Yesterday did not go as planed at all. My parents where suppose to have the dogs until tonight, but my mum was not feeling well. So we had the dogs home over the evening and the night. Today my parents have the dogs over the day and then after Uni today I am getting them back. My parents are helping us with the dogs a lot and I am so grateful for it. But my mind was so set on a evening alone, without no dogs and no husband. Now I got a evening with the dogs. And a very grumpy Oracle. She was so mad at me yesterday.
It all began when my mum was cutting Oracles claws and she accidentally cut too much, so there was a lot of blood. Blood on the floor, on the dog and well it felt like everywhere. I know I am exaggerating, but I have a problem with blood, I get lightheaded and I have passed out. This might sound strange, but if it is a stranger that’s bleeding I can handle it, but if it is someone I care about, I can’t. At least not if I am not alone with the one that bleeds. I know this is so weird, but it’s just how it is. I think it might have something to do with my anxiety. Like it triggers something in me. Maybe some kind of fears to lose someone I care about.
Any how, after that the bleeding would not stop, not for long at least because Oracle wanted to lick her paws clean. So it started bleeding again. So we had to put a bandage on Oracles paw and then a kind of protective sock. She hates this. It makes her grumpy and she was showing me her feelings about it the whole evening. It is hard to tell a dog that it is for her best, even though I feel like she understands most things that I tell her, I know we have different opinions about this. I hope she will be less grumpy this evening. I just want to cuddle down under a blanket on the sofa and maybe get some writing done. And I hope that the dogs want to cuddle down with me. But we will just have to see.
Today my friends and I are hoping to get our project finished so we can have a day at home on Monday to study for our exam. So please keep your fingers crossed for us. Now I really need to get to it. I will try and take time to write here soon again.
Good morning! Today I have one of those days where it feels like I have a million things to do and so little time. This week at Uni will be packed and I have a lot of other things to do as well.
Today’s motivational quotes is from one of my favorite actors and role-models. He is an inspiration and I try to live by this quote even though my anxiety makes that hard, most days.
Some days are harder then others not to worry. And I know it can be a struggle living with mental health problems. I am not saying that this is easy for me. I want to be as open as I can here, but sometimes I feel like I need to think more about the positive sides of my life and not just focus on my mental health problems. I fight my anxiety and panic attacks almost daily. And my depression always comes along on the most difficult days. Some days I feel like I am Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh. The daily struggle is increased when I have stress in my life, and right now I got a lot of stress in my life. But I try to deal with it the best I can. It is a work in progress, but I know that if I can do this, so can you!
So now I am going to take a deep breath and try my hardest not to worry. Then I am going to get all the things I need today ready. Pack it and the dogs in the car. Drive to my parents and drop the dogs of there. Then its of to Uni for the day.
I wish you all an amazing week and try not to worry. I know its hard, but I belive in you!
Today my last semester at this University starts, or at least the last planed semester. I am thinking about taking one more semester at uni, maybe not this university. I am going to try and get a meeting with my student counselor and look at the course I want to take.
I only have afternoon lectures today, two of them. And the last one ends at six this evening, which means I won’t be home until earliest 7. It’s going to be a long day and I am kind of nervous. This might sound strange, I mean this is my uni, where I already gone for four semesters. But since I went my 5th semester abroad and now I am back here in Sweden, it feels kind of weird. I mean, I am not really the same woman that left Sweden. I feel like I have grown a lot and I know more of what I want in life.
I have always loved my uni, but I loved the Heriot-Watt University as well, and I know I will miss it. But it is really nice to do my last semester here in Sweden. I am looking forward to Autumn and yesterday morning I could almost smell the Autumn in the air. It was cold and crisp. This morning I almost wanted to go inside again because I thought it was so cold, but Zelda was happy just walking and sniffing on everything.
Oracle went with my husband to work earlier this morning and I am dropping Zelda of there on the way to campus. This way I am not alone at home with my nerves, but I do not have to deal with two dogs when I am packing everything up. Plus Oracle gets some extra time alone with my husband, which she really needs.
I can feel my anxiety levels are kind of high right now and it helps me a lot that I have Zelda here at home with me. She is sitting next to me on the sofa right now and the music also helps. I am trying my best to keep myself from spiraling and keep myself grounded. I know I can do this. I also know that I have my husband just a phone call away if I need to talk, which also helps. But now I am going to get ready for my lectures today.
