Worried

Right now I am sitting in my parent’s kitchen waiting to hear from my husband. He’s at the Emergency Room. Hopefully, it’s nothing serious but when he got home today he had pain in his right arm. We found a bruise and I git worried because he is not a person that whines and he had surgery two weeks ago. My first instinct was that he had gotten a thrombus. He called the medical information and they said he should go to the emergency room.

I and the dogs went with him and then we went to my parents so I can drive him home when he gets to come home. Now I just hope its nothing serious.

I am having some anxiety and panic over this. And I am glad that I am at my parents for support. Here in Sweden its half past eleven in the evening right now. And I want to sleep but I know that I can’t until I know how my husband is doing.

Motivational Monday ~ November 5

This week’s Motivational Monday quote is:

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kindAlways.” ~  Ian Maclaren

This Motivational Monday quote is a reminder that we can’t see what everyone is fighting against. Some people can be fighting depression or maybe fibromyalgia. We don’t know. But we can be kind to each other.

I am so tired of people not being kind to each other.  It doesn’t take some much more energy to try and be nice. Give each other compliments. Build up one and another, instead of tearing down.

Be a good example for the children, for a better future. The world needs more love, not more hate.

Love, Nea

Exam, surgery and winter tires – Situation Sunday

So I decided to try a new kind of Situation Sunday because I feel like my old ones weren’t really what I wanted to share with you. I will probably write some news from around the world on Situation Sunday, but it will mostly be about my week and my thoughts in the future. If you don’t have any requests.

This week have been eventful. And I will share bits of it with you.

On Monday I had my Statistics Exam from 8 in the morning to 1 in the afternoon. I feel like I have a very slim chance of getting a passing grade on that exam, so I will probably have to take it again in December. And for that, I am really sad, but I did my best and my head wasn’t really in the game so to say.

On Monday afternoon my husband underwent surgery. It’s a surgery we have waited for a couple of months and it was nice that it was finally happening. But the surgery was postponed from 1 o’clock in the afternoon to 2 in the afternoon. When I talked to him after my test he said that they also had some delays. I went to his work to eat some lunch and wait for the operation to finish because I was driving him home. His operation started at 3 o’clock in the end. But now its done. And it went well and he is now recovering.

It’s been snowing some here at the beginning of the week and in Sweden, you need to have winter tires on your car between 1 of December to the 31 of Mars. But you need to have winter tires on before that if there are ice and snow on the roads before that. And my husband’s car is a company car that didn’t have winter tires so on Monday I had my parents car and also on Tuesday. On Wednesday my husband got new winter tires on his car but now it’s not cold out anymore. I am hoping for the cold to get back soon. I want to have winter in November and December.

My husband needs to take it easy after his surgery and should not lift things or take it easy. So this week I have tried to make life as easy for him as possible and made sure that he doesn’t lift things. And that has been hard to do because he does not like sitting still. He likes being active.

Last Sunday we place a bid on a kitchen table and 6 chairs from an auction that my mother-in-law’s boyfriend runs. We only saw pictures of it but it looked really nice and my mother-in-law went to the action and saw it so we trusted her judgment. And I am so glad that we did. Because we won so now we have a new kitchen table and chairs. The set is so much better than any set we have watched on furniture stores. Flash forward to this Wednesday when we got the delivery of the furniture. My brother came to help us with the lifting, but we couldn’t get somebody else, so my husband decides that he will carry the table with my brother, even tho he should not do that. At the end after a lot of bickering between my husband and me, and then between my husband and my mother-in-law, she came and helped my brother and me in with the table and chairs. And I am so grateful for her and my brothers help.

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Our new table and 4 of the 6 chairs.

And yesterday I spent the whole day in bed because I was not feeling well. And I am really sad because we were going to meet my mother-in-law’s boyfriends daughter and her family. Something I had been looking forward to, but I will just have to meet them another day.

Now that some parts from my eventful week. I didn’t write anything about my mental health struggles this week, that is not because I didn’t have any but because I feel like I don’t need to share it with you today. I more or less always fighting with my anxiety and my panic attacks, but I don’t want it to be my entire life. I will write about it in other posts in the future just not today. Today is a good day.

I hope you don’t mind me changing Situation Sunday. And that you have an amazing week to come!

Love, Nea

Feeling down

I don’t really know what happened. I have had an okay day, but now in the afternoon, I started feeling down. I am feeling like I want to crawl down in a hole and not come out. This is a feeling I hate to have and I am trying to turn this day around.

I am feeling drained by the lack of sleep and the worries about Oracle. By what I have observed today I want to say that she is feeling better, but I am not sure. I have spent the last two days at home, but today I want into campus to have a computer lab about statistics. My father had the dogs while I was away and I am really thankful for that.

Tomorrow I have an early lecture and then I really need to continue with my studying for the exam. I am a little nervous about the exam, but I am going to do my best and that just have to be enough.

