It Saturday and I thought that I wanted to share a post of self-care again. I have not really had time for this blog this last couple of weeks. I have spent so much time as possible to get into living here in Edinburgh. It’s been scary and amazing at the same time. I really love it here, but I miss my dogs and my family.
I have had problems with anxiety and panic attacks these last couple of weeks. I have and am scared of the world outside the door of our apartment. Every day has been a kind of struggle. I don’t want to go home, but I am tired of being scared. I am tired of the anxiety in my body every damn day. I just want to feel good.
Do you know what I do? I hug my husband a lot. I try and think of things I want to do here in Scotland. Things I want to see. And I try to read as much as possible about Scotland. I take walks with my husband in our Neighbourhood. Edinburgh is a fantastic city. I try talking to new people in school.
I try as hard as I can to not let my fears and anxiety keep me from living. I am only here for about four months more and I know that I don’t want to miss out because I am scared. I mean, I am here. If I have gotten this far I can do it all.
I know this was not really a self-care Saturday post as I usually did them but I wanted to share this… And maybe I can try to write a better post next Saturday.
Have a fantastic Saturday night. I am going to eat good food and watch The Voice UK.
It’s just a couple of hours until the first lecture of the day. And this is the first lecture I will have in this course here in Edinburgh. I am a little nervous. I missed last Monday’s lecture because I was enrolling and I was told that there were no lectures at all that Monday, but there where.
I have been reading up for this lecture and I hope it’s as interesting as I believe it to be. I hope I get a great Professor that is easy to listen to.
I have been spending the morning reading and trying to get a good look at this week’s schoolwork. I believe that I really need to stay focused on the work ahead of me. In Sweden, we only read one subject at a time. But here in Edinburgh, I read four at the same time. I have 5 papers that are all due before the first of April and then two exams at the end of April beginning of May.
I have now completed my first week at University in Edinburgh. And it feels kind of strange. I still miss home, but mostly my dogs. It’s hard not seeing them every day and yesterday was one of the hardest days because Oracle turned 6 years old yesterday. I hated not being there. Not taking her to her favourite pet-store where she would have picked out her favourite chews that I would have bought for her. But I know that she has had a wonderful day with my parents. And that they gave her the chews that she loves.
This week has been full of fun things to do, some a little harder than the rest. I can’t believe that we have been living here in Edinburgh for over a week. I know I have written about my first two days at University but I want to tell you about the rest of my week.
On Wednesday we got up quite early and ate breakfast. I had a headache, but when it had become light outside we walked to our nearest Tesco, about 24-30 minute walk away and did some shopping. Then we walked back to our apartment.
In the afternoon I had an International Student Welcome at Campus so I went there. It was a lot of information and I learned things that I think will be useful in the future here in Edinburgh for me.
On Thursday I had two lectures. On in the morning and then one in the afternoon. The first one in the morning was a Business Class with about 300 students in the class. We had the lecture in a really big lecture hall. The Professor was really interesting to listen to and I think I will enjoy this class a lot. Even if I think that it can be challenging at times.
After the lecture I had four hours before my next lecture began, so I met up with my husband and had some lunch. Then we went to the pop-up bookstore that is on campus for two weeks to buy some course literature, but they didn’t have one of the books. The staff was so nice so they called their bookstore in the city centrum a have them put a copy aside for me.
With more than two hours left before my lecture, my husband and I explored the Campus area and just spent some time together. My last lecture of the day was amazing. It was interesting and fun, and I am already looking forward to the next Thursday so I can go to the lecture again.
On Friday we took the bus into Princes Street in the morning. We went shopping in Primark on Princes Street and I found some really nice things. After that, we went to Lothian Buse’s office and bought bus cards, so we no longer need to have change for every bus ride. And then we went to the bookstore and got the book that was set aside for me and some other things.
I was really tired when we got home, but after lunch, I set out to sort out the reading I had to do for my lectures and make a schedule for my classes. And then I noticed that I had missed buying one book. So we decided to go to the city centre again on Saturday.