Hey again.. It’s been awhile since I wrote here. And to be honest, I been going through a kind of rough patch. I been feeling and are feeling closed in and trapped in my house. It’s to many people around. Nosy neighbors. It just feels like there is eyes on me every time I leave the house with the dogs. Might sound a bit paranoid, but we have two nosy neighbors. I see them standing in there windows looking and it just does not feel great going out. So I am really looking forward to moving.
My husband is working hard on the renovating and it’s kind of hard for me. Because I feel useless. I feel like I am in the way. My asthma prevents me for helping and I spend my time with the dogs at home. And it sucks. I want to help and I want to do something to help.
Also I am studying for an exam that I have in about a weeks time. The exam I missed, because the term in Edinburgh started before my term here in Sweden had stooped. It’s a law course and it is boring and kind of hard. There are a lot of laws and to learn how to use them correctly and so is hard. I am doing my best, and I hope I get a passable grade.
Now this might be a really boring post for you. But this is my truth. This is whats been going on. I am fight-hing with my mental health almost daily and right now I am in a rough patch. It is going to pass, because I am stronger. Because I am a fighter, but life can’t be easy all the time. And I have to tell you. After a rough patch you always appreciate the good times so much more.
As of last week my oldest dog, Oracle turns 6,5 years old. In many ways she is the reason that I am currently having the life I have. She is the reason I can function almost like a “normal person”. She has helped me with so many of my issues and even though I am still fighting my mental health every day, I now have something I did not have before I got Oracle. I have the courage to do something, even when its hard.
It was my therapist that said I should get a dog and to be honest it was the best advice I ever got from that therapist. I have always dreamt of a dog. Always wanted one, but I grew up being allergic and had asthma, and I still am. But I took an allergy test, because allergies change over time and it had. I was no longer allergic to dogs. I made my boyfriend take a allergy test as well, because what was the point on getting a dog if he was allergic. He is the love of my life and I did not want to make him sick, because of my dreams and hopes. But he was not allergic.
Then came the months and months I researcher dog breads to find a dog that could help me. That could be trained to be my therapy dog. I know you can by a therapy dog, but they are expensive and we did not have that kind of money. No, I needed to fin a dog bred that I could train. I researcher therapy dogs and started to think of what I needed the dog to do. In the end I had some criteria: – It had to be a dog that liked to work – A happy dog bred – A dog that could be okay with a few days of shorter walks and then walk a few miles another day – A dog that could be in my lap.
The fact that I needed to have a dog that could be in my lap narrowed down the breeds. I had always wanted a lab or a German Shepard. But these breeds where not the right one. In the end we visited different kennels and found out that the dog for me was a Corgi. In particular a Welsh Corgi Cardigan.
And after almost 1,5 years since I started Oracle was born and my boyfriend (now husband) bought her for me. We visited the kennel three times before we brought her home with us.
Even though I did my research and know all things I thought I needed to know to have a dog, nothing could ever prepare me for the love I feel for Oracle or the bond between us. Or how she would bring so much joy and chaos to my life.
And nothing could ever prepare me for the love she has for my husband (her dad). She is the best dog I ever known and there are a lot of people who thinks she is more human than a dog. She always senses when someone is not doing alright. Then she will do everything in her power to make them feel better. I have seen it with me, my father (he has heart problems) and with a few friends that been having a rough time. She has a heart of gold and I can honestly say I don’t know where I would have been without her in my life. Probably not sitting her, planing for the last term before I take my Batchelers Degree and so happy with my life I sometimes think I will burst.
I wish you all an amazing Tuesday. I am going to spend this day at home with the dogs, studying and packing. And being grateful to having my dogs as part of my family.
Do you ever have a week that is like a roller coaster? I have had that kind of week.. Its been so many amazing moments, some kind of life changing, and then some really lows. And I want to share this with you. I think it’s kind of important to talk about my low points, but also the high points in my life.
So if I start with last Saturday. I had an amazing day. Kind of life changing for me, because I did something I have never done before. And to be honest its something kind of crazy. Or I don’t really think it is crazy, but I know that a lot of people around me will find this crazy. I dyed my hair pink. Or I got help from my lovely sister-in-law Felicia. She is really amazing.
