It’s Monday and here in Edinburgh the birds are singing outside the window. Its kind of cloudy, but that’s okay. At least its not snowing or raining like it did this Saturday. It feels like spring is here to stay and that is one thing that motivates me.
Today I only have one lecture. And I need motivation to go to it. I am still tired from the hectic week I had when I finished to essays in the course of a week. I think I kind of drained myself. But this week I am going to really start on the next essay. And the theme of the essay is something that I find really interesting so I hope it will be more fun and relaxing to write.
Today’s motivational quote is not really a quote. It’s more of a mantra that I found on Pinterest a while back.
I am grounded. I am loved. I am enough.
I don’t know where it comes from and or anything, but it helps me in my darkest days. And I wanted to share it with you. I say this over and over in my head some days and it gives me the motivation to keep going. Keep fighting. Because I know that I can do it and that I am so much stronger then I think.
I hope you have a wonderful Monday and a fantastic week!
So I have been MIA for a while now. I have been stressing over my first assignment that I turned in last week. Then I have taken a much-needed break, from all.
On Friday my husband and I had a date night. We didn’t do anything special on Valentines Day, because I had a late class and I was so tired when I got home. So we made up for that on Friday instead. We went to Giant Lanterns of China on Edinburgh Zoo. It was amazing and breathtaking. I took so many pictures with my camera and we had a really nice time. It was so worth how tired I was when we got back to the apartment. And I would definitely go to that again if I ever got the chance. We already started talking about going back to the Zoo this spring to see the animals. I have heard nothing but good things about Edinburgh Zoo and I hope that all I heard is true. I am not really a fan of keeping animals in cages. There are like two Zoos in Sweden that I actually like, but that’s just because I know how well treated the animals are and I know that animals are not being treated like housepets, but kept wild.
On Sunday we took a two hours walk around the outskirts of Edinburgh. We got pretty high up and had an amazing view of Edinburgh. It was an amazing day to just relax and be in nature.
Today I have no lectures so it will be a study day. I have 4 essays left to write before spring break and a lot of reading. I have been awake now for over an hour, but I am letting my husband sleep in. He could really need it. I have been sleeping bad and having anxiety, and I know that he sleeps badly when I feel like this.
Now I am going to try and get something done and not just sit here on the couch. Have an amazing Hump Day! I will try and get better on updating the blog.
Today is a really good day. I had a really good day at campus and I feel so happy about that. I had some minor panic attacks and anxiety, but nothing that affected me in any major way. I just worked through it.
When I woke up this morning I was exhausted, after a night of very little sleep, and this because when I had gotten to sleep last night I woke up because there was a really high crashing sound. Both my husband and I investigated but could not find anything in the apartment. And this made me anxious, which is why I slept poorly. This morning we got the answer to what the noise had been. A roofing tile had come loose and crashed down right outside our front door.
Today I had a tutorial this morning, then two hours free and then 2 hours lecture. It was quite an interesting lecture and I think I have learnt something new at least.
Before we got home from campus I had a meetup with my study partner for an assignment and I think we will be able to do a fantastic assignment together.
Now I am going to continue working on my essay that is due in 11 days. I hope you have a magical week.
It Saturday and I thought that I wanted to share a post of self-care again. I have not really had time for this blog this last couple of weeks. I have spent so much time as possible to get into living here in Edinburgh. It’s been scary and amazing at the same time. I really love it here, but I miss my dogs and my family.
I have had problems with anxiety and panic attacks these last couple of weeks. I have and am scared of the world outside the door of our apartment. Every day has been a kind of struggle. I don’t want to go home, but I am tired of being scared. I am tired of the anxiety in my body every damn day. I just want to feel good.
Do you know what I do? I hug my husband a lot. I try and think of things I want to do here in Scotland. Things I want to see. And I try to read as much as possible about Scotland. I take walks with my husband in our Neighbourhood. Edinburgh is a fantastic city. I try talking to new people in school.
I try as hard as I can to not let my fears and anxiety keep me from living. I am only here for about four months more and I know that I don’t want to miss out because I am scared. I mean, I am here. If I have gotten this far I can do it all.
I know this was not really a self-care Saturday post as I usually did them but I wanted to share this… And maybe I can try to write a better post next Saturday.
Have a fantastic Saturday night. I am going to eat good food and watch The Voice UK.
I have now completed my first week at University in Edinburgh. And it feels kind of strange. I still miss home, but mostly my dogs. It’s hard not seeing them every day and yesterday was one of the hardest days because Oracle turned 6 years old yesterday. I hated not being there. Not taking her to her favourite pet-store where she would have picked out her favourite chews that I would have bought for her. But I know that she has had a wonderful day with my parents. And that they gave her the chews that she loves.
This week has been full of fun things to do, some a little harder than the rest. I can’t believe that we have been living here in Edinburgh for over a week. I know I have written about my first two days at University but I want to tell you about the rest of my week.
On Wednesday we got up quite early and ate breakfast. I had a headache, but when it had become light outside we walked to our nearest Tesco, about 24-30 minute walk away and did some shopping. Then we walked back to our apartment.
In the afternoon I had an International Student Welcome at Campus so I went there. It was a lot of information and I learned things that I think will be useful in the future here in Edinburgh for me.
