I been away from this blog for a couple of weeks now, and the reason is that I have not had the time or energy to write anything. I been studying for at least 50 hours a week. It has drained my energy and I still have all the other “normal” things to do. Like housework and try and spend time with my husband and dogs. I am stressed almost every hour and sleep where badly. This affects my anxiety, so I am really not feeling myself.
I am fighting to keep my mood up and keep on going. I know that it is going to be a couple of more hard weeks and then I hope it is going to be better. If not, well then I just need to keep going anyway. I am a fighter and I am so close to getting my degree. I am not going to fall down on the finish line.
But good news, the renovation on the new house is going forward and we hope to be able to move in this year. I am hoping on November, but I been an optimist before.
Now I really need to go back to studying. I just wanted to let you all know I am alive. I wish you all an amazing week.
As some of you might know from other posts. I am really clumsy. I walk into furniture, I fall down a lot and most things I do can go wrong. Well let me tell you about yesterday.
So I was having a nice quiet morning in the sofa, listening to music in my headphones not to wake up my husband. I had eaten breakfast and was trying to just relax. When one of my dogs, Oracle started getting stressed and walking and whining. I knew this meant she needed to go out, so I quietly put on more cloths because it was like -4 Celsius outside. And went out with Oracle. So far so good. But when we where back after our walk I drooped my keys down between our stairs and the locked door. Not good. I could not reach it even how much I tired and I could not move the stairs. Not good at all. I tried to keep Oracle quiet while I tried to get a hold of my husband. I tried calling both his work mobile and his private mobile. I tried messenger. I was also knocking like crazy on the door. Both me and Oracle was getting frustrated and cold.
After a while I messaged my brother, because he lives in the same town as us and has a key, but they where not at home. I felt kind of defeated, but then my husband woke up and let us in. Now I can laugh at my clumsiness, but right then I was so mad at myself.
So what can I say. The clumsiness continues. But that is just me. I am stating to get used to it now. And my husband too.
Today my last semester at this University starts, or at least the last planed semester. I am thinking about taking one more semester at uni, maybe not this university. I am going to try and get a meeting with my student counselor and look at the course I want to take.
I only have afternoon lectures today, two of them. And the last one ends at six this evening, which means I won’t be home until earliest 7. It’s going to be a long day and I am kind of nervous. This might sound strange, I mean this is my uni, where I already gone for four semesters. But since I went my 5th semester abroad and now I am back here in Sweden, it feels kind of weird. I mean, I am not really the same woman that left Sweden. I feel like I have grown a lot and I know more of what I want in life.
I have always loved my uni, but I loved the Heriot-Watt University as well, and I know I will miss it. But it is really nice to do my last semester here in Sweden. I am looking forward to Autumn and yesterday morning I could almost smell the Autumn in the air. It was cold and crisp. This morning I almost wanted to go inside again because I thought it was so cold, but Zelda was happy just walking and sniffing on everything.
Oracle went with my husband to work earlier this morning and I am dropping Zelda of there on the way to campus. This way I am not alone at home with my nerves, but I do not have to deal with two dogs when I am packing everything up. Plus Oracle gets some extra time alone with my husband, which she really needs.
I can feel my anxiety levels are kind of high right now and it helps me a lot that I have Zelda here at home with me. She is sitting next to me on the sofa right now and the music also helps. I am trying my best to keep myself from spiraling and keep myself grounded. I know I can do this. I also know that I have my husband just a phone call away if I need to talk, which also helps. But now I am going to get ready for my lectures today.
Yesterday I had my Introduction to Law Exam. It was in one of the two new exam halls, that opened this summer at my university. It was really nice and I am actually looking forward to having more exams there. I am not completely sure how the exam went for me, but I did my best. And with two sick dogs for the last week (the dogs are feeling better today) and not that much time to study because of it, I have to be okay with that. If I need to take the exam again I just have to.
My parents took care of the dogs when I took the exam, and my husband drove me. Which was nice. He is really busy right now, with the new house and work. Next week he is going to go away for work, and he will be gone almost the whole week. But it is the kind of project he loves to do, so that is nice.
