Confusing emotions

I don’t really know where to start writing today. Last week was a amazing. My mother, brother, sister-in-law and nephew came to Edinburgh for a visit. They arrived on Wednesday and left on Saturday. I got to show them my university and where we live. We also took them for a visit to Edinburgh zoo.. And spent a day walking around in Edinburgh. I was so happy to have them here and I was so grateful that they took the time to come and visit us. I have missed them like crazy. And even though I was sad that my father and dogs where not here I was very happy.

On Saturday when we said goodbye on the airport I thought I was going to break down completely, but my husband helped me through it. He reminded me that we are going to be back in Sweden in two months time and that I now need to concentrate on the last parts of my studying here. I have two exams and an essay left to write. He helped cheer me up and we took a day just spending time together watching on things on Netflix and cuddling in the couch. Just what I needed.

Then on Sunday it was my birthday. We took a couple of walks and spend time together. I was feeling sick, so we took it quiet easy. I love my husband so much. One of the reasons is because he always makes me feel better and knows how to make the best of every day. He knows I been going through a couple of hard weeks with my mental health and he helps me through it.

Yesterday was a really bad day. I was sick with fever and headache, spending the whole day in bed, trying to get better. Then in the afternoon we found out that a family friend had passed away. It has really shaken me up. And I know he has been sick for sometime, but I just can’t get my head around it. It also feels wrong that I probably won’t be able to attend his funeral.

This last week has me feeling some confusing emotions and I don’t really know what to do about it. I am happy and sad at the same time. Happy for the visit, happy about my birthday with my husband and sad about my friend. And I am still sick… I am sorry if this post is strange and not something you want to read. I just needed to write it to work through it.

I hope you have an fantastic Wednesday and please take care of one an other. Be nice and appreciate the people in your life.

Love, Nea

Thankful Tuesday – 9th April

I been thinking about what I want to continue writing on this blog and I figured I still want to write about the things I started writing about when I started this blog. So it’s time for a Thankful Tuesday post again.

I am a very lucky woman to have so many amazing people in my life. And today I want to share with you some of the people that have made it possible for me to study abroad.

First up is my parents, not only have they supported this dream and my goal to study abroad. They are one of the reasons that I actually could go. They have taken in my two dogs full time. Taking care of them. Doing everything I would have done if i was home. My mom has actually gone down a bit in time on her work just to be able to take care of the dogs. They are also the ones that looks after our house and makes sure we get our mail. I am so thankful to have them help us in this way. Without their help I would be home studying at my university in Sweden.

But my biggest supporter is my husband. Not only did he drop everything to go with me. He also supports me emotionally and helps me through all the rough patches I have had here in Scotland. He is my rock and I love him. I am so lucky to be able to say that he is my husband. I believe that I am the luckiest woman in the world to share my life with him. He is here with me everyday and pushes me to actually follow my dreams. I am so thankful that he wanted me to follow my dreams and that he is here with my when I fulfill them.

Old picture of husband.

Then I am thankful for my brother, sister-in-law and nephew. I know that they are here for me if I need to talk or get motivation. And I also know that both my brother and sister-in-law helps my parents with the dogs, when it is needed. I know they will help me in any way that I will possible need and I am so thankful to have them in my life. My nephew is the light in my life, he always makes me smile. He has gotten in his head that my dogs, are not mine anymore. No, they are his. So that will be interesting when I get home. I am looking forward to their visit tomorrow and I hope we will have an amazing time together here in Edinburgh. I am thankful that they (and my mother) actually takes the time to come and visit us.

Another person I am thankful for is a friend, Nisse, because he is there as a kind of extra help for my parents when it comes to my dogs. Like for example now that my mother, brother, sister-in-law and nephew are coming for a visit, Nisse will take care of the dogs. For you who doesn’t know, my father has heart problems and can’t take care of the dogs by himself so Nisse is going to take them. He usually helps with the dogs when my husband and I have to much going on with studying and working. He is a rock and an amazing friend. I also know that if I need someone to talk to that he would be there for me in an instant. So I am thankful to have Nisse in my life.

Then I want to talk about Cat. She is a new friend I have gotten to know here in Edinburgh. We took a class together and she is so supportive. And so easy to talk to. She has really made me feel at home here in Edinburgh and at uni. And I am so thankful to have met such an amazing person and that I can call her my friend.

I am also thankful for my mother-in-law. I know that she might have had some doubts about me being able to study abroad, although she never said it out loud. She always supported me and my dreams. And now that I am here doing it, she could not be happier. I know that if she was feeling better she would come for a visit and see this part of our lives, but that is not possible right now. But I know that she are there for me if I need her to be.

There are a lot other persons that I am thankful for as well, but these are the persons that has made this experience happen and I am so grateful for them. I know that in two months time I will be home again. And then a lot of other exiting things are going to happen.

Now I am going to clean the apartment a bit. It’s kind of things everywhere and that just need to be taken care of. I hope you all have an wonderful Tuesday.