On Saturday I woke up not feeling my best, I think my nerves got the best of me. So instead of hopping on a bus into the city centre, we decided to take a small walk in the area around our apartment. The small walk became a 70 minutes walk. Then when we got back to the apartment we ate some lunch and then we took a bus into the city. It was a bit cold and windy. We hopped off the bus and walked a new way to the bookstore. At the bookstore, we bought the book that was missing for my class and then we walked to Princess Street. We walked into TK Maxx, but it was so crowded so we left almost directly. Instead, we walked to Primark here I bought some things again.. I am wondering if I should make a post about what I have bought. We will see. Then we took the tram out to Gyle Shopping Center because here they have the Disney Store. As some of you might know I love Disney. We bought a blanket and a Christmas ornament and then we walked around some in the shopping centre before we did some shopping at Morrison. Then we took the next bus home and had a nice evening eating some good food, talking and finally watching the Voice UK on the telly.
Today I am going to study and get ready for the week. I wish you all a wonderful Sunday!
Tomorrow is the day that School starts here in Edinburgh for me. It’s scarry and I have wanted to go home since Thursday when we arrived. It feels like something is missing. Like something is wrong… I can’t excplain it better.
I told my husband this and we had a long chat. He was very understanding and supportive. For this I am so greatful. We talked about how I miss the dogs. What makes my anxiety are through the roof. And all my fears right now. And you know what. It feels better now. It doesen’t feel completly fine. But maybe I will get there?!
We took the decision that we are going to give it 2 weeks and then se how I feel. How my mental health is and what I feel like doing. I am not a quiter but these few days I have wanted to go home and be with my dogs. And having my family just a short drive away. Not several hours away with an ocean between.
I am sharing this with you becase I want to be honest. Life isn’t always easy and sometimes it’s a real pain in my ass. Days like this I hate my anxiety and panicdisorder. I usually can hold my thoughts and feelings in check. But appearently not right now…
My husband is my greatest supporter and that he believes in me. That I can do this is so helpful. I want to make him proud of me and show everyone els that I am stronger then they think.
I hope you all have an amazing Sunday. We are going to take a quiet evening in the apartment and get ready for tomorrow.
Yesterday I had my last day at campus, here in Sweden before I go to Edinburgh. It has been a hard week so far. And I am so thankful for my friends at campus for helping me through this tough week. I think that it’s more real now that we are moving. Moving away from my dogs, my family and my friends. It has always been like months away, and now its just a couple of weeks. I am looking forward to studying abroad, but I know I will miss everyone at home.
I have always dreamed about studying in another country. But with my depression, anxiety and panic attacks I never thought I would be possible. Now, thanks to my wonderful husband’s support and the help from my family I am finally going.
I know that I am stronger than I think. I know I can do anything I want to do and I also know that my dogs are going to be well taken care of while I am gone. And this is a quote that I try to remember.
I missed posting a few of my planned Christmas Countdown post this week, just because I have had these bad days. But I will post them soon.
Now its time to finally tell you the big news! Drumroll… My husband and I are moving to Scotland for 5 months because I have been nominated by my university to study at Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh. I am so happy. And excited. And anxious.
We move at the beginning of January. And for those of you who wonder, the dogs are not moving with us. They will be living with my parents. I am going to miss them very much, but I know they are going to be well taken care of by my parents.
I am looking forward to Studying Abroad. It’s going to be an amazing opportunity for me to learn better English and to evolve as a person. And meet new people.
This summer, my husband and I went to Edinburgh to get a feel for the city and the campus where I am going to study. The city is amazing, and I feel bad for not spending more time there then I did, but I was sick at the beginning of our stay in England. And the Campus has big open spaces and park-like grounds so I think I will like it there a lot.
A and I eloped. We didn’t want to have a big party where everyone was looking at us when we exchanged our vows. So we did it legally in Sweden at the city hall in Örebro. It took about 10 minutes and our witnesses were my brother, my sister-in-law and my nephew. My brother found out the day before that he was going to witness our wedding. But this is not what we count as our wedding day. My sister-in-law had known about our wedding since September last year, because she helped me with finding my dream dress and planing so they could come with us to England.
We had our real wedding 13 days later, the date that we have in our rings, in Wales in Great Britain. My brother and sister-in-law were our witnesses this time too. It was just us four. And my brother was taking the photos. We had our private ceremony in a grove. It was perfect and everything I wanted it to be. My husbands vow where amazing and I cried. I will remember this day forever.
It was all just what I wanted it to be. And I am really pleased with how we were true to ourselves and did it our way. Our parents got a text in the evening on our wedding day, with a picture and we wrote like: so this happened on our vacation.
We have gotten mixed responses on our wedding, but for the most part, it has been positive.
We had a wedding party to celebrate with our family and friends last Friday. I will write more about it later. And I know I will write more about our wedding later too. It’s one of the best days of my life..