Today I have a cloudy head. I don’t really know how to explain it any other way. What I mean is that it feels kind of fluffy in there. Like I’m not completely awake. I usually gets like this after an exam. I think it might have something to do with the fact that for 4 hours yesterday my brain had to work really hard and it needs a break for a while now.
So today my head and I have washed clothes (four full machines), done the dishes and vacuumed the house. I also had a kind of happy dance in the living room, because why not. It is important to enjoy life. Sometimes the best is to dance like nobody is watching. And if a neighbor saw, lets say I don’t care. I had a great time.
I have also started reading a new book today. Nora Roberts book The Collector. I have never read it before, but Nora Roberts is one of my favorite writers. The book is real good so far, and I have to admit I have read about halfway through so far. It is hard to put down.
My husband is going to be home late today. He is at my brother and sister-in-law and helping them. I could have gone with, but with the dogs still not all okay and my head cloudy I just don’t really think I am the best company. So instead I will cuddle down in the sofa with the dogs and continue reading.
As of last week my oldest dog, Oracle turns 6,5 years old. In many ways she is the reason that I am currently having the life I have. She is the reason I can function almost like a “normal person”. She has helped me with so many of my issues and even though I am still fighting my mental health every day, I now have something I did not have before I got Oracle. I have the courage to do something, even when its hard.
It was my therapist that said I should get a dog and to be honest it was the best advice I ever got from that therapist. I have always dreamt of a dog. Always wanted one, but I grew up being allergic and had asthma, and I still am. But I took an allergy test, because allergies change over time and it had. I was no longer allergic to dogs. I made my boyfriend take a allergy test as well, because what was the point on getting a dog if he was allergic. He is the love of my life and I did not want to make him sick, because of my dreams and hopes. But he was not allergic.
Then came the months and months I researcher dog breads to find a dog that could help me. That could be trained to be my therapy dog. I know you can by a therapy dog, but they are expensive and we did not have that kind of money. No, I needed to fin a dog bred that I could train. I researcher therapy dogs and started to think of what I needed the dog to do. In the end I had some criteria: – It had to be a dog that liked to work – A happy dog bred – A dog that could be okay with a few days of shorter walks and then walk a few miles another day – A dog that could be in my lap.
The fact that I needed to have a dog that could be in my lap narrowed down the breeds. I had always wanted a lab or a German Shepard. But these breeds where not the right one. In the end we visited different kennels and found out that the dog for me was a Corgi. In particular a Welsh Corgi Cardigan.
And after almost 1,5 years since I started Oracle was born and my boyfriend (now husband) bought her for me. We visited the kennel three times before we brought her home with us.
Even though I did my research and know all things I thought I needed to know to have a dog, nothing could ever prepare me for the love I feel for Oracle or the bond between us. Or how she would bring so much joy and chaos to my life.
And nothing could ever prepare me for the love she has for my husband (her dad). She is the best dog I ever known and there are a lot of people who thinks she is more human than a dog. She always senses when someone is not doing alright. Then she will do everything in her power to make them feel better. I have seen it with me, my father (he has heart problems) and with a few friends that been having a rough time. She has a heart of gold and I can honestly say I don’t know where I would have been without her in my life. Probably not sitting her, planing for the last term before I take my Batchelers Degree and so happy with my life I sometimes think I will burst.
I wish you all an amazing Tuesday. I am going to spend this day at home with the dogs, studying and packing. And being grateful to having my dogs as part of my family.
Do you ever have a week that is like a roller coaster? I have had that kind of week.. Its been so many amazing moments, some kind of life changing, and then some really lows. And I want to share this with you. I think it’s kind of important to talk about my low points, but also the high points in my life.
So if I start with last Saturday. I had an amazing day. Kind of life changing for me, because I did something I have never done before. And to be honest its something kind of crazy. Or I don’t really think it is crazy, but I know that a lot of people around me will find this crazy. I dyed my hair pink. Or I got help from my lovely sister-in-law Felicia. She is really amazing.
So now I have pink hair and I love it. This is something I been wanting to do since I was like 11-12 years old, but I have never in my whole life dyed my hair. This is not an ad, but for you who wonders I used Arctic Fox’s Virgin Pink on my unbleached hair. And the result is what you see down below. So now I have pink hair and I love it. This is something I been wanting to do since I was like 11-12 years old, but I have never in my whole life dyed my hair.
