Getting there..

Yesterday I sent in the essay that was due, like 30 minutes before deadline. And I wrote on it until I sent it in. It was not my finest work, but it will have to due. I am trying to be more nice to myself. I am already feeling down and uni is not the most important thing in my life right now. Yes, I want to do well in school, but getting out of my depression and feeling like myself again is more important. So that is what I am working on.

My husband is the greatest support I can have right now. He really helps me get through the day. Without him I don’t really know I would be able to get out of bed in the morning. He listens to what I need from him and he gives it to me. Does not matter if I want him to push me to actually do things or if its just to hold my hand when things are extra hard.

I don’t know if I have written about it before but since December I been doing some cognitive behavioral therapy for my fear of dentists. It has been hard work, but I have gone through the whole treatment now. So now I have started treatment for fixing my teeth by a special dentist. I have a illness that has left me with damage on my teeth and this specialist is helping me fix it. It is going to be a treatment that will be ongoing for about a year and even though I am not as scared of the dentist anymore, it is sill scary. But I am doing it, because it is important.

Today I am working on a power point presentation for my essay that I have to present tomorrow after lunch. I am kind of nervous, but I will do my best.

I am slowly starting to feel better. My depression is ever present as well as my anxiety, but I feel like I can bet this. I have done it before and I know that it takes hard work and a lot of self love, but I am stronger than this shit and I know I will be even stronger for getting through this.

I wish you all an fantastic week and remember keep fighting! It is worth it.

Love, Nea

Yesterday

The talk with my husband went amazing. He was as supporting and loving I knew he would be. And he asked me what I needed from him. I was honest and probably a bit clingy, but he was there for me like he always is. I still fell kind of bad over me being depressed, but he made me think about it differently. I can’t really help what is happening in my body, but I can fight it. And best part is, he made me laugh. He made me forget all the shit in my head for a while. And last night I actually slept well. Better than I have in a long while.

My husband and I talked about things that I can do for me. And things to make me less stressed. What he can do. It was nice. And I feel safe telling him about my feelings. He really listens. After I had told him all of what is going on inside my head, he looked at me and said: “I love you. We will get through this together.”

What more can I ask for? Nothing. He makes me laugh, he makes me happy. Even when I am feeling the worst, he is here for me.

I did not want to wake up this morning, but I did. I got up. I ate breakfast and now I am listening to music to get me through the morning and quieting my thought. I have about 7 academic articles I need to read today for Uni this week and what feels like a 1000 more things to do. But I am trying not to let the stress and anxiety swallow me whole. I am going to do one thing at a time and that will just have to do. I know I have my husbands support in it all.

I will try and keep writing here. Updating you on what is happening and how I am fighting my depression.

I wish you all an fantastic Sunday.

Love, Nea

Locked out, Sunday and Cold

As some of you might know from other posts. I am really clumsy. I walk into furniture, I fall down a lot and most things I do can go wrong. Well let me tell you about yesterday.

So I was having a nice quiet morning in the sofa, listening to music in my headphones not to wake up my husband. I had eaten breakfast and was trying to just relax. When one of my dogs, Oracle started getting stressed and walking and whining. I knew this meant she needed to go out, so I quietly put on more cloths because it was like -4 Celsius outside. And went out with Oracle. So far so good. But when we where back after our walk I drooped my keys down between our stairs and the locked door. Not good. I could not reach it even how much I tired and I could not move the stairs. Not good at all. I tried to keep Oracle quiet while I tried to get a hold of my husband. I tried calling both his work mobile and his private mobile. I tried messenger. I was also knocking like crazy on the door. Both me and Oracle was getting frustrated and cold.

After a while I messaged my brother, because he lives in the same town as us and has a key, but they where not at home. I felt kind of defeated, but then my husband woke up and let us in. Now I can laugh at my clumsiness, but right then I was so mad at myself.

So what can I say. The clumsiness continues. But that is just me. I am stating to get used to it now. And my husband too.

I hope you have an amazing evening.

Love, Nea

Missing my family..

Today is a though day. I am missing my family like crazy.

I want to snuggle with my dogs and go on a long walk with them. Hear Zelda snore when she sleeps and have Oracle snuggle up in my arms. Tell them I love them and give them kisses.

I want to talk to my nephew and see him smile because we are playing with his cars. Hug him and tell him I love him. He is my little ray of sunshine.

I want to talk about photography and books with my dad and give him a hug. Tell him that I love him and how thankful I am to have him as my father.

I want to talk about the garden with my mom and hug her. Tell her I love her and how much I appreciate all the things she does for me.

My nephew and Sister-in-law.

I want to talk to my brother about his job and his son. and hug him and tell him he is the best big brother a girl can have. And that I love him.

I want to talk about baking gluten-free baking with my mother-in-law. And how grateful I am to her for raising as an amazing man as my husband. To tell her I love her and give her a hug.