Love, Nea

8th of April – Motivational Monday

It’s Monday again and I have Spring Break. This week my mother, nephew, brother and sister-in-law is coming for a visit and I am looking forward to it. There are so much I want to show them here in Edinburgh. And I have missed them very much.

This weeks Monday motivational quote is:

I feel that this is an important thing to think about. You can do what ever you set your mind to. Because you are the only limit in your life. So please don’t limit yourself. Look at me. I am living with anxiety, panic attacks and depression, but I won’t let that limit my life. My dream has been for many years to study abroad and now I am doing it. Granted that it’s later in life than I had planed on. But I am doing it. And If I can go after my dreams, then I know that you can to.

So have an amazing Monday and a magical week.

Love, Nea

Spring Break

As of this Monday, I have Spring Break. Monday was a really good day. I handed in an essay and got the grad for two other essays I have done. I got an A on both of them.

But right now I am going trough a rough patch. I should be out exploring the city with my husband. Instead I am sitting in the couch writing. Because it helps me with all the feelings that I have right now. My husband is amazing and supportive, but I know it’s hard for him seeing me like this. He is doing his best to get me out of my funk. But I feel so tired. All I want to do is sleep, but when I sleep I sleep bad. I am anxious and I don’t know how to explain it.

I am working on getting better. But the stress from the last week of school is getting to me. I hope that I will feel better soon, I want to see more of what Edinburgh has to offer. And next week we will get a visit from my mother, brother, nephew and sister-in-law. I am looking forward to it. I haven’t seen them since the beginning of January.. More then 3 months.

One of the reasons why I haven’t been active here in a while is school work and that I have been feeling drained. I hope you understand that. I want to write more. I want to share more of my feelings and what is happening in my life. And I hope I can do that.

Now I am going to go back to writing and listening to music. My husband is working so I don’t want to get in his way.

I hope you all have an amazing week and if you are going through a rough patch: Please Keep Fighting. Never Give Up!!

18th March – Motivation Monday

It’s Monday and here in Edinburgh the birds are singing outside the window. Its kind of cloudy, but that’s okay. At least its not snowing or raining like it did this Saturday. It feels like spring is here to stay and that is one thing that motivates me.

Today I only have one lecture. And I need motivation to go to it. I am still tired from the hectic week I had when I finished to essays in the course of a week. I think I kind of drained myself. But this week I am going to really start on the next essay. And the theme of the essay is something that I find really interesting so I hope it will be more fun and relaxing to write.

Today’s motivational quote is not really a quote. It’s more of a mantra that I found on Pinterest a while back.

I am grounded.
I am loved.
I am enough.

I don’t know where it comes from and or anything, but it helps me in my darkest days. And I wanted to share it with you. I say this over and over in my head some days and it gives me the motivation to keep going. Keep fighting. Because I know that I can do it and that I am so much stronger then I think.

I hope you have a wonderful Monday and a fantastic week!

Essay planning

My life revolves round tutorials, lectures and essays right now. I am trying to spend as much time as possible with my schoolwork. As much possible without losing my mind.

Right now I am so tired. I would like to crawl into bed and sleep until tomorrow. But I really need to work on two of my essays. When we got home for about an hour ago we just dropped off our things and I changed out of my “School clothes” and into something more relaxing. Then we took a walk along the river of Leith. Just to unwind a bit.

Now I am trying to motivate myself to look up academic articles for my essays. I need to find about 20 different articles. And I might only have 2 good so far. But I am working on that.

I know this was probably a boring update, but I want to be better at sharing my life. And this is my life right now.

Hope you have a wonderful Monday evening.

Love, Nea

Motivation needed…

So I have been MIA for a while now. I have been stressing over my first assignment that I turned in last week. Then I have taken a much-needed break, from all.

On Friday my husband and I had a date night. We didn’t do anything special on Valentines Day, because I had a late class and I was so tired when I got home. So we made up for that on Friday instead. We went to Giant Lanterns of China on Edinburgh Zoo. It was amazing and breathtaking. I took so many pictures with my camera and we had a really nice time. It was so worth how tired I was when we got back to the apartment. And I would definitely go to that again if I ever got the chance. We already started talking about going back to the Zoo this spring to see the animals. I have heard nothing but good things about Edinburgh Zoo and I hope that all I heard is true. I am not really a fan of keeping animals in cages. There are like two Zoos in Sweden that I actually like, but that’s just because I know how well treated the animals are and I know that animals are not being treated like housepets, but kept wild.

On Sunday we took a two hours walk around the outskirts of Edinburgh. We got pretty high up and had an amazing view of Edinburgh. It was an amazing day to just relax and be in nature.

Today I have no lectures so it will be a study day. I have 4 essays left to write before spring break and a lot of reading. I have been awake now for over an hour, but I am letting my husband sleep in. He could really need it. I have been sleeping bad and having anxiety, and I know that he sleeps badly when I feel like this.

Now I am going to try and get something done and not just sit here on the couch. Have an amazing Hump Day! I will try and get better on updating the blog.

Love, Nea