The reason why I chose Arctic Fox is because: Arctic Fox is vibrant, cruelty-free, vegan semi-permanent hair (taken from Arctic Fox Website). (NOT AN AD).
Then on Sunday I had a kind of dip, because I had some minor panic attacks and actually did not feel so secure in our house. I don’t really know what happen except I had some flashbacks, that triggered anxiety in me. But my husband helped me through it.
Monday was an amazing day. We officially got the keys to our new house. I have been keeping quiet about this for a long time, because it been some uncertainties, but now it is ours. So we (read my husband) is going to do some renovating and then we plan on moving in the end of summer, if everything goes according to our plans. I will write more about the house later, because it is really special for me.
Then on Tuesday, my husband helped his brother moving into his farm, and he was gone the entire day and long into the night. I am starting to get used to my husband being back at work, but then he is usually back at home by 6 pm, but he was not back until after midnight and I had a bad day with panic attacks and anxiety so it was kind of a bad day for me. But a really good day for my brother-in-law to finally move in to the farm.
I also got the my grades on Thursday. My grades for my time in Edinburgh. I been waiting on them for some time and I have been kind of nervous about how it has gone. But I am so happy. I got two A:s and two B:s. I ended up crying some and also doing a happy dance.
Then on Wednesday was so and so day. Kind of boring, but kind of okay. My cold came back, so I spent most of my day under a blanket on the sofa with our two dogs reading books and watching JAG.
Thursday my husband started working some on our new house, or more on our new house. And found that the floor in the room that is going to be our bedroom has an old wooden floor under the carpet. It is untreated so we can probably do something fun with it. Hopefully it is like that under the carpet in the room that will be our office as well.
Then yesterday was both really good day and a kind of hard day. I found out that my name change has gone through, so now I have my husbands last name. I know its been almost one year since we got married, but because everything in Edinburgh was in my maiden name, we decided to wait until we moved home again for me to change. But I am so happy to finally have his last name.
And then in the evening I had flashbacks and anxiety. It was not funny at all, and I had moments I was so scared. My dogs helped a lot and when my husband came home it helped as well. But I slept really bad and today I feel like a zombie, and I am wondering if I should get some sleep.
Today my husband is helping my brother-in-law with some moving as well. Hopefully they will get the last things moved today, but I don’t really know. I am currently home alone with the dogs and it feels okay, which means that I am starting to feel better. One thing I can say is that you can’t let your bad days or moments bring you down. Concentrate on the good things in your life.
Yesterday my husband and I was in to the city center of Edinburgh. We visited Calton Hill and then we went to Bravissimo, a shop with underwear for woman that have big breasts. My husband had found the shop when he had googled around to find a place to find me a bikini. And he found Bravissimo. The shop had very good reviews and when we checked their website they had many beautiful bikinis.
The store is on 20 Multrees Walk, Edinburgh EH1 3DQ. And the staff was amazing and very nice. They also have stores in other locations in the UK. The website is: https://www.bravissimo.com/
We got in and almost directly we got a question if we needed help. I explained that I was looking for a bikini. Then she asked if I had bought clothes from them before, which a hadn’t. They said that if I waited 5-10 minutes I could get help with finding the right size for me. So we waited and walked around in the store and looked at the sortiment.
After about 10 minutes Lauren came up to me and introduced herself. She was so nice and helpful. She took me to a dressing room and we talked a bit of what I was looking for. I also decided that I wanted to by some bra’s. She came in with a couple of different styles and I get to try them on. I just have to say the service in the store was better then I ever seen before. And I usually get panic-attacks in dressing rooms, but Lauren was so nice and professional. She was easy to talk to and she listened to my wants. I didn’t feel like a burden or like I was a hard costumer with what I was looking for.
The whole experience was amazing and I walked out from the store happy and with a lot of new products, both bikinis, bras and panties. And I never felt forced to buy anything. All I bought was things I fell in love with and know I will be very happy with.
I will absolutist be back to that store. And just to clarify this is not a paid ad, this is my honest opinion. I never been that good treated in a store before and I think more people should know about the store.