Right now I am fighting to keep my eyes open, but I have so much more to do today. The dogs need to get food and then a walk. My husband is cooking dinner for us, so I need to eat. And I really should pack my bag for tomorrow. And put the dog cages in the car, so I don’t need to stress about that tomorrow morning. Plus I have a few emails I need to send away.

Love, Nea

Sick dog..

I haven’t been that active here these last couple of days, because I have a sick dog at home.

On Saturday Oracle started having some problems with her stomach and since then she has been sick. My husband and I have been taking turns going out with her, both day and night. And yesterday Oracle was with my husband at work so I could go to campus for a lecture. Zelda was alone at doggie daycare, but it went really well and she was so good.

Today I am staying home with both dogs. I don’t want to leave them home alone and yesterday is the first day Oracle actually ate something. Right now she is laying beside me on the sofa sleeping. She seeks closeness all the time and I am just trying to be here for her.

This morning my husband took her out for a quick walk while I gave Zelda her breakfast. Oracle is eating food that is gentle for her tummy so she can’t eat her usually dog food. When Oracle came inside she walked around for a bit and then she tried to poop, so I got up to get her out again, but she sat down on the rug in the living room and pulled her self forward with her butt pressed against the rug. She left a brown mark after her. I was not pleased, but not angry at her. She is sick. So I called my husband who had just left and he came back and cleaned up the rug while I walked both dogs outside.

It feels like Oracle is getting better, but I still want to keep an eye on her and that’s why I am staying home today. I don’t want to leave her with anyone else.

Now I am going to try to get some studying done before I need to take the dogs outside again.

Have an amazing day!

Love, Nea

My husband – Thankful Tuesday

I am thankful for being married to the best man I have ever meet. He is my best friend and I know that he is always there for me.

I can call him whenever I need to talk to him and he always gives me time. When I have a panic attack he just gives me exactly what I need. He listens to my problems and he is always a good sounding board to my ideas and thoughts.

He makes me laugh, even if I had a really bad day.  You know the kind of laughter that makes your stomach ache.

He supports my dreams and goals. Many of them are the same for both of us. And he always pushes me to do better and to never give up. He helps me overcome things I didn’t think I would ever be able to do. But with his help, I am now studying at a University and getting a bachelor’s degree in Business Administration (Company Economics in Swedish).

This November we have been a couple for 12 years and I don’t know what I would do without him in my life.

I could write a book about what he means to me and still not be close to finishing with all that is amazing about this man.

So to finish this post. I am thankful for my husband on this thankful Tuesday.

Mad Wednesday

Today I am mad. But at myself. I have been having a couple of really bad days with my anxiety and my depression. I feel like a am on the brink of falling down a high cliff. And I am doing everything in my power to stop it from happening. Like I wrote in an earlier post I had a really hard Monday. I tried everything to turn it around and I actually turned it around in the evening just spending time with my wonderful dogs and my husband.

Then yesterday I dropped off the dogs with my father, I borrowed my parent’s car again and drove to campus. And when I came to campus I just couldn’t leave the car. I just froze. So I ate my lunch in the car and about 20 minutes before my class started I gathered all my energy and went to the classroom I was going to be in. It was a 2-hour class, but when it was about 10 minutes left I started to panic. it felt like the walls were closing in on me and I had no energy to fight it, so I left the class. I then had an hour to drive home, and I didn’t know if I was going to make it home. But staying at the campus was no option. So I called my husband and he talked a bit with me and really helpt med focus and feel a little better. Then when my husband really couldn’t talk more, because of his job I called my father and we talked. My parent’s car has a Bluetooth that I had my phone connected to so I can drive and talk. My husband also has one in his car and when I don’t feel my best its really good to have someone to talk to.

My father and I talked for about 45 minutes and we ended the talk when I was almost home.  It helped me with driving home and I am forever grateful that I have my awesome father that always are there to help me.

Then when I parked at home and got all my things in the house I went directly to my stash of chocolate and at a couple of pieces. After about 10 minutes at home I felt a lot better and about that time my parents came home with my dogs. So my mother and I took a walk with the dogs and just talked about who I was feeling and then about other things so I could relax. When we came back from our walk, my husband had come home. And just like that I was relaxed. I have always felt safe with my husband. He is one of the only people that I know will always be there for me and always have my back. But he also pushes me to keep fighting my demons. And I can honestly say I don’t understand how I got so lucky to spend my life with him.

We spent the evening together and just took it easy. But just like I expected my stomach started giving me trouble. I have gastric catarrh and my panic can stress my stomach and make me really sick. Long story short… I have spent the night awake with a stomach ache. So this morning I didn’t go to campus. Which means I missed a lecture and a class with calculation exercises in statistics.

Wow, I wrote longer then I thought about why I am mad at myself. I just hate when I have bad days. But like my husband usually reminds me I have come a long way these past years. I never thought that I would be able to say that I am a university student. Or that I have a drivers license. Or that I can go to the store by my self and shop.

But just so you all know I am not giving up. I plan on going to my class tomorrow and Friday’s lecture. I am going to get my bachelors degree and every obstacle in my way and every hard day is just going to make me stronger.

Sorry for the rant.

Love, Nea