No Motivational Monday?

As some of you probably noticed I did not post a Motivational Monday post yesterday. And the truth is that time just ran away for me. I though about it when I got up, but then I had so much going on with the dogs, the washing-machine that decided not to work properly and studying for my exam on Friday. If I could sum up yesterday it was a crappy crappy day, but today is a new day and we will forget about yesterday and concentrate on the now.

So today I am sharing the song that inspires me the most at the moment. It is a song that’s been out there a while, but since I heard it the first time it has kind of stuck with me.

All I can say, maybe I really need my Motivational Monday to start the week off in the right way. I am going to try and do a post next Monday, but I don’t think that will be an issue. Next Monday I am starting a new course for Uni, since the course I am taking now ends after my exam on Friday. I am a bit nervous over the exam, but I will do my best and that is all I can do.

I am also going into town today to pick up the food I have ordered. My husband is having a full week as well and this will be the second time that I have ordered food to be packed in the foodstore by employes. This is great, becuse I saw a lot of time, I don’t have to be out and about with a lot of people who can be sick and I can stay safe.

But I know that before the year is over there are some stores I need to go to. I been doing the social distancing since early March. All my uni work I can do online, which is great and I have only been out with people when I know it’s safe and that I can control it. I never been in a shop when there are a lot of people there and I am careful. And I will continue to be so until this pandemic is over.

I hope you all are taking care of yourself and keeping your distance from people. Now I really need to start my day and get some studying done.

Love, Nea

Fall

Yesterday was the first official day of fall, but let’s be honest. It’s felt like fall a couple of weeks not with the crisp air, the leaves turning yellow, orange and red. We have started lightning fires in the fireplace and having more candles burning in the evenings. The other day I literally stumbled over some chanterelles in the woods when we where out walking. I picked them up so my husband how loves them could eat them with his dinner.

I have a fall cleaning in mind for the whole house, but I still have a lot of things I had planed on doing this summer left to do, like paint the hallway uppstairs. I hope I have the time to do that, with uni and everything else.

I also have a full shopping list of things for the house, like more blankets and candles. You can never have enough candles living in the woods when the electricity can go out at any second. Our supply is currently a bit low, but I will fix that soon.

I have a lot of work for Uni this week and in the end of next week I have a big exam. I am kind of nervous about this term paper I am working on and the exam, but I will do my best and try and keep my anxiety in check.

I wish you all an fantastic Wednesday and I hope I can post more updates and other things soon.

Love, Nea

Motivational Monday ~ 21 September

Monday again and this weekend did not give me the rest and energy I would have needed. I spent to much time worrying and stressing, which resulted in to little time to actually get write on my termpaper. So I have a full week of studying and writing ahead of me. And a plan for me not to worry or stress. We will just have to see how that goes. But what is most important in the end is that I give it my best.

Last week was a hard week for many. Some would say 2020 strikes again. The world lost Ruth Bader Ginsburgh. I am writing that the world lost her because she was an inspiration to a lot of people, me included. And she made things happen that have changed the world, or at least things in the US.

This is also why I have decided that todays motivational quotes will be one of my favourite things I have read that Ruth Bader Ginsbugh has said.

So stand up for your self. Be the person you want to be and be independent. You are fantastic!

Have a wonderful week!

Love, Nea

Motivational Monday ~ 14th of September

We are almost in the middle of September and it feels like time goes by so fast. I have a full Schedule this week, but I feel ready for it. This weekend has made me relax some for the next coming month of uni. And we also made a lot of progress at home with some pictures on the walls as well as some much needed time together.

There is a lot of things I want to do this fall and some of these things I am kind of scared of doing, but that reminds me of this quote down below, that is why it is today’s quote.

Today is a great day to do whatever it is you been putting of. Today is the day to do the thing that makes you a bit scared. Start this week of great, beacuse that is what I am planing on doing.

I wish you all an magical week.

Love, Nea

Motivational Monday, 7th September

I don’t know about how your previous week has been, but mine has been hectic and full of decisions. Getting back into studying mood as well as juggling giving the dogs their time and cooking, cleaning, washing and trying not to get sick. I been fighting a cold this week. I usually get them in September so it’s nothing new. And right now I feel like I could use some good motivation. And on this week in my calendar the weeks quote seemed fitting.

I hope this makes you remember that what Christopher Robin said is true. You are so much more than you think and I believe that if you ave the right mindset everything will go great.

Now I am going to start with the studying I have on my schedule for the day. And then I am going to start writing down all my ideas for blog posts I been thinking about.

I wish you all an fantastic week, and if you have nice weather take some time and appreciate the sun before fall really kicks in.

Love, Nea

Motivational Monday ~ 31 August

It’s Monday again and this week I will start Uni again. I feel in need for some motivation to keep the spirit up this first week. Because I know it will be brutal to start studying again.

“Believe you can, then you will.”
~ Mulan, Disney movie

I don’t know if that motivates anyone else other than me. But I know I can do this. I mean this will be my 8 semester at uni and have I managed so far then I should be able to do at least one semester more.

I wish you all an fantastic week.

Love, Nea

I could have had a 5 year old

This feels so strange. That time has moved so fast. But 6 years ago, I was pregnant. Only about two-three months, but still pregnant. I was going away on a vaccation with my brother, my parents and my dog. And my boyfriend (now husband) and I suspected that I was pregnant and decided that if my period had not come when I was back, I would take the test. I had morning sickness. My bobs hurt and well a lot more symptoms.

