It Saturday and I thought that I wanted to share a post of self-care again. I have not really had time for this blog this last couple of weeks. I have spent so much time as possible to get into living here in Edinburgh. It’s been scary and amazing at the same time. I really love it here, but I miss my dogs and my family.
I have had problems with anxiety and panic attacks these last couple of weeks. I have and am scared of the world outside the door of our apartment. Every day has been a kind of struggle. I don’t want to go home, but I am tired of being scared. I am tired of the anxiety in my body every damn day. I just want to feel good.
Do you know what I do? I hug my husband a lot. I try and think of things I want to do here in Scotland. Things I want to see. And I try to read as much as possible about Scotland. I take walks with my husband in our Neighbourhood. Edinburgh is a fantastic city. I try talking to new people in school.
I try as hard as I can to not let my fears and anxiety keep me from living. I am only here for about four months more and I know that I don’t want to miss out because I am scared. I mean, I am here. If I have gotten this far I can do it all.
I know this was not really a self-care Saturday post as I usually did them but I wanted to share this… And maybe I can try to write a better post next Saturday.
Have a fantastic Saturday night. I am going to eat good food and watch The Voice UK.
Tomorrow is the day that School starts here in Edinburgh for me. It’s scarry and I have wanted to go home since Thursday when we arrived. It feels like something is missing. Like something is wrong… I can’t excplain it better.
I told my husband this and we had a long chat. He was very understanding and supportive. For this I am so greatful. We talked about how I miss the dogs. What makes my anxiety are through the roof. And all my fears right now. And you know what. It feels better now. It doesen’t feel completly fine. But maybe I will get there?!
We took the decision that we are going to give it 2 weeks and then se how I feel. How my mental health is and what I feel like doing. I am not a quiter but these few days I have wanted to go home and be with my dogs. And having my family just a short drive away. Not several hours away with an ocean between.
I am sharing this with you becase I want to be honest. Life isn’t always easy and sometimes it’s a real pain in my ass. Days like this I hate my anxiety and panicdisorder. I usually can hold my thoughts and feelings in check. But appearently not right now…
My husband is my greatest supporter and that he believes in me. That I can do this is so helpful. I want to make him proud of me and show everyone els that I am stronger then they think.
I hope you all have an amazing Sunday. We are going to take a quiet evening in the apartment and get ready for tomorrow.
It’s Sunday and another week has passed. We are getting closer and closer to Christmas and I wish it would snow outside. But we are stuck with 8 degrees Celsius and cloudy weather. I have just seen the sun for a couple of hours this week.
As you know I been home sick this week. All week, so I have missed the first two lectures of my new course, but I have maxing friends that have sent me their notes. And this week last two classes were cancelled because the professor got sick. And that’s fine by me because that means I hopefully am not sick when they are rescheduled.
If you read my post from Monday night, you know my husband had to go to the Emergency Room, but the doctors think it was just his cold and fever that was the problem. He is still not okay. And I am actually still worried about him. He hates going to the doctor, but I feel like I might have to convince him to go next week if he doesn’t get better.
I got some amazing news on Tuesday afternoon, but I will share that with you in another post later on. Right now I just want to keep it secret for a little while longer. But it’s about the same thing that I wrote a post about for a couple of weeks ago. You can read it here.
And as you might have read on Wednesday, my husband and I had been together for 12 years that day. We did not calibrate because we both were sick so we will do that another day.
Friday I went to my grandmother’s house to start going through the things that we are dividing between my father, my uncle, my brother and me. My grandmother passed away in August, and my father and uncle have been going through her house for about two months now dividing things between them and now they thought it was my brother and my time to see if we wanted anything after her and my grandfather. It was really hard being there and going through her things. I miss her so much. But I am thankful for all the memories and that I get to keep some things as a memory after her. I am going back today to look at some more things and see my uncle.
And this afternoon my husband and I are eating dinner with my mother, my father, my brother, my sister-in-law and my nephew at my parent’s apartment.
I also got the news on Friday, that I passed my Statistic Exam. I am so happy. Now I can focus fully on my Law course and place the statistic books in my bookshelf. And hopefully, I will never study Statistics again.
It’s time forThrowback Thursday and because my husband and I had our 12 year anniversary yesterday as a couple I want to share a picture of him and me together in the early days of our relationship.
My husband and I have been through thick and thin, but we are still here and we still love each other.
A lot of peoplethought we were too young when we got together. And even more so when moved into an apartment after 1,5 years relationship. This was a couple of weeks before I turned 18 and he turned 20, but we didn’t care. And now I am really glad that I didn’t listen to them.
Now I am married to the love of my life and the man that is my best friend.
Today it has been 12 years since my husband and I became a couple. If someone would have told me for 13 years ago that I would be here living with my husband and two dogs, I would not have believed them. I did not feel like someone could love me for me. But now I am happily married to my best friend and the love of my life.
He’s there for me in so many ways. And I know that he will always be here for me. He is the glue that holds me together in tough times. He’s my rock that keeps me steady when I have a hard time standing up. He’s my shelter when I feel scared.
I am lucky to have this amazing man in my life and to call him my husband. Next week we have been married for 4 months.
I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with this fantastic man.
So I remember that I never wrote yesterday to tell you what the status with my husband’s health is. He does not have thrombus. We got the news 3 o’clock in the morning and he was sent home to rest and with the orders to take fever-lowering medicine and to contact the hospital if the fever hasn’t gone in a few days.
I am thankful that he doesn’t have thrombus, but it would have been nice to know what’s wrong with him. The doctors think he might have pains in his arms because of his fever. We just have to wait and see.
I was home all day yesterday with him. I was too tired to drive to campus and go on my lectures. Two hours of driving is not a good idea if you can’t even stay awake when you sit on the sofa studying.
Right now I am sitting in my parent’s kitchen waiting to hear from my husband. He’s at the Emergency Room. Hopefully, it’s nothing serious but when he got home today he had pain in his right arm. We found a bruise and I git worried because he is not a person that whines and he had surgery two weeks ago. My first instinct was that he had gotten a thrombus. He called the medical information and they said he should go to the emergency room.
I and the dogs went with him and then we went to my parents so I can drive him home when he gets to come home. Now I just hope its nothing serious.
I am having some anxiety and panic over this. And I am glad that I am at my parents for support. Here in Sweden its half past eleven in the evening right now. And I want to sleep but I know that I can’t until I know how my husband is doing.