Motivational Monday ~ July 5th

It’s Monday again and a whole week since I posted. A lot has happened and I am working on my mental health. I have been in contact with a psychologist and she listened to me and I am going to get help. It feels like a stone has been lifted from my shoulders. I know it will be a lot of work to get better, but it is worth it.

But now to this weeks motivation. I saw this on Pinterest and I thought it was fitting for the day so I made a picture of it. I hope you like it.

I don’t really know why this one spoke to me, but it did. We all have different things in our past and some of us go through similar experiences, but we are not the same. It is all the things that have happened to us that are put together and make us to us. I just know that I want to try and be the best person I can be. But also try and feel better and work on my mental health.

I wish you all an fantastic week and hope that my ramblings on here help at least somebody.

Love, Nea

Motivational Monday ~April 12th

It’s Monday and we are having real April weather here where I live. Yesterday was sunny and windy, then in the evening it started to rain. This morning it was snow everywhere. About 0,2 meters have come down during the night, and it’s still snowing. But it’s suppose to go over in rain later today. So April weather.

As I have mentioned before I am struggling with my mental health at the moment. This makes me try and think more positive and change my thoughts. So Motivational Monday is important to me, since it kind of starts my week of in a right mindset. I try to find quotes on Google or on Pinterest. This morning this quote was one that I thought was fitting.

Being an optimist is not always easy, but having a more positive outlook always helps me. I always try and see the glass as half full instead of half empty. And being optimistic can help turn bad thoughts into better thoughts. We need to be kind to ourselves just as we would be to a friend who are struggling.

So be as nice to yourself as you would your best friend and try and keep a possitive mind, I know it’s hard, but don’t forget you are amazing!

Love, Nea

2021 and never give up!

Trigger warning: Mental Health, suicide thoughts, self harm thoughts

I saw a post on Tumblr today that just hit me. It stood: Reblog this if you didn’t think you’d make it to 2021. And I had to reblog it because If I am being honest. I did not think I would make it to this year. I did not think I would make it till 2008 if I am being honest. And now here I am well past my 18 birthday, in fact I am turning 31 next week. Which is crazy to think about.

I remember when I was 15 years old , this was 2005. I had no real friends to talk to, or at least so it felt. A lot of the time it felt like I was only there when they needed help, but they were never there for me. My parents had a lot on their plate and I felt like I could not confine in them what I was struggling with. My brother and I was not getting along, at least not in a way we could talk. He was 18 and growing up. I was struggling both my mental and physical health. Doctors did not listen to what I was saying. I felt alone. I was thinking about hurting myself, or worse. I was in a dark place. A really dark place.

I will not go into more details, because I feel like going down back to those thoughts might be a bit like going down the rabbit hole. All I can say is that things turned around for me. It was not easy or in a snap. And many of you know I am still struggling and fighting my mental health. As well as my physical health is still a problem. But I found people I can trust. I found the love of my life that stands by my side through it all and helps me when I need it or motivates and pushes me when I need that. I also know not to give up when doctors or mental health professionals don’t listen and find someone who does.

Always keep fighting. Never Give Up!

Now I am turning 31 next week and I can still not believe it some days. I want to go back in time to that scared girl that is in so much pain and darkness and tell her it will be okay. That she needs to continue fighting. That she can do it. I wish I could show her what my life is like now.

And to all of you that are struggling and are in a dark place. Don’t stop fighting. It will get better. It will get easier. If I can do it, then I know you can do it! I believe in you!!

Love, Nea

Depression and hate

TRIGGER ALLERT. Talk about depression, suicide, rape, murder, hate crimes.

I have thought about writing this post for more than a week. It feels like the world is getting more and more ugly. What I mean is why is there so much hate. Murders and hate crimes are increasing in number. Women are raped, and when they come forward they are put on trial by the media. Just the other last week of the leading news shows in Sweden where talking about this prominent man that been booked because a women has stepped forward and pressed charges against him for raped. The report was angled so the woman was just as much on trail, if not more, than this man. The woman has pressed charges against men before, and that was brought up. What the hell does that have to do with things? Many women has been sexually assaulted before. And the district attorney that has boked this man has strong evidence that he is guilt. It just makes me so mad. And now the charges have been dropped and he get to be in prime time tv talking about how he has not raped her. They were just drunk and even though she had declined his kisses and hugs and hands on her earlier in the evening, she was not raped. He also said he did not grope her, he just got a bit handsy and that is apparently fine. I am so mad and sad right now and I can not understand what that woman is going trough.

Every day when I read or listen to the news, all I see is hate. A Man killing Asian women in the USA and claims it is not racism. What else could it be? He targeted Asian women. And the statistics show an increase of hate crimes against people with Asian descent since Covid spread through the world a year ago. Can this be because people who suppose to be leaders have been blaming China? Fueling the hate? Look at the moob that took over Capitolium. Those where terrorists. And Trump once again showing the world who he is.

