don’t need to share it with you today. I more or less always fighting with my anxiety and my panic attacks, but I don’t want it to be my entire life. I will write about it in other posts in the future just not today. Today is a good day.

I hope you don’t mind me changing Situation Sunday. And that you have an amazing week to come!

Love, Nea