On Thursday I had two lectures. On in the morning and then one in the afternoon. The first one in the morning was a Business Class with about 300 students in the class. We had the lecture in a really big lecture hall. The Professor was really interesting to listen to and I think I will enjoy this class a lot. Even if I think that it can be challenging at times.
After the lecture I had four hours before my next lecture began, so I met up with my husband and had some lunch. Then we went to the pop-up bookstore that is on campus for two weeks to buy some course literature, but they didn’t have one of the books. The staff was so nice so they called their bookstore in the city centrum a have them put a copy aside for me.
With more than two hours left before my lecture, my husband and I explored the Campus area and just spent some time together. My last lecture of the day was amazing. It was interesting and fun, and I am already looking forward to the next Thursday so I can go to the lecture again.
On Friday we took the bus into Princes Street in the morning. We went shopping in Primark on Princes Street and I found some really nice things. After that, we went to Lothian Buse’s office and bought bus cards, so we no longer need to have change for every bus ride. And then we went to the bookstore and got the book that was set aside for me and some other things.
I was really tired when we got home, but after lunch, I set out to sort out the reading I had to do for my lectures and make a schedule for my classes. And then I noticed that I had missed buying one book. So we decided to go to the city centre again on Saturday.
On Saturday I woke up not feeling my best, I think my nerves got the best of me. So instead of hopping on a bus into the city centre, we decided to take a small walk in the area around our apartment. The small walk became a 70 minutes walk. Then when we got back to the apartment we ate some lunch and then we took a bus into the city. It was a bit cold and windy. We hopped off the bus and walked a new way to the bookstore. At the bookstore, we bought the book that was missing for my class and then we walked to Princess Street. We walked into TK Maxx, but it was so crowded so we left almost directly. Instead, we walked to Primark here I bought some things again.. I am wondering if I should make a post about what I have bought. We will see. Then we took the tram out to Gyle Shopping Center because here they have the Disney Store. As some of you might know I love Disney. We bought a blanket and a Christmas ornament and then we walked around some in the shopping centre before we did some shopping at Morrison. Then we took the next bus home and had a nice evening eating some good food, talking and finally watching the Voice UK on the telly.
Today I am going to study and get ready for the week. I wish you all a wonderful Sunday!
I haven’t had the time to update you on my progress. Yesterday was a long day for me. I was so nervous and I am so thankful for my wonderful husband for trying his best to keep me calm.
We took an early bus to the University, it took about 20 minutes, and I thought it was a pain in my ass. I hate riding the bus, it always gives me anxiety, because you sit with so many other persons, that may have a lot of perfume on or be smokers, and you really have to trust the driver. But we got there in one piece and we got some time to find the place where my first meeting of the day was.
After a day of Information and Enrollment, it was finally time to go home, with the bus, again. It went a little better this time and I actually had some energy when we got back to our little apartment, which made me happy. we stayed in and I got to talk some with my parents, my brother and his fiancee and their son, via Facetime. It was nice to see them and talk to them. I miss them very much. It was my mothers birthday yesterday and it felt so wrong not to be there and celebrate her. But I figure I have to get her a present here from Edinburgh for when I get home.
Today I had my first Lecture, after lunch. This morning I tried to do a little preparation for the following weeks and mentally prepare myself for the rest of the week. My husband did some work. And after a light lunch, it was time to catch the bus back to Campus and go to my lecture. I just have to say that the lecture was fantastic. The Professor was easy to listen to and the subject was interesting and fun. I am already looking forward to next weeks lecture.
Now I am home in the apartment again and trying to think of something to do. It’s dark outside and my husband is working again. I don’t want to disturb him too much so I think I will just try and find something to do on my computer.
Tomorrow I don’t have any lectures, but I have an International Student Welcome thing in the afternoon. In the morning we will probably go to the nearest Tesco and do some shopping. And then after lunch, I will go into Campus.
Now I am going log on to Pinterest and kill some time. Have an amazing evening. I will try and be better at updating my blog.
Tomorrow is the day that School starts here in Edinburgh for me. It’s scarry and I have wanted to go home since Thursday when we arrived. It feels like something is missing. Like something is wrong… I can’t excplain it better.
I told my husband this and we had a long chat. He was very understanding and supportive. For this I am so greatful. We talked about how I miss the dogs. What makes my anxiety are through the roof. And all my fears right now. And you know what. It feels better now. It doesen’t feel completly fine. But maybe I will get there?!
We took the decision that we are going to give it 2 weeks and then se how I feel. How my mental health is and what I feel like doing. I am not a quiter but these few days I have wanted to go home and be with my dogs. And having my family just a short drive away. Not several hours away with an ocean between.
I am sharing this with you becase I want to be honest. Life isn’t always easy and sometimes it’s a real pain in my ass. Days like this I hate my anxiety and panicdisorder. I usually can hold my thoughts and feelings in check. But appearently not right now…
My husband is my greatest supporter and that he believes in me. That I can do this is so helpful. I want to make him proud of me and show everyone els that I am stronger then they think.
I hope you all have an amazing Sunday. We are going to take a quiet evening in the apartment and get ready for tomorrow.