Look at the Black Lives Matter Movement. How many black lives have to be destroyed before the world does something? How many more lives has to be taken before the world changes? Are the entire world on the way to be just like Germany was under Hitler? Why can’t we just love each other? We all come from the same place a long long time ago. We are all one race.

Then we can talk about Mental health problems. How they are laughed at, or disbelieved when someone talks about it. Look at Meghan Markle. How the press has portrayed her. How they have hounded her. How they have twisted everything around. I believe her when she said she did not want to live anymore. Do you know why I believe her? Because I been their. I have had zero interest in continuing my life and that scared me. My dark thought were taking over my life and they scared me. I did something. I turned to people and I got help. Listening to Meghan Markle talk about it. Being open about it. All I could think about what a strong person she is. How I wished I had the strength to do the same. All I can do. All I have the strength to do. Is write about it here. It is safe to do. You don’t see me sitting here between having to fight my tears. You don’t judge my, or maybe you do, but I am safe behind the screen of my computer. Or at least I feel safe.

I don’t know about you. But I am sick and tired of this hate. I am sitting here writing something that I might get shit for. I am sitting here writing, while I am fighting my own depression. I am not suicidal, but I am depressed. I have a darkness in me at the moment and I am fighting it every why I can. I am trying to see the good in people. I am trying to get the hope back. I am praying for the world to change. I am praying for love and hope. I am praying that the hate crimes, the police brutality, the rapes, the way women are treated and oh so many more horrible things just to stop. I am praying for you. I am praying for your neighbour. I am praying for my friends and family. I am praying for human kind.

This is part of why I been silent here for awhile. I have wanted to write something, but my depression and anxiety has kept me quiet. Not any more. We all need to make this stop. We are living in 2021, why is things like this still happening?

International Women’s Day

This morning I started my usually Motivational Monday part, but then I just did not feel like it. I want to motivate people and make them see that it is possible to have an happy life even if one has mental health problems. And I want to motivate people to not give up, no matter if it’s studying, work, going after your dreams or love. But this morning I sat much like I am doing now in my soffa feeling kind of stressed over my master thesis and looked in my calendar. Today is International Women’s Day and I felt the need to write about something else.

The last couple of years I have had a couple of long and meaningful discussions with people in my life. Some where with the men in my life. Men who never will know the fear of walking alone in the evening. Men who never had someone touch you inappropriate. Men who never will hear that they can’t do something because of their gender. Others where with women in my life that has been exposed to this as I have.

Some of these discussions got heated while other seemed to be eye-openers for the person I talked with. Some people in my life did not understand what I been through. One person will forever be out of my life because of our discussions. As you might understand this is a man, someone that I thought was a friend, but that could not in any way understand what I been through. It was lies or I deserved it. I deserved getting touched inappropriately for the first time by men when I was 13 years old. I deserved getting called a whore by mean when I dressed in certain ways. I deserved being scared of walking alone in the dark. I deserved being touched groped and squeezed by a man that I thought I could trust when I was 15.

This is just a few things that I can’t accept. I am a woman, and I am proud to be. I want my freedom. I want to be able to dress how I want. I want to be able to post on social media without having to thing it over and over. I want to be able to take a walk after dark without having to be afraid of getting assaulted or/and raped.

I wish that women around the world could have equal rights. Everyone should be able to go to school and get an education. Equal pay. Equal opportunities. The list goes on and one.

I also want women to support each other. Not tear each other down. Just look at how toxic the environment is on social media now days. Influencers like Bianca Ingrosso, who is a role model, get shit every single day for whatever she does. She is successful person that has gone after her dreams and what ever she posts someone has to try and bring her down.

We need to be nicer to one another. We need to fight for our rights. Our children should not have to live in a world that is like this. So women, stand up tall. We are strong and we will not stop fighting for our rights. Men, educate yourself. Just because you are not one of these men, there are still things you can do. To close your eyes and not see what is happening in the world is not the right thing to do. You can be a part of stopping this.

Motivational Monday ~ First of March

New week and a new month. I don’t know if you have this yet, but this weekend gave a real feeling of spring. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and the sky was so blue. It was beautiful and I spent a lot of time outside with the dogs. You could spring in the air and I know that we will have a few setbacks before spring is really here, but I thought about planting spring flowers and buying daffodils.

As you might know if you been reading my other posts, I am currently working on my master thesis. The subject of this thesis has been changed, but I am actually really excited about it. It will be more difficult, but I also think more rewarding. I am learning a lot and I am looking forward to doing this project. But at the same time my anxiety is making me question my decision. Am I good enough? Will I fail? Will my thesis be accepted? But I have made it this far and I am not going to stop. I am strong enough and I am not going to fail as long as I don’t give up.

This brings me to this weeks motivational quote. I do not know who has said this, but it’s something that I have heard in therapy as well from people online.

