Long time, no write

I been away from this blog for a couple of weeks now, and the reason is that I have not had the time or energy to write anything. I been studying for at least 50 hours a week. It has drained my energy and I still have all the other “normal” things to do. Like housework and try and spend time with my husband and dogs. I am stressed almost every hour and sleep where badly. This affects my anxiety, so I am really not feeling myself.

I am fighting to keep my mood up and keep on going. I know that it is going to be a couple of more hard weeks and then I hope it is going to be better. If not, well then I just need to keep going anyway. I am a fighter and I am so close to getting my degree. I am not going to fall down on the finish line.

But good news, the renovation on the new house is going forward and we hope to be able to move in this year. I am hoping on November, but I been an optimist before.

Now I really need to go back to studying. I just wanted to let you all know I am alive. I wish you all an amazing week.

Love, Nea

World Mental Health Day

Today it’s the World Mental Health Day. And it is to increase the awareness about mental health. This is something that I think is very important. Do you know how many people around the world that have mental health problems? I know that there are a lot more people than we know about. Mental health is just as important as any physical illness.

When I was a child, mental health was not something that I heard about. Not from adults, in school or anything like that. When I started having problems when I was 13 years old, it was so secretive. It felt like I should be ashamed about my problems. I got to go to therapy at a special child psychologist at the hospital and I was so ashamed, because that was how I got the notion from everybody around me. I don’t remember that my parents or brother being ashamed about me, but if I said anything to like a teacher they looked at me like I had grown three more heads.

When I got in to therapy for the second time I was 17 years old and everything came crazing down. I had an unknown illness in an out of hospital up to five times a week and they could not find anything wrong with me. I had to stop going to school and I was just sitting at home in the apartment afraid to do anything. Afraid to go out. Afraid I was going to die when I was alone. All this bought out the worst in me. My depression grew. I got anxious. I had panic attacks. I leaned heavily on my boyfriend and family. I got through it with their help and doctors found my out what unknown illness I had. It turned out I did not just have one, but three that kind of worked together…

Now I live a more “normal” life. I still have to fight with my mental health almost daily. I still have anxiety, panic attacks and get depressed. But I have tools to work with that help. I get the love and support of my husband, family and friends. And I talk about it. I am not ashamed about what has happened to me. I am not ashamed about my mental health, it is part of me. I am not perfect but I am me. I am stronger than most other people, because you know what, I did not give up. And I refuse to crawl into a corner and let life pass me by. My mental health does not define me and I will not let it define you anyone else. You are so much more then your depression, anxiety, panic attacks or what else you are fighting with.

If you have problems with you mental health, please talk to someone. Get help. This is not something you need to go through alone. Talk about what is going on in your mind, don’t be ashamed. There are so many people out there that have the same problems. You can fight this! I believe in you.

And to show you how many people that you know that has mental health problems here is a list of celebrities that have mental health problems (if you click on the links you come to videos or articles where they talk about mental health):

  • Jared Padalecki – depression (Always keep fighting)
  • Adele – depression
  • Ryan Reynolds – anxiety
  • Chrisy Teigen – Postpartum depression
  • Lena Dunham – anxiety
  • Dakota Johnson – Anxiety
  • Emma Stone – Anxiety and Panic Attacks
  • Gina Rodriguez – Anxiety
  • Ellen DeGeneres – Depression
  • Lili Reinhart – Anxiety
  • Lady Gaga – Depression and Anxiety
  • Olivia Munn – OCD
  • J.K. Rowling – Depression
  • Ellie Goulding – Panic Attacks
  • Zendaya – Anxiety
  • Selena Gomez – Anxiety, panic attacks and depression
  • Sarah Silverman – Panic Attacks and Depression
  • Kristen Bell – Depression
  • Gwyneth Paltrow – Postpartum depression
  • Princess Diana – Post-natal depression
  • Cara Delevinge – Depression
  • Chris Evans – Anxiety and Depression
  • Prince Harry – anxiety

“I, for a long time, have been passionate about people dealing with mental illness and struggling with depression, or addiction, or having suicidal thoughts and, strangely enough, it’s almost like the life I live, as well. I was 25 years old. I had my own TV show. I had dogs that I loved and tons of friends and I was getting adoration from fans and I was happy with my work, but I couldn’t figure out what it was; it doesn’t always make sense is my point. It’s not just people who can’t find a job, or can’t fit in in society that struggle with depression sometimes.” ~ Jared Padalecki, to Variety.