So now I have pink hair and I love it. This is something I been wanting to do since I was like 11-12 years old, but I have never in my whole life dyed my hair. This is not an ad, but for you who wonders I used Arctic Fox’s Virgin Pink on my unbleached hair. And the result is what you see down below. So now I have pink hair and I love it. This is something I been wanting to do since I was like 11-12 years old, but I have never in my whole life dyed my hair.
The reason why I chose Arctic Fox is because: Arctic Fox is vibrant, cruelty-free, vegan semi-permanent hair (taken from Arctic Fox Website). (NOT AN AD).
Then on Sunday I had a kind of dip, because I had some minor panic attacks and actually did not feel so secure in our house. I don’t really know what happen except I had some flashbacks, that triggered anxiety in me. But my husband helped me through it.
Monday was an amazing day. We officially got the keys to our new house. I have been keeping quiet about this for a long time, because it been some uncertainties, but now it is ours. So we (read my husband) is going to do some renovating and then we plan on moving in the end of summer, if everything goes according to our plans. I will write more about the house later, because it is really special for me.
Then on Tuesday, my husband helped his brother moving into his farm, and he was gone the entire day and long into the night. I am starting to get used to my husband being back at work, but then he is usually back at home by 6 pm, but he was not back until after midnight and I had a bad day with panic attacks and anxiety so it was kind of a bad day for me. But a really good day for my brother-in-law to finally move in to the farm.
I also got the my grades on Thursday. My grades for my time in Edinburgh. I been waiting on them for some time and I have been kind of nervous about how it has gone. But I am so happy. I got two A:s and two B:s. I ended up crying some and also doing a happy dance.
Then on Wednesday was so and so day. Kind of boring, but kind of okay. My cold came back, so I spent most of my day under a blanket on the sofa with our two dogs reading books and watching JAG.
Thursday my husband started working some on our new house, or more on our new house. And found that the floor in the room that is going to be our bedroom has an old wooden floor under the carpet. It is untreated so we can probably do something fun with it. Hopefully it is like that under the carpet in the room that will be our office as well.
Then yesterday was both really good day and a kind of hard day. I found out that my name change has gone through, so now I have my husbands last name. I know its been almost one year since we got married, but because everything in Edinburgh was in my maiden name, we decided to wait until we moved home again for me to change. But I am so happy to finally have his last name.
And then in the evening I had flashbacks and anxiety. It was not funny at all, and I had moments I was so scared. My dogs helped a lot and when my husband came home it helped as well. But I slept really bad and today I feel like a zombie, and I am wondering if I should get some sleep.
Today my husband is helping my brother-in-law with some moving as well. Hopefully they will get the last things moved today, but I don’t really know. I am currently home alone with the dogs and it feels okay, which means that I am starting to feel better. One thing I can say is that you can’t let your bad days or moments bring you down. Concentrate on the good things in your life.
This is a post I have wanted to write for a while, but have not really had the time to do. It is about my amazing friend Cat. This Thankful Tuesday post is about her.
The first few weeks of living in Edinburgh was kind of hard for me. I was scared. Would I fit in? Would I find some friends? What would people thinking about someone my age studying abroad?
And in one of my classes, in the first week, we had a quiz about how much we knew about Scotland. The class was a class about Scotland and it’s history, so it was appropriate. Anyway we needed to be divided into teams and I did not know anyone in the class, but I ended up in the same team as Cat and two other people. I am bad, but I really don’t remember there names.. All I can say is I am so happy that I got to be in a team with her, because it was the start of our friendship. Ever after that day, Cat and I sat together in our class and she encouraged me and helped me with finding my place in Scotland then she could ever understand.
Fast forward to the week we was leaving Edinburgh, we had decided to meet up and say good bye and she gave us a present. Typical Scottish things and toys for our dogs. I was speechless. I had not expected anything like that. She is just so thoughtful. And after spending a few hours together and after we got to meet both her wonderful dog Jet and her fiance Cameron we had to say goodbye. It was really hard, she has definitely made my stay abroad so much better.
Cat is an amazing person and we have so much in common. And she always make me laugh. I am so thankful to be able to call her my friend. And I really hope she and I can keep in touch and continue being friends even though we live so far from each other.