Today my last semester at this University starts, or at least the last planed semester. I am thinking about taking one more semester at uni, maybe not this university. I am going to try and get a meeting with my student counselor and look at the course I want to take.
I only have afternoon lectures today, two of them. And the last one ends at six this evening, which means I won’t be home until earliest 7. It’s going to be a long day and I am kind of nervous. This might sound strange, I mean this is my uni, where I already gone for four semesters. But since I went my 5th semester abroad and now I am back here in Sweden, it feels kind of weird. I mean, I am not really the same woman that left Sweden. I feel like I have grown a lot and I know more of what I want in life.
I have always loved my uni, but I loved the Heriot-Watt University as well, and I know I will miss it. But it is really nice to do my last semester here in Sweden. I am looking forward to Autumn and yesterday morning I could almost smell the Autumn in the air. It was cold and crisp. This morning I almost wanted to go inside again because I thought it was so cold, but Zelda was happy just walking and sniffing on everything.
Oracle went with my husband to work earlier this morning and I am dropping Zelda of there on the way to campus. This way I am not alone at home with my nerves, but I do not have to deal with two dogs when I am packing everything up. Plus Oracle gets some extra time alone with my husband, which she really needs.
I can feel my anxiety levels are kind of high right now and it helps me a lot that I have Zelda here at home with me. She is sitting next to me on the sofa right now and the music also helps. I am trying my best to keep myself from spiraling and keep myself grounded. I know I can do this. I also know that I have my husband just a phone call away if I need to talk, which also helps. But now I am going to get ready for my lectures today.
It’s Monday again and this week I really need to get motivated. My term at Uni starts tomorrow. My last term before I get my Bachelors exam. It is kind of scary and I feel a lot of pressure (from myself) to do good this term. I mean, I want to get my Bachelor and find a job.
So this weeks quote is to motivate me, because I am not going to give up.
I hope this motivates you, because it motivates me. I am not somebody who gives up. And I am not going to do so now.
So today I am going to try and energize myself for this weeks lectures and classes, because I know it is going to be a though and full-booked week. Tomorrow I have two lectures both 2 hours long. On Wednesday I am also having two lectures that are 2 hours long. On Thursday I am having one lecture that is 3 hours long. And on Friday I am having a group introduction thing for a big group project, and this one is 2 hours long.
I am so glad that we bought a car last week, so I won’t have to borrow a car from my family or go in with my husband early in the morning and spend my day all day at campus. Now I can just go in to my lectures and things and then go home. This means I won’t have to spend an extra of 5 hours a day at campus.
I have already eaten breakfast, been out with the dogs on a morning walk and taken some photos on them and written a grocery store list, but now I need to do some studying and fix a lot of things for tomorrow.
I wish you all an amazing week and just remember; you are not a quitter and you are strong!
It’s Monday again. I don’t really know where last week went. It feels like it was Monday like two days ago. Maybe that is just me..
This morning I remembered that I will go two courses this term, not just one. This is because I will be writing my Bachelors Paper this term. And this gave me a mini-freak-out. I mean I was going to need to keep my eyes on two schedules and be orginized. For those who know me know I am not really orginized. I just fake beeing orginized. So today I really needed a motivational quote to keep fighting and not be overwhelmed. I found this one:
So that is exactly what I am going to do. I am going to be tougher, because I know I can do this. Even if it sometimes feels hopeless I know I am stronger than I think. And I know you are too. Just do as I and think about everything you have done so far and what you have survived. You have survived all the bad days in your life and it has made you stronger.
Now I am going to make a gameplan for how I will be tougher, because next week uni starts again. And I will be ready for it. I wish you an kick-ass week.
Yesterday I had my Introduction to Law Exam. It was in one of the two new exam halls, that opened this summer at my university. It was really nice and I am actually looking forward to having more exams there. I am not completely sure how the exam went for me, but I did my best. And with two sick dogs for the last week (the dogs are feeling better today) and not that much time to study because of it, I have to be okay with that. If I need to take the exam again I just have to.
My parents took care of the dogs when I took the exam, and my husband drove me. Which was nice. He is really busy right now, with the new house and work. Next week he is going to go away for work, and he will be gone almost the whole week. But it is the kind of project he loves to do, so that is nice.
Today I have a cloudy head. I don’t really know how to explain it any other way. What I mean is that it feels kind of fluffy in there. Like I’m not completely awake. I usually gets like this after an exam. I think it might have something to do with the fact that for 4 hours yesterday my brain had to work really hard and it needs a break for a while now.
So today my head and I have washed clothes (four full machines), done the dishes and vacuumed the house. I also had a kind of happy dance in the living room, because why not. It is important to enjoy life. Sometimes the best is to dance like nobody is watching. And if a neighbor saw, lets say I don’t care. I had a great time.
I have also started reading a new book today. Nora Roberts book The Collector. I have never read it before, but Nora Roberts is one of my favorite writers. The book is real good so far, and I have to admit I have read about halfway through so far. It is hard to put down.
My husband is going to be home late today. He is at my brother and sister-in-law and helping them. I could have gone with, but with the dogs still not all okay and my head cloudy I just don’t really think I am the best company. So instead I will cuddle down in the sofa with the dogs and continue reading.
Do you ever have a week that is like a roller coaster? I have had that kind of week.. Its been so many amazing moments, some kind of life changing, and then some really lows. And I want to share this with you. I think it’s kind of important to talk about my low points, but also the high points in my life.