“There’s nothing weak about struggling with mental illness,” she wrote in an essay for Motto. “For me, depression is not sadness. It’s not having a bad day and needing a hug. It gave me a complete and utter sense of isolation and loneliness. Its debilitation was all-consuming, and it shut down my mental circuit board. I felt worthless, like I had nothing to offer, like I was a failure. Now, after seeking help, I can see that those thoughts, of course, couldn’t have been more wrong. It’s important for me to be candid about this so people in a similar situation can realize that they are not worthless and that they do have something to offer. We all do. ” ~ Kristen Bell

Kerry Washington told Glamour: “I say that publicly because I think it’s really important to take the stigma away from mental health. My brain and my heart are really important to me. I don’t know why I wouldn’t seek help to have those things be as healthy as my teeth. I go to the dentist. So why wouldn’t I go to a shrink?”

So know this; You are not alone in this. There is help to get. And please don’t be ashamed of your mental health!

Love, Nea

Motivational Monday ~ October 7th

It’s is Monday and I am at home. I am actually going to be home this whole day. We finished out project on Friday and the day to hand it in is tomorrow before a lecture, so the plan for the day is to study for my exam next week.

So Monday means a motivational post from me and this saying always makes me smile. It is one that I heard for the first time from one of my teachers many when I was like 14 years old and it has kind of stuck with me since then. It is also this weeks quotes in my home made calendar. So it is fitting that I share it here with you.

Good saying isn’t it. I think we all need to be more positive in our life. I know that life can knock you down and it can all feel very negative, but there is almost always some way to spin it into a positive. Almost always.

Some days I have a big problem to be positive, but I try. For my sake, but also people around me. A negative person can easily pull down people around them and I don’t want to be that kind of a person.

I hope you like the days quote. And I wish you all an magical week!

Love, Nea

Grumpy dog and bloody floor

Yesterday did not go as planed at all. My parents where suppose to have the dogs until tonight, but my mum was not feeling well. So we had the dogs home over the evening and the night. Today my parents have the dogs over the day and then after Uni today I am getting them back. My parents are helping us with the dogs a lot and I am so grateful for it. But my mind was so set on a evening alone, without no dogs and no husband. Now I got a evening with the dogs. And a very grumpy Oracle. She was so mad at me yesterday.

It all began when my mum was cutting Oracles claws and she accidentally cut too much, so there was a lot of blood. Blood on the floor, on the dog and well it felt like everywhere. I know I am exaggerating, but I have a problem with blood, I get lightheaded and I have passed out. This might sound strange, but if it is a stranger that’s bleeding I can handle it, but if it is someone I care about, I can’t. At least not if I am not alone with the one that bleeds. I know this is so weird, but it’s just how it is. I think it might have something to do with my anxiety. Like it triggers something in me. Maybe some kind of fears to lose someone I care about.

Any how, after that the bleeding would not stop, not for long at least because Oracle wanted to lick her paws clean. So it started bleeding again. So we had to put a bandage on Oracles paw and then a kind of protective sock. She hates this. It makes her grumpy and she was showing me her feelings about it the whole evening. It is hard to tell a dog that it is for her best, even though I feel like she understands most things that I tell her, I know we have different opinions about this. I hope she will be less grumpy this evening. I just want to cuddle down under a blanket on the sofa and maybe get some writing done. And I hope that the dogs want to cuddle down with me. But we will just have to see.

