Motivational Monday ~ January 17

First post of 2022. I have been planning to post for the last 17 days, but just have not had the energy or motivation. I have been taking it kind of easy these first weeks of 2022. Charging my batteries. A lot has already happened this year and I am still working on my mental health. I think it’s important to remember that mental health is something you need to take care of, it takes time, but it is important to give yourself the time to take care of yourself.

However, this post is a motivational post or at least trying to be. A person who I looked up to a lot, and still look up to, passed in the end of 2021. And I wanted to celebrate her, especially today, on what would have been her 100th birthday. This is why I choose this quote for today’s motivational quote.

I think it’s important to try and remember to laugh. To find the time to laugh at yourself or situations. I know it’s hard. Especially with so much shit going around in the world. However, Covid not going anywhere, if I have gotten it right, and we just have to make the best of what we got. So try and be happy. Make and do things that make you happy. Spend some extra time on yourself, even if it’s just five minutes of extra self-care in the morning. Because you are worth it!

Now I am going to get started on my day. I am starting four new classes today.

Last day of 2021

It’s kind of scary to say goodbye to 2021. What can we expect from 2022? The restrictions have become stricter again in Sweden and I know that the Covid numbers are up. But I think we just have to keep doing our best and keep on moving forward.

My year has been both good and bad, but I am not giving up. I have made a lot of progress since I had my big meltdown at the end of May, and I know I still have a long way to go. But as long as I am working on it there is nothing wrong with taking it slow. I am going to get through this.

I am very thankful for my friends and family that have supported me this year. They have been there for me through it all and I can’t explain how much I love them and how safe they have made me feel. My husband has been especially supportive. He has been there through my worst and not left me. I know that might sound strange to write, but so many times during the year, I was so insecure and thought this it is. He will leave me. But instead, he just kept loving me and being what I needed. So if you are reading this Darling, thank you. I love you!

I am both looking forward and dreading 2022. There are so many things that are up in the air for me, but with my husband by my side I know I can get through it all.

I wish you all a fantastic 2022! And A Happy New Year!

Love, Nea

Lists

I guess I am not the only one who is forgetful. And I know that there are more people with depression and anxiety who need to have goals of what to do during the day to be able to get things done. This means that I write a lot of lists. Lists of things I need to do, like the dishes or laundry and watering the plants. But also lists of what groceries are needed, what we are going to eat that week, as well as lists of what I want to share on this blog and my Instagram linked to this blog. As well as on my bookstagram and book blog. I also write lists of what I am thankful for and the top three things that have happened in a week. This helps me find the light in the dark.

I think I write lists of almost everything and it helps me. Helps me remember, helps me get things done, and helps me focus on good things. I know some people get annoyed when I talk about my lists, but they help me. Therefore they are important.

Today I started once again on a list of what I am thankful for. This is a list that never really changes, only smaller things on it or seasonal things. But it helps me. I want to share this list with you. It might help you or give you the idea to try your own list. So here goes:

What I am thankful for:

  • My Husband
  • Oracle (my corgi)
  • Zelda (my second corgi)
  • My family
  • My friends
  • My house
  • My happy childhood memories
  • My writing
  • My books
  • The food I eat
  • The clothes
  • My warm and comfy bed
  • My time
  • My garden
  • The woods around me
  • The animals that I see living in the woods
  • The sun
  • The smell of the warming fire in our fireplace
  • My stubbornness
  • The hope of a white winter
  • The happiness I feel when I watch my husband
  • the happiness I feel when my dogs chase each other on the frosty ground in the garden
  • The happiness I feel when my nephew or neice wants to play or just be with me
  • Having somewere to share my struggles

This list is shorter than the real list. But this is what I wrote in about five minutes. And looking at it makes me feel thankful and blessed. I also have hope for the future. I have so much love and support around me and I know I can make it through. Just as I know that you can make it through.

Love, Nea

World Mental Health Day 2021

Today is World Mental Health Day. I read that this day was first celebrated in 1992, almost 20 years. A lot have changes since then, but there is still a lot of misinformation and shame linked to mental health.

I still have times that people look at me strange when I tell them about my depression and/or anxiety. Some people don’t want to get to know me because of this. Some companies don’t want to employ me because of this. But you know what? I am more than my mental health issues. I am more than my depression. I am more than my anxiety. I am just as important as other people. I am just as worthy of love and affection. Of friendship. Of living. I am not worth less than anyone else.

You are not worth less. You are worthy of love, friendship and so much more. We all are. It does not matter if we have mental health problems or not.

I hope that we in another 20 years can be more open without being judged. I hope that we can continue working for a better world for all of us. I don’t want people to be ashamed about their struggles. I want people to be able to be open, and get the help ans support they need.

I know we all can do better and help spread the awareness. I am trying to be more open with my struggles and I hope you can to. It’s okay to have problems. It’s okay to ask for help.

Voices ~ Jana Kramer

I have started to listen to songs that help me feel more confident or at least help me deal with my feelings. I am one of those people who can listen to the same song over and over again. And today I want to share one of those songs with you. This is a new song that was released last week.

It is called Voices and it is Jana Kramer that sings it. I love Jana Kramer, she has an incredible voice and she has so much things to share. This song is about feeling that you are worthy of love and stop listening to the voices in your head. When I first heard this song I feel as she was singing of me. I often feel like I am not enough and that I don’t deserve my husbands love. But this song has helped me start being more nice to myself. So I hope that that might do the same for you.