So if I start with last Saturday. I had an amazing day. Kind of life changing for me, because I did something I have never done before. And to be honest its something kind of crazy. Or I don’t really think it is crazy, but I know that a lot of people around me will find this crazy. I dyed my hair pink. Or I got help from my lovely sister-in-law Felicia. She is really amazing.
So now I have pink hair and I love it. This is something I been wanting to do since I was like 11-12 years old, but I have never in my whole life dyed my hair. This is not an ad, but for you who wonders I used Arctic Fox’s Virgin Pink on my unbleached hair. And the result is what you see down below. So now I have pink hair and I love it. This is something I been wanting to do since I was like 11-12 years old, but I have never in my whole life dyed my hair.
The reason why I chose Arctic Fox is because: Arctic Fox is vibrant, cruelty-free, vegan semi-permanent hair (taken from Arctic Fox Website). (NOT AN AD).
Then on Sunday I had a kind of dip, because I had some minor panic attacks and actually did not feel so secure in our house. I don’t really know what happen except I had some flashbacks, that triggered anxiety in me. But my husband helped me through it.
Monday was an amazing day. We officially got the keys to our new house. I have been keeping quiet about this for a long time, because it been some uncertainties, but now it is ours. So we (read my husband) is going to do some renovating and then we plan on moving in the end of summer, if everything goes according to our plans. I will write more about the house later, because it is really special for me.
Then on Tuesday, my husband helped his brother moving into his farm, and he was gone the entire day and long into the night. I am starting to get used to my husband being back at work, but then he is usually back at home by 6 pm, but he was not back until after midnight and I had a bad day with panic attacks and anxiety so it was kind of a bad day for me. But a really good day for my brother-in-law to finally move in to the farm.
I also got the my grades on Thursday. My grades for my time in Edinburgh. I been waiting on them for some time and I have been kind of nervous about how it has gone. But I am so happy. I got two A:s and two B:s. I ended up crying some and also doing a happy dance.
Then on Wednesday was so and so day. Kind of boring, but kind of okay. My cold came back, so I spent most of my day under a blanket on the sofa with our two dogs reading books and watching JAG.
Thursday my husband started working some on our new house, or more on our new house. And found that the floor in the room that is going to be our bedroom has an old wooden floor under the carpet. It is untreated so we can probably do something fun with it. Hopefully it is like that under the carpet in the room that will be our office as well.
Then yesterday was both really good day and a kind of hard day. I found out that my name change has gone through, so now I have my husbands last name. I know its been almost one year since we got married, but because everything in Edinburgh was in my maiden name, we decided to wait until we moved home again for me to change. But I am so happy to finally have his last name.
And then in the evening I had flashbacks and anxiety. It was not funny at all, and I had moments I was so scared. My dogs helped a lot and when my husband came home it helped as well. But I slept really bad and today I feel like a zombie, and I am wondering if I should get some sleep.
Today my husband is helping my brother-in-law with some moving as well. Hopefully they will get the last things moved today, but I don’t really know. I am currently home alone with the dogs and it feels okay, which means that I am starting to feel better. One thing I can say is that you can’t let your bad days or moments bring you down. Concentrate on the good things in your life.
This is a post I have wanted to write for a while, but have not really had the time to do. It is about my amazing friend Cat. This Thankful Tuesday post is about her.
The first few weeks of living in Edinburgh was kind of hard for me. I was scared. Would I fit in? Would I find some friends? What would people thinking about someone my age studying abroad?
And in one of my classes, in the first week, we had a quiz about how much we knew about Scotland. The class was a class about Scotland and it’s history, so it was appropriate. Anyway we needed to be divided into teams and I did not know anyone in the class, but I ended up in the same team as Cat and two other people. I am bad, but I really don’t remember there names.. All I can say is I am so happy that I got to be in a team with her, because it was the start of our friendship. Ever after that day, Cat and I sat together in our class and she encouraged me and helped me with finding my place in Scotland then she could ever understand.
Fast forward to the week we was leaving Edinburgh, we had decided to meet up and say good bye and she gave us a present. Typical Scottish things and toys for our dogs. I was speechless. I had not expected anything like that. She is just so thoughtful. And after spending a few hours together and after we got to meet both her wonderful dog Jet and her fiance Cameron we had to say goodbye. It was really hard, she has definitely made my stay abroad so much better.
Cat is an amazing person and we have so much in common. And she always make me laugh. I am so thankful to be able to call her my friend. And I really hope she and I can keep in touch and continue being friends even though we live so far from each other.
It’s Tuesday and I thought I would bring back Thankful Tuesday. This time as a Edinburgh Edition. I have so much to be grateful for during my time here in Edinburgh. It is hard to mention everything that I am thankful for, so I will mention a few things.
My wonderful friend Cat, that I got to know. We had on lecture together every week and I feel like I known her for far longer then just since January. She is a amazing person and she has helped me so much. And I am so happy to get to see her today, one last time before we move back to Sweden.
My husband because, as always, he has been my biggest supporter and always helped me through with my panic and anxiety. He has pushed me into doing much more then I would have done alone.
My wonderful professors that I have had during my time here. They have all been so understanding with my mental health problems and never made me feel like I didn’t belong. I am so grateful for that.
The Park near where we live, where I been able to see dogs playing every day. It has made me miss my dogs a bit less. And happy dogs always makes me smile.
The city of Edinburgh, so beautiful and so interesting. There is always something to look at or something new to learn.
I could list a thousand more things I am grateful for, but not this time. Now I need to start packing. We are leaving Edinburgh on Thursday.