Today my friends and I are hoping to get our project finished so we can have a day at home on Monday to study for our exam. So please keep your fingers crossed for us. Now I really need to get to it. I will try and take time to write here soon again.

I wish you all a fantastic Friday!

Love, Nea

Motivational Monday – September 16

Good morning! Today I have one of those days where it feels like I have a million things to do and so little time. This week at Uni will be packed and I have a lot of other things to do as well.

Today’s motivational quotes is from one of my favorite actors and role-models. He is an inspiration and I try to live by this quote even though my anxiety makes that hard, most days.

Some days are harder then others not to worry. And I know it can be a struggle living with mental health problems. I am not saying that this is easy for me. I want to be as open as I can here, but sometimes I feel like I need to think more about the positive sides of my life and not just focus on my mental health problems. I fight my anxiety and panic attacks almost daily. And my depression always comes along on the most difficult days. Some days I feel like I am Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh. The daily struggle is increased when I have stress in my life, and right now I got a lot of stress in my life. But I try to deal with it the best I can. It is a work in progress, but I know that if I can do this, so can you!

So now I am going to take a deep breath and try my hardest not to worry. Then I am going to get all the things I need today ready. Pack it and the dogs in the car. Drive to my parents and drop the dogs of there. Then its of to Uni for the day.

I wish you all an amazing week and try not to worry. I know its hard, but I belive in you!

Love, Nea

Motivational Monday ~ September 9th

It’s Monday again and I am feeling kind of excited. I had a quiet hard week last week. With a lot of stress and a few mini breakdowns, because it kind of just got to mutch. But my husband helped me through it and now I feel stronger. I know this week is going to be a killer week with long days and hard work at campus, but I am learning a lot and I know that in the end it is all worth it.

Today’s Motivational Quote is an important quote to me, it might not be as motivational as the quotes I use to post. This is more about self-worth, but I feel like it is an important part of life.

This is a quote that helped me when I desided to cut a couple of people out of my life. People who only made me feel bad about my self and that always made me feel like I don’t belong. But not any more. I don’t let people make me feel like that anymore. I matter and I am loved.

And I hope you know that you matter and are loved as well. Don’t let anyone make you feel less of yourself. Be yourself and cut out people who don’t treat you good. I know it can be hard at times, but it is worth it.

Now I need to get some studying done. I wish you all an fantastic week.

Love, Nea

Last semester

Today my last semester at this University starts, or at least the last planed semester. I am thinking about taking one more semester at uni, maybe not this university. I am going to try and get a meeting with my student counselor and look at the course I want to take.

One of the songs that motivates me right now.

I only have afternoon lectures today, two of them. And the last one ends at six this evening, which means I won’t be home until earliest 7. It’s going to be a long day and I am kind of nervous. This might sound strange, I mean this is my uni, where I already gone for four semesters. But since I went my 5th semester abroad and now I am back here in Sweden, it feels kind of weird. I mean, I am not really the same woman that left Sweden. I feel like I have grown a lot and I know more of what I want in life.

I have always loved my uni, but I loved the Heriot-Watt University as well, and I know I will miss it. But it is really nice to do my last semester here in Sweden. I am looking forward to Autumn and yesterday morning I could almost smell the Autumn in the air. It was cold and crisp. This morning I almost wanted to go inside again because I thought it was so cold, but Zelda was happy just walking and sniffing on everything.

One of the motivating songs I listen to today.

Oracle went with my husband to work earlier this morning and I am dropping Zelda of there on the way to campus. This way I am not alone at home with my nerves, but I do not have to deal with two dogs when I am packing everything up. Plus Oracle gets some extra time alone with my husband, which she really needs.

I can feel my anxiety levels are kind of high right now and it helps me a lot that I have Zelda here at home with me. She is sitting next to me on the sofa right now and the music also helps. I am trying my best to keep myself from spiraling and keep myself grounded. I know I can do this. I also know that I have my husband just a phone call away if I need to talk, which also helps. But now I am going to get ready for my lectures today.

I wish you all an amazing Tuesday.

Love, Nea