Today my last semester at this University starts, or at least the last planed semester. I am thinking about taking one more semester at uni, maybe not this university. I am going to try and get a meeting with my student counselor and look at the course I want to take.
I only have afternoon lectures today, two of them. And the last one ends at six this evening, which means I won’t be home until earliest 7. It’s going to be a long day and I am kind of nervous. This might sound strange, I mean this is my uni, where I already gone for four semesters. But since I went my 5th semester abroad and now I am back here in Sweden, it feels kind of weird. I mean, I am not really the same woman that left Sweden. I feel like I have grown a lot and I know more of what I want in life.
I have always loved my uni, but I loved the Heriot-Watt University as well, and I know I will miss it. But it is really nice to do my last semester here in Sweden. I am looking forward to Autumn and yesterday morning I could almost smell the Autumn in the air. It was cold and crisp. This morning I almost wanted to go inside again because I thought it was so cold, but Zelda was happy just walking and sniffing on everything.
Oracle went with my husband to work earlier this morning and I am dropping Zelda of there on the way to campus. This way I am not alone at home with my nerves, but I do not have to deal with two dogs when I am packing everything up. Plus Oracle gets some extra time alone with my husband, which she really needs.
I can feel my anxiety levels are kind of high right now and it helps me a lot that I have Zelda here at home with me. She is sitting next to me on the sofa right now and the music also helps. I am trying my best to keep myself from spiraling and keep myself grounded. I know I can do this. I also know that I have my husband just a phone call away if I need to talk, which also helps. But now I am going to get ready for my lectures today.
Do you ever have a week that is like a roller coaster? I have had that kind of week.. Its been so many amazing moments, some kind of life changing, and then some really lows. And I want to share this with you. I think it’s kind of important to talk about my low points, but also the high points in my life.
So if I start with last Saturday. I had an amazing day. Kind of life changing for me, because I did something I have never done before. And to be honest its something kind of crazy. Or I don’t really think it is crazy, but I know that a lot of people around me will find this crazy. I dyed my hair pink. Or I got help from my lovely sister-in-law Felicia. She is really amazing.
So now I have pink hair and I love it. This is something I been wanting to do since I was like 11-12 years old, but I have never in my whole life dyed my hair. This is not an ad, but for you who wonders I used Arctic Fox’s Virgin Pink on my unbleached hair. And the result is what you see down below. So now I have pink hair and I love it. This is something I been wanting to do since I was like 11-12 years old, but I have never in my whole life dyed my hair.
The reason why I chose Arctic Fox is because: Arctic Fox is vibrant, cruelty-free, vegan semi-permanent hair (taken from Arctic Fox Website). (NOT AN AD).
Then on Sunday I had a kind of dip, because I had some minor panic attacks and actually did not feel so secure in our house. I don’t really know what happen except I had some flashbacks, that triggered anxiety in me. But my husband helped me through it.
Monday was an amazing day. We officially got the keys to our new house. I have been keeping quiet about this for a long time, because it been some uncertainties, but now it is ours. So we (read my husband) is going to do some renovating and then we plan on moving in the end of summer, if everything goes according to our plans. I will write more about the house later, because it is really special for me.
Then on Tuesday, my husband helped his brother moving into his farm, and he was gone the entire day and long into the night. I am starting to get used to my husband being back at work, but then he is usually back at home by 6 pm, but he was not back until after midnight and I had a bad day with panic attacks and anxiety so it was kind of a bad day for me. But a really good day for my brother-in-law to finally move in to the farm.
I also got the my grades on Thursday. My grades for my time in Edinburgh. I been waiting on them for some time and I have been kind of nervous about how it has gone. But I am so happy. I got two A:s and two B:s. I ended up crying some and also doing a happy dance.
Then on Wednesday was so and so day. Kind of boring, but kind of okay. My cold came back, so I spent most of my day under a blanket on the sofa with our two dogs reading books and watching JAG.
Thursday my husband started working some on our new house, or more on our new house. And found that the floor in the room that is going to be our bedroom has an old wooden floor under the carpet. It is untreated so we can probably do something fun with it. Hopefully it is like that under the carpet in the room that will be our office as well.
Then yesterday was both really good day and a kind of hard day. I found out that my name change has gone through, so now I have my husbands last name. I know its been almost one year since we got married, but because everything in Edinburgh was in my maiden name, we decided to wait until we moved home again for me to change. But I am so happy to finally have his last name.
And then in the evening I had flashbacks and anxiety. It was not funny at all, and I had moments I was so scared. My dogs helped a lot and when my husband came home it helped as well. But I slept really bad and today I feel like a zombie, and I am wondering if I should get some sleep.
Today my husband is helping my brother-in-law with some moving as well. Hopefully they will get the last things moved today, but I don’t really know. I am currently home alone with the dogs and it feels okay, which means that I am starting to feel better. One thing I can say is that you can’t let your bad days or moments bring you down. Concentrate on the good things in your life.