On the ferry ride back from my vacation I got really sick. My mother thought that I was sea sick, but it was a miscarriage. My stomach hurt and I was bleeding. When I got home I called my doctor and later got the news. Yes, I had been pregnant and I had lost it. I can not describe the emotions inside of me or well anything. But it was one of the worst things I have gone through and in some ways I went through it alone. My boyfriend did not understand what I was going through. His body had not been the one changing and like I said I was only a couple of months on my way.

I got depressed and started to eat to deal with my emotions. I got bigger and gained about 20 kilograms. And then I got the question from someone. “Are you pregnant?” It felt like a slap in the face and I had to try and hold it together. I had lost my baby and I get that question. So I ate some more. And everywere I looked it seemed like people were getting pregnant and having babys and here I was.. feeling empty and having no idea what to do. I was unemployed, gaining weight and unhappy. My boyfriend helped me thourugh it the best he could but it still hurts this time a year. In just a few days it will be the date that I lost the baby and that day I let my self grieve.

Now I know, after a couple more miscarriages that I can get pregnant, but not keep the baby. And if the baby by any chance would survive my life would be on the line. There is nothing that can be done. At least nothing that would be worth it for me. So we, my husband and I, have made the decision that we won’t have biological children. And as it is today, we don’t know if we will ever want children at all. It was a decision that took a lot of talking and being honest with each other. It hurt, a lot, I am not going to lie. But in the end we are in a better place in out relationship and I am happy. With our decision, with my life and with our future.

Even though my heart still yearns for a baby sometimes I don’t really feel the same pull like I did before. And writing this post, do not hurt as much as it did finding out I can’t have children a couple of years ago. This has not been something I have shared with the world before, only close family. But I feel it’s time.

Time to heal, even though I will always wonder who that baby could have been. And every other baby I lost. But that first miscarriage it was the one that I carried the baby inside of me for the longest time. The other’s I was only about a month pregnant, not two to three months. And there was a noticeable difference inside me and my body.

It is time to be open and honest about this, not only because I don’t really belive in keeping things like this secret. And because I am sick and tired of getting questions like: “When are the two of you going to have a baby?” “Are you not getting into the age of having children now?” “Are you pregnant?”

Nobody should ask these questions. And I have to admit. I have asked the first question to people and now I will regret that for the rest of my life. I have nothing to do with their decision to have or not have children. It is their life’s. So if you are one of these people. I am truly sorry if I ever caused you any hurt because I am asked you about having kids. I hope you can forgive me.

Love, Nea

Minivaccation

I am going on a minivaccation with my mum and nephew today. We are going somewhere that holds some of my best childhood summer memorys.. but I am anxious and are having a small panic episode.

I really don’t want to mess up my nephews vaccation with my mental health. I want him to have fun. This does not mean that I am hiding my problems from him. I have decided that I am going to be open and honest with everyone around me. Includimg my nephew.

I want children to know that sometimes you don’t feel all right and that its okay to get help. I want to teach people everything I wanted to hear or needed to hear when my mental health problems started.. when I was 14-15 years old.

This does not mean that I am going to explain my depression and anxiety to him. But I will talk about it if he asks and be as honest as I can without scaring him.

Now I am going to continue packing. Have a lovely day.

Love, Nea

Messy house

I have been sick on and off for about three weeks. I got a bloody cold as well as allergys that been messing with me. But I am starting to feel better.

The thing is that beeing sick has made me completly behind on all the things at home. My husband has done his best. But he has about a million more things then homechores to do so it’s a big mess inside the house. It does not help either that we have tenents moving in soon in our old house.. my husband has been clearing out that house and brought thing here instead..

It feels like were ever I look there are a million things put of order and the laundery has taken over our bedroom and upstairs hallway..

Is there any chance there is such a thing as cleaning fairy’s? Because I would really need them right now.. I have started on the washing and the cleaning, but it will take a while, since I am not completely all right yet.

Well that was just a short update from me.. I wish you a wonderful day.

Love, Nea

Travel dreams

I am sitting here at home in the livingroom looking at pictures I took when we lived in Scotland. It was an fantastic experiance and I miss it a lot. I am also kind of sad over all the things that we did not do, but I know we are going to go back. There is no question about it. I am hoping we are going to be able to go next year, but right now with COVID-19 it does not seem to be happening.

I am looking on the pictures because I am going to order some enlargements to put on our where bare walls. I have actually not put a single picture up on the walls and we have been living here over 6 months now. So I think it is about time. It is just so hard to decide what to put up and where. I am planing on doing a kind of family wall as well, with the persons we care about the most, both alive and those who have sadly passed.

As I am sitting here I am reflection over all the places I been to (which is not that many) and all the places I still want to see.

I have been to (I am not including like day trips or when we drove through conteries); Norway, Ireland, The UK and Czech Republic.

Places I want to go to: Iceland, America, Spain, Italy, France, Austraila, New Zealand and Canada.

Traveling is a bit harder for me than some other persons. And that is because of my allergies, asthma and mental health. It is not impossible, but usually takes a lot of planing and it can be kind of scary. I know we are going back to the UK and Ireland, where it was kind of easy. And I am going to do my best to be able to go all the other places I want as well. But time will tell.

Where are your goal to travel? And where is your favorite place to travel?

Love, Nea