Because you are amazing and worthy of love! Ignore the voices in your head.

Motivational Monday ~ September 6th

Monday morning and I am so tired. This weekend was not a lot of rest, I studied a lot and tried to get some things done at home. I have a deadline for the master thesis. 15 of September, only nine days away. It is scary and it is stressful. But I can do this.

I think it is important to remember to do your best. Sometimes it all goes wrong, but then you just have to get up and try again. At least that is what I think. I know I might not get a passing grade on my thesis, but I am doing my very best. Therefore I choose this quote for this week.

So when life knocks you down. Scream, cry or what ever you need. Then get back up again. I know you can do it!

I wish you all an fantastic week.

Love, Nea

Motivational Monday ~ 30 August

Time for another Motivational Monday. Today my term at Uni starts. The plan at the moment is that this will be my last term and then out in the real world, or as I call it employment. It’s been hard to get work these last years, because of Covid. Companies do not want to employ people without any experience, which means that I with my mental health, my lack of employment history and fresh from uni makes it hard to get a job. I have been trying for since I got my Bachelors Degree.

As many of you might know, depression makes one kind of pessimistic. To be honest, it sucks. I grew up trying to be optimistic. Trying to see the good in everything and find the silver lining. Now I just see problems and difficulty’s. I am working on getting back to being more optimistic which is why I thought the following quote would be a good one for this weeks Motivational Monday.

I don’t know if people will really feel like this is motivational, but for me it is a reminder to try and find opportunity’s and what is good. I know it’s not possible in every situation, but I want to try and get back some of my old self. I want to try and turn my thoughts into more positive thoughts. I think it might help with my depression.

I don’t know about you, but don’t you think it is better to try and make situations better by trying to see it from a more positive outlook than to be negative about everything? At least that is what I am going to try and do.

I wish you all an fantastic week!

Love, Nea

Important to remember

Sometime you need to make decisions that are hard, even though you know that it is for your own sake. Like today. I had to withdraw from a course, because I need to finish my master thesis and I can’t do that and study 100%. That would mean that I would be putting in at least 80 hours weeks until the end of September. And my mental health would not handle that. I would be a wreck.

It feels like a failure, but I needed to do this for me. For my health. For my well-being. I need to be better at realizing that it is: It is okay to put yourself first. It is okay to make sure that you don’t stress to much.

Maybe some of you also need to remember that. I don’t know. But I have promised myself as well as my husband to be better at putting my health above studying and getting good grades. It is not the end of the world if I fail, my health is more important.

Just needed to get this out of my head, and I though it might be something someone else needed to read (hear).

Motivational Monday ~ 23 August

Monday again and a new week. Today my husband started work again after three weeks vacation, not that he got a lot of rest. He has been busy with renovating our house and helping family members. As well as working a bit, even though he shouldn’t have. I feel bad, because he is working so hard every day for us. But I also know that he has a hard time sitting still and doing nothing. He likes being busy and I try to support that. Since we aren’t going on any vacation this year, because of Covid, we have just been home. I have been trying to work on my master thesis and getting ready for school to start again. It starts next week.

But enough about that. It’s time to share my motivational quote for the week:

This is something I say to myself. I need to get things started and going. I can’t just talk about it. As I always say, even one step is progress. I have so many things that I procrastinate and it gets worse when my mental health is bad. I just want to lay in bed and do nothing.

I hope this motivates you to start doing something you have been talking about. Maybe it’s to start a blog or ask that cute person out on a date? Maybe its to get out of bed and train in the morning? Or maybe it is allow some time each week for self-care?

I wish you all an amazing week! You are fantastic!

Love, Nea

7 years ago

This is a hard post to write for me, but I want to share. So here goes:

About 7 years ago I had a miscarriage, my first, but not my only. But this is the one that hurt, the one that affected me most. I will try and explain short.

7 years ago I was on a trip for a bigger competition. I was not competing, but family-members were as well as some of my friends. My husband (then boyfriend) stayed home to work, so I went with my parents and brother. We had my dog Oracle with us, she was about 1 year old. Before the trip I had not had my period for a long time and my boyfriend and I suspected that I might be pregnant. This was unplanned and not really something we had talked about. We decided to wait and take a test when I got back from my trip.

But I got a miscarriage on the ferry ride back to the mainland. I was scared and there was nothing to do. It really wreaked me. Since then I have had a couple of more miscarriages.

This scared me as well as some other issues so I got to see a specialist. And to make a long complicated story short I found out I can get pregnant, but not keep a baby in me. If I by any small miracle would keep the baby it would be with my life on the line.

All of this is something that has affected my mental health a lot. I have not talked a lot about this to anyone, but I feel like it is time to change this. Not only to heal, but also for people to understand that this is things that happens. Not everyone can have a baby, and that is okay. A possibility is always to adopt or to be foster-parents.

For my husband and me we are not there at the moment, and might never be. All I know is that I will never have biological children and I am okay with that. Some days are hard, but I have had about a couple of years with this and the closest family know about it.

What I am sick of is people asking me or my husband when we are having children. Or people who thinks I need to have children to be a woman. My life is not worthless just because I can’t have children. I am just worth as much.

Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get all of this out.