This is a post I have wanted to write for a while, but have not really had the time to do. It is about my amazing friend Cat. This Thankful Tuesday post is about her.
The first few weeks of living in Edinburgh was kind of hard for me. I was scared. Would I fit in? Would I find some friends? What would people thinking about someone my age studying abroad?
And in one of my classes, in the first week, we had a quiz about how much we knew about Scotland. The class was a class about Scotland and it’s history, so it was appropriate. Anyway we needed to be divided into teams and I did not know anyone in the class, but I ended up in the same team as Cat and two other people. I am bad, but I really don’t remember there names.. All I can say is I am so happy that I got to be in a team with her, because it was the start of our friendship. Ever after that day, Cat and I sat together in our class and she encouraged me and helped me with finding my place in Scotland then she could ever understand.
Fast forward to the week we was leaving Edinburgh, we had decided to meet up and say good bye and she gave us a present. Typical Scottish things and toys for our dogs. I was speechless. I had not expected anything like that. She is just so thoughtful. And after spending a few hours together and after we got to meet both her wonderful dog Jet and her fiance Cameron we had to say goodbye. It was really hard, she has definitely made my stay abroad so much better.
Cat is an amazing person and we have so much in common. And she always make me laugh. I am so thankful to be able to call her my friend. And I really hope she and I can keep in touch and continue being friends even though we live so far from each other.
I can hardly believe that today we been home for two whole weeks. And these two weeks have been a roller-coaster, and if I am being honest, the time before we moved home again was also a roller-coaster.. Maybe if I should be completly honest with myself and with you, I would have to say that the last year has been a roller-coaster. And I guess that is kind of what life is. I mean, it goes up and it goes down. Life is about the ride and trying to enjoy it.
This is why I thought that this quote is good for this weeks Motivational Monday:
Sometimes you just need to see where the road takes you. I mean it could be a really good place.
Now I just want to wish you all an amazing Monday and week. I have a lot to do this week at home. And in a while I will have some exciting news to share with you.
We came home to Sweden on Monday. I can’t explain the feeling in my body when we drove over the bridge from Denmark to Sweden. It was so surreal. And then when we drove into our little town and knowing that would soon see my dogs for the first time in 5 months. I started crying of happiness.
Being home these last two days with the dogs have been amazing, even if we came home to Oracle being sick. She has probably eaten something bad outside that have made her sick.
I have spent the days with the dogs and unpacking everything… And I still have a lot to unpack. Also a whole lot of washing to do. But that’s fine. I don’t mind it. I have the best company in the dogs.
Yesterday, my parents came over to take a couple of thing they had forgotten when they moved out on Monday. And my sister-in-law and nephew came over for a visit. It was so nice. I have missed them all so much.
I will try and update more about Scotland and our trip home in a couple of days. Right now I am going to spend some time with the dogs. Have an amazing Wednesday.
It’s Tuesday and I thought I would bring back Thankful Tuesday. This time as a Edinburgh Edition. I have so much to be grateful for during my time here in Edinburgh. It is hard to mention everything that I am thankful for, so I will mention a few things.
My wonderful friend Cat, that I got to know. We had on lecture together every week and I feel like I known her for far longer then just since January. She is a amazing person and she has helped me so much. And I am so happy to get to see her today, one last time before we move back to Sweden.
My husband because, as always, he has been my biggest supporter and always helped me through with my panic and anxiety. He has pushed me into doing much more then I would have done alone.
My wonderful professors that I have had during my time here. They have all been so understanding with my mental health problems and never made me feel like I didn’t belong. I am so grateful for that.
The Park near where we live, where I been able to see dogs playing every day. It has made me miss my dogs a bit less. And happy dogs always makes me smile.
The city of Edinburgh, so beautiful and so interesting. There is always something to look at or something new to learn.
I could list a thousand more things I am grateful for, but not this time. Now I need to start packing. We are leaving Edinburgh on Thursday.
It’s Monday and I a bit stressed over all the packing my husband and I need to do before we start our journey back to Sweden in a couple of days. I am looking forward to moving back home to Sweden, but I will miss Edinburgh and Scotland very much. We are definitely going to come back here.
I need to stop stressing and I found this quote when I was searching google and I thought it was really nice and suitable for me right now (it’s not really that motivating):
I like this quote so much. It speaks to me and I feel like if I try and relax and enjoy my last couple of days here in Edinburgh it might help me. I know I will finish packing in time. We are two people that can do it together. It’s not like we live in a big mansion, but a small apartment. Yes, I have bought a lot of stuff, but we are taking a car home, we got the room.
So today, I hope we can take the bus into the city, for the last time, and kind of say good bye for now. It’s kind of bitter sweet, but I miss my dogs and my family. And we will be back.
I wish you all an amazing Monday! And take time to slow down and smell the flowers!
P.S. I will write one or more posts about our trip in the Highlands, but it will probably be when we get home to Sweden.