World Mental Health Day

Today it’s the World Mental Health Day. And it is to increase the awareness about mental health. This is something that I think is very important. Do you know how many people around the world that have mental health problems? I know that there are a lot more people than we know about. Mental health is just as important as any physical illness.

When I was a child, mental health was not something that I heard about. Not from adults, in school or anything like that. When I started having problems when I was 13 years old, it was so secretive. It felt like I should be ashamed about my problems. I got to go to therapy at a special child psychologist at the hospital and I was so ashamed, because that was how I got the notion from everybody around me. I don’t remember that my parents or brother being ashamed about me, but if I said anything to like a teacher they looked at me like I had grown three more heads.

When I got in to therapy for the second time I was 17 years old and everything came crazing down. I had an unknown illness in an out of hospital up to five times a week and they could not find anything wrong with me. I had to stop going to school and I was just sitting at home in the apartment afraid to do anything. Afraid to go out. Afraid I was going to die when I was alone. All this bought out the worst in me. My depression grew. I got anxious. I had panic attacks. I leaned heavily on my boyfriend and family. I got through it with their help and doctors found my out what unknown illness I had. It turned out I did not just have one, but three that kind of worked together…

Now I live a more “normal” life. I still have to fight with my mental health almost daily. I still have anxiety, panic attacks and get depressed. But I have tools to work with that help. I get the love and support of my husband, family and friends. And I talk about it. I am not ashamed about what has happened to me. I am not ashamed about my mental health, it is part of me. I am not perfect but I am me. I am stronger than most other people, because you know what, I did not give up. And I refuse to crawl into a corner and let life pass me by. My mental health does not define me and I will not let it define you anyone else. You are so much more then your depression, anxiety, panic attacks or what else you are fighting with.

If you have problems with you mental health, please talk to someone. Get help. This is not something you need to go through alone. Talk about what is going on in your mind, don’t be ashamed. There are so many people out there that have the same problems. You can fight this! I believe in you.

And to show you how many people that you know that has mental health problems here is a list of celebrities that have mental health problems (if you click on the links you come to videos or articles where they talk about mental health):

  • Jared Padalecki – depression (Always keep fighting)
  • Adele – depression
  • Ryan Reynolds – anxiety
  • Chrisy Teigen – Postpartum depression
  • Lena Dunham – anxiety
  • Dakota Johnson – Anxiety
  • Emma Stone – Anxiety and Panic Attacks
  • Gina Rodriguez – Anxiety
  • Ellen DeGeneres – Depression
  • Lili Reinhart – Anxiety
  • Lady Gaga – Depression and Anxiety
  • Olivia Munn – OCD
  • J.K. Rowling – Depression
  • Ellie Goulding – Panic Attacks
  • Zendaya – Anxiety
  • Selena Gomez – Anxiety, panic attacks and depression
  • Sarah Silverman – Panic Attacks and Depression
  • Kristen Bell – Depression
  • Gwyneth Paltrow – Postpartum depression
  • Princess Diana – Post-natal depression
  • Cara Delevinge – Depression
  • Chris Evans – Anxiety and Depression
  • Prince Harry – anxiety

“I, for a long time, have been passionate about people dealing with mental illness and struggling with depression, or addiction, or having suicidal thoughts and, strangely enough, it’s almost like the life I live, as well. I was 25 years old. I had my own TV show. I had dogs that I loved and tons of friends and I was getting adoration from fans and I was happy with my work, but I couldn’t figure out what it was; it doesn’t always make sense is my point. It’s not just people who can’t find a job, or can’t fit in in society that struggle with depression sometimes.” ~ Jared Padalecki, to Variety.

“There’s nothing weak about struggling with mental illness,” she wrote in an essay for Motto. “For me, depression is not sadness. It’s not having a bad day and needing a hug. It gave me a complete and utter sense of isolation and loneliness. Its debilitation was all-consuming, and it shut down my mental circuit board. I felt worthless, like I had nothing to offer, like I was a failure. Now, after seeking help, I can see that those thoughts, of course, couldn’t have been more wrong. It’s important for me to be candid about this so people in a similar situation can realize that they are not worthless and that they do have something to offer. We all do. ” ~ Kristen Bell

Kerry Washington told Glamour: “I say that publicly because I think it’s really important to take the stigma away from mental health. My brain and my heart are really important to me. I don’t know why I wouldn’t seek help to have those things be as healthy as my teeth. I go to the dentist. So why wouldn’t I go to a shrink?”

So know this; You are not alone in this. There is help to get. And please don’t be ashamed of your mental health!

Love, Nea

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Locked out, Sunday and Cold

As some of you might know from other posts. I am really clumsy. I walk into furniture, I fall down a lot and most things I do can go wrong. Well let me tell you about yesterday.