So keep trying and know that this makes you strong. And as long as you are trying and not giving up, then you are not failing. You are doing your best, and that is enough!

Now I need to go back to studying! Have an fantastic week!

Love, Nea

Life happens

In the middle of January I started my fifth year at University. Saying it out loud seems crazy, for two reasons. First, because a lot of people did not think I would even make it through one term at University because of my mental health problems. If you were one of them, well than I just want to say: “Fuck you!” I am stronger than you thought.

Secondly, because I was only planing on studying at University for 3 years to take my Bachelors Degree, which I have taken, but life happens. Or more exactly I had one exam hanging over me when I finished the thesis in the begining of January last year, so I had to retake it in March. Which meant that I studied one more term to have something to do while I waited to retake that exam. Than Covid happend and a lot of places would not hire people right out of University, so I countinued to study. And now I am here working on my Masters Thesis and If I take one more term after the summer I will have my Masters. And that sounds even more crazy.

I have showed so many people who doubted me that I am stronger than they think and that I will not be defined or limited by my mental health. It has not always been easy doing this, but with the support of my husband and my family and friends I have done this. I also managed to study one term abroad in Edinburgh, an experience I will always value.

I have lost a couple friends over the time, but that is mostly people who can’t handle my success or that have not been able to handle that I still have mental health problems. But I am better without these people. The friends I have gotten over the time I have studied that have stayed with me are true friends. The kind you can call whenever just to talk.

If I can do this then I know that you can go after what you want as well! Go after your dreams.

Love, Nea

Motivational Monday ~ January 25

First post of 2021, a bit late, but this year has been hectic so far. And I have kind of been in a bad headspace in the beginning of the year. My mental health has been down and I been fighting to keep my head over over water. My husband has been an amazing support to me these past weeks, like he always is, and he has helped me through a lot. I am feeling better, but know I have a way to go before I am on top again.

Last Monday I started a new term and now I am writing on my Masters Thesis together with another girl. We are only in the beginning of our writing but I think it will go good. Although is never bad to start Mondays of with some motivation, so here is the quote for this week.

I believe a lot in keeping a positive attitude and believing in yourself. I know its hard to do when you are depressed or when everything is going to hell. I been fighting depression for a lot of years, but I am still trying to always have a positive attitude and believe in myself. Because I know I can do it.

I hope you can believe in yourself as well, because I believe in you. You can do this!

Love, Nea

Motivational Monday ~ November 30

Happy Monday everybody! One day away from it to be December. I am starting to feel the Christmas cheer and this weekend it snowed a bit. Not much, but just enough for everything to be white. It is so beautiful outside and my husband and I put up some Strings of lights on our fence yesterday. It makes the snow glitter even more.

I know Christmas is not a fun time for everyone and that a lot of people feel stressed or/and overwelmed. All I can say is that Christmas do not need to be perfect. My best Christmases has been days where I been with my family and just enjoyed a quiet Christmas. I to can get stressed at times, but I try and take a deep breath and remind myself that life is not perfect and that what ever gets done gets done.

Todays motivational quote is one a friend said to me when I was having a rough time. She had read it somewhere online so I do not know where it comes from but it helped me. So I hope it can help somebody else.

You are stronger than you believe. Please remember that. And ask for help if you need it. It is nothing wrong with asking for help. I did it just last week. i was overwhelmed with my work for Uni and I just needed a break. So I got some help with the dogs at daytime by my father and my husband took on some more housework. And I am so grateful for this. They really helped me out.

Now I need to finish writing since I have a paper due today that needs some more work. I wish you all an amazing week!

Love, Nea

Motivational Monday ~ November 2

It’s November and Halloween is over. Not that we really celebrate Halloween in Sweden. We have another “celebration” and it is called “Alla helgons dag” where we remember the people we have lost and light candles at their graves or memorial groves. It ends up being very peaceful and beautiful when there are lights everywhere at the cemeteries.

We went late evening on Saturday to a couple of our loved ones graves and one of the memorial groves where my grandparents are buried. It was beautiful and I always leave there feeling calm.

I know that this week will be a hard week for some people, seeing as there’s the election in the US and a lot of countries have gone into lockdown again. The second wave of Covid has hit here in Sweden and I am kind of scared that everyone has forgotten to keep a distance, wash their hands and stay at home if they are feeling sick.

At these times we need a bit extra motivation and I have been trying to find the right quote to have today, but it is hard. There are a lot of great quotes out there and I wanted to find one that was just right. I have not been able to do that, but I hope you like this one.

We will get through this. We just need to keep fighting. Together. If you are in lookdown, keep in touch with friends and family via skype, zoom or whatever you use. Support one another. We will get through this. Take care of yourself and your family. Be kind to others. Follow guidelines.

That is all I have to share today. Just remember that you can do this. Have a great week and know that you are stronger than you think.

Love, Nea