So I was having a nice quiet morning in the sofa, listening to music in my headphones not to wake up my husband. I had eaten breakfast and was trying to just relax. When one of my dogs, Oracle started getting stressed and walking and whining. I knew this meant she needed to go out, so I quietly put on more cloths because it was like -4 Celsius outside. And went out with Oracle. So far so good. But when we where back after our walk I drooped my keys down between our stairs and the locked door. Not good. I could not reach it even how much I tired and I could not move the stairs. Not good at all. I tried to keep Oracle quiet while I tried to get a hold of my husband. I tried calling both his work mobile and his private mobile. I tried messenger. I was also knocking like crazy on the door. Both me and Oracle was getting frustrated and cold.

After a while I messaged my brother, because he lives in the same town as us and has a key, but they where not at home. I felt kind of defeated, but then my husband woke up and let us in. Now I can laugh at my clumsiness, but right then I was so mad at myself.

So what can I say. The clumsiness continues. But that is just me. I am stating to get used to it now. And my husband too.

I hope you have an amazing evening.

Love, Nea

Busy, busy and autumn

I have a very stressful couple of weeks behind me and infront of me. It feels like all my time is spent on campus working on a project or driving to campus. I put in around 9 hours a day studying and about 2-3 hours driving to and from campus. I miss spending time with my dogs and my family. And I really miss spending time with my husband. Some days it seems like we don’t see each other at all. He has his plate full with work and renovating the new house. We hope we can move in before winter, but it is a slow process and he is also pulling long hours at work. So we will just have to see how it goes. I know that I will at least have a full scheduled with Uni the coming weeks.

I haven’t posted here very little and I hope that I can change that. Maybe I need to spend some time this weekend and write a couple of post and schedule them. I hate to see my blog so empty of new updates. I have so many things I want to share with you. Like my shopping on EMP-Shop and what is happening in my life.

Right now I am sitting on campus waiting for my friends to start our project that is due on Tuesday. They should be here any minute so I really need to end this post now.. But I am so happy that autumn is finally here. With the beautiful leaves and the crisp are. All I want to do is drink hot Coco and read a good book. Maybe I will get a bit of time for that this weekend.

I wish you all an wonderful day!

Love, Nea

Last semester

Today my last semester at this University starts, or at least the last planed semester. I am thinking about taking one more semester at uni, maybe not this university. I am going to try and get a meeting with my student counselor and look at the course I want to take.

One of the songs that motivates me right now.

I only have afternoon lectures today, two of them. And the last one ends at six this evening, which means I won’t be home until earliest 7. It’s going to be a long day and I am kind of nervous. This might sound strange, I mean this is my uni, where I already gone for four semesters. But since I went my 5th semester abroad and now I am back here in Sweden, it feels kind of weird. I mean, I am not really the same woman that left Sweden. I feel like I have grown a lot and I know more of what I want in life.

I have always loved my uni, but I loved the Heriot-Watt University as well, and I know I will miss it. But it is really nice to do my last semester here in Sweden. I am looking forward to Autumn and yesterday morning I could almost smell the Autumn in the air. It was cold and crisp. This morning I almost wanted to go inside again because I thought it was so cold, but Zelda was happy just walking and sniffing on everything.

One of the motivating songs I listen to today.

Oracle went with my husband to work earlier this morning and I am dropping Zelda of there on the way to campus. This way I am not alone at home with my nerves, but I do not have to deal with two dogs when I am packing everything up. Plus Oracle gets some extra time alone with my husband, which she really needs.

I can feel my anxiety levels are kind of high right now and it helps me a lot that I have Zelda here at home with me. She is sitting next to me on the sofa right now and the music also helps. I am trying my best to keep myself from spiraling and keep myself grounded. I know I can do this. I also know that I have my husband just a phone call away if I need to talk, which also helps. But now I am going to get ready for my lectures today.

I wish you all an amazing Tuesday.

Love, Nea

Not my day today..

It feels like everything that can mess with me is messing with me today. The computer have frozen on me a couple of times today. My usb-stick has locked down, so I can’t ad or change anything on it. I don’t really know how that happened, because I used it yesterday and everything was working like normal.

It’s been raining the whole day here, and this morning I put on the dogs their raincovers, because Zelda hates walking in the rain. This morning was no exception, she walked like 20 meters and then she had done all of her business and wanted to go inside again, but Oracle loves walking and does not care about the weather, so we continued walking. When I got in about 30 minutes later my shoes was wet all the way through as well as my jacket and pants. I also had to pissed of dogs, Zelda because she had to walk in the rain and Oracle because we did not walk as long as we usually does.

This is just a small part of my day. I will not share any more, because it feels like I am only whining, and I don’t want to do that. I have to say that I now have to really cozy dogs that want to cuddle and be close. And I have actually gotten some important things done today, so the day has not been to bad.

I wish you all an amazing Friday evening, and don’t forget that Taylor Swifts new album Lover now is out! I have been listening to it all day long.

Exam, cloudy head and happy dance

Yesterday I had my Introduction to Law Exam. It was in one of the two new exam halls, that opened this summer at my university. It was really nice and I am actually looking forward to having more exams there. I am not completely sure how the exam went for me, but I did my best. And with two sick dogs for the last week (the dogs are feeling better today) and not that much time to study because of it, I have to be okay with that. If I need to take the exam again I just have to.

Zelda on this mornings walk.

My parents took care of the dogs when I took the exam, and my husband drove me. Which was nice. He is really busy right now, with the new house and work. Next week he is going to go away for work, and he will be gone almost the whole week. But it is the kind of project he loves to do, so that is nice.

Today I have a cloudy head. I don’t really know how to explain it any other way. What I mean is that it feels kind of fluffy in there. Like I’m not completely awake. I usually gets like this after an exam. I think it might have something to do with the fact that for 4 hours yesterday my brain had to work really hard and it needs a break for a while now.

Oracle chilling on the sofa.

So today my head and I have washed clothes (four full machines), done the dishes and vacuumed the house. I also had a kind of happy dance in the living room, because why not. It is important to enjoy life. Sometimes the best is to dance like nobody is watching. And if a neighbor saw, lets say I don’t care. I had a great time.

I have also started reading a new book today. Nora Roberts book The Collector. I have never read it before, but Nora Roberts is one of my favorite writers. The book is real good so far, and I have to admit I have read about halfway through so far. It is hard to put down.

My husband is going to be home late today. He is at my brother and sister-in-law and helping them. I could have gone with, but with the dogs still not all okay and my head cloudy I just don’t really think I am the best company. So instead I will cuddle down in the sofa with the dogs and continue reading.

I wish you all an amazing evening.

Love, Nea

Roller coaster week

Do you ever have a week that is like a roller coaster? I have had that kind of week.. Its been so many amazing moments, some kind of life changing, and then some really lows. And I want to share this with you. I think it’s kind of important to talk about my low points, but also the high points in my life.

So if I start with last Saturday. I had an amazing day. Kind of life changing for me, because I did something I have never done before. And to be honest its something kind of crazy. Or I don’t really think it is crazy, but I know that a lot of people around me will find this crazy. I dyed my hair pink. Or I got help from my lovely sister-in-law Felicia. She is really amazing.

The color in my hair.

So now I have pink hair and I love it. This is something I been wanting to do since I was like 11-12 years old, but I have never in my whole life dyed my hair. This is not an ad, but for you who wonders I used Arctic Fox’s Virgin Pink on my unbleached hair. And the result is what you see down below. So now I have pink hair and I love it. This is something I been wanting to do since I was like 11-12 years old, but I have never in my whole life dyed my hair.

The reason why I chose Arctic Fox is because: Arctic Fox is vibrant, cruelty-free, vegan semi-permanent hair (taken from Arctic Fox Website). (NOT AN AD).

My hair when its been dyed. I love it so much!

Then on Sunday I had a kind of dip, because I had some minor panic attacks and actually did not feel so secure in our house. I don’t really know what happen except I had some flashbacks, that triggered anxiety in me. But my husband helped me through it.

Monday was an amazing day. We officially got the keys to our new house. I have been keeping quiet about this for a long time, because it been some uncertainties, but now it is ours. So we (read my husband) is going to do some renovating and then we plan on moving in the end of summer, if everything goes according to our plans. I will write more about the house later, because it is really special for me.

Our new house!!

Then on Tuesday, my husband helped his brother moving into his farm, and he was gone the entire day and long into the night. I am starting to get used to my husband being back at work, but then he is usually back at home by 6 pm, but he was not back until after midnight and I had a bad day with panic attacks and anxiety so it was kind of a bad day for me. But a really good day for my brother-in-law to finally move in to the farm.

I also got the my grades on Thursday. My grades for my time in Edinburgh. I been waiting on them for some time and I have been kind of nervous about how it has gone. But I am so happy. I got two A:s and two B:s. I ended up crying some and also doing a happy dance.

Then on Wednesday was so and so day. Kind of boring, but kind of okay. My cold came back, so I spent most of my day under a blanket on the sofa with our two dogs reading books and watching JAG.

Thursday my husband started working some on our new house, or more on our new house. And found that the floor in the room that is going to be our bedroom has an old wooden floor under the carpet. It is untreated so we can probably do something fun with it. Hopefully it is like that under the carpet in the room that will be our office as well.

Then yesterday was both really good day and a kind of hard day. I found out that my name change has gone through, so now I have my husbands last name. I know its been almost one year since we got married, but because everything in Edinburgh was in my maiden name, we decided to wait until we moved home again for me to change. But I am so happy to finally have his last name.

And then in the evening I had flashbacks and anxiety. It was not funny at all, and I had moments I was so scared. My dogs helped a lot and when my husband came home it helped as well. But I slept really bad and today I feel like a zombie, and I am wondering if I should get some sleep.

Today my husband is helping my brother-in-law with some moving as well. Hopefully they will get the last things moved today, but I don’t really know. I am currently home alone with the dogs and it feels okay, which means that I am starting to feel better. One thing I can say is that you can’t let your bad days or moments bring you down. Concentrate on the good things in your life.

I wish you all an amazing Saturday!

Love, Nea