I want to talk about everything with my sister-in-law. About my nephew, her new work and the plans for the house. Talk about traveling. Tell her how happy I am to have her in my life. That she and my nephew are the best things that has happen in my brothers life. And that I love her for it.

I just really miss them all. And after one week of stress to finish two essays I feel so tired and I miss them more. I know that I am almost halfway to getting home again and seeing them all. And I know that the following weeks will be packed with things to do.

I have two essays left to write. And to exams in May. And it is about two weeks until I have Spring-Break for three weeks, when I will be studying my ass of to pass my exams and finish the last essay.

My husband!

My husband is understanding and supportive and without him I would not be able to do this. He helps me through the hard days and always listens to me. I love him and I am grateful that such an amazing man loves me.

Sorry for my rant. I just needed to get this out. I wish you all an amazing Thursday!

Love, Nea

21st December ~ Christmas Song of the Day

Right now I am waiting for my husband to get home. It’s his last day at work before we move to Edinburgh, and I just want him home with me. He usually works the days between Christmas and New Year, but not this year. He has taken the time off to spend it with me and the dogs. And to help keep me calm and so we can pack what we need for our move. 

So I think today’s song is appropriate. It’s Christmas (Baby, please come home). Because I want him to come home to me. 

These are my two favourite versions so far of the song. I will now listen to these and hope my husband gets home soon. 

Have a magical Friday afternoon and evening. 

Love, Nea

Last day at Campus

Yesterday I had my last day at campus, here in Sweden before I go to Edinburgh. It has been a hard week so far. And I am so thankful for my friends at campus for helping me through this tough week. I think that it’s more real now that we are moving. Moving away from my dogs, my family and my friends. It has always been like months away, and now its just a couple of weeks. I am looking forward to studying abroad, but I know I will miss everyone at home. 

I have always dreamed about studying in another country. But with my depression, anxiety and panic attacks I never thought I would be possible. Now, thanks to my wonderful husband’s support and the help from my family I am finally going. 

I know that I am stronger than I think. I know I can do anything I want to do and I also know that my dogs are going to be well taken care of while I am gone. And this is a quote that I try to remember.

Picture taken buy me and the quote is by: H. Jackson Brown Jr.

I missed posting a few of my planned Christmas Countdown post this week, just because I have had these bad days. But I will post them soon. 

Have an fantastic Friday!

Love, Nea

Oh, Deer!

I have had migrens since Tuesday. Thats why I didn´t post a Throwback Thursday post yesterday,  But I am starting to feel better now. 

Teusday was a wierd day. That morning on my way to campus I almost hit a deer (roe deer). One came running out of the woods and ran in front of the car. I hit the brakes and the car skid a bit and I saw how close I was to hitting the deer. And then another deer came running out of the woods and the lorry that came from the other direction almost hit that one. 

I am so glad that I didn’t hit the deer and after I was so shaky. But it was alright and I came to campus in time for my class. 

And then when I got home in the afternoon I got a message that Wednesday’s class was cancelled because the professor is sick. So I didn’t have any more classes on campus for the week. It felt so weird. But when the migraine kick in I was glad to not miss any lectures because of it.

Today I am going to post the last Fangirl Friday post for a while. At least until after Christmas. Tomorrow starts Christmas Countdown, as I have written before. 

Have an amazing day!

Love, Nea

Emergency Room, Sick & Exam results ~ Situation Sunday

It’s Sunday and another week has passed. We are getting closer and closer to Christmas and I wish it would snow outside. But we are stuck with 8 degrees Celsius and cloudy weather. I have just seen the sun for a couple of hours this week.

As you know I been home sick this week. All week, so I have missed the first two lectures of my new course, but I have maxing friends that have sent me their notes. And this week last two classes were cancelled because the professor got sick. And that’s fine by me because that means I hopefully am not sick when they are rescheduled. 

If you read my post from Monday night, you know my husband had to go to the Emergency Room, but the doctors think it was just his cold and fever that was the problem. He is still not okay. And I am actually still worried about him. He hates going to the doctor, but I feel like I might have to convince him to go next week if he doesn’t get better. 

Oracle and Zelda on a walk this week

I got some amazing news on Tuesday afternoon, but I will share that with you in another post later on. Right now I just want to keep it secret for a little while longer. But it’s about the same thing that I wrote a post about for a couple of weeks ago. You can read it here.

And as you might have read on Wednesday, my husband and I had been together for 12 years that day. We did not calibrate because we both were sick so we will do that another day.

My husband and I in autumn 2007.

Friday I went to my grandmother’s house to start going through the things that we are dividing between my father, my uncle, my brother and me. My grandmother passed away in August, and my father and uncle have been going through her house for about two months now dividing things between them and now they thought it was my brother and my time to see if we wanted anything after her and my grandfather. It was really hard being there and going through her things. I miss her so much. But I am thankful for all the memories and that I get to keep some things as a memory after her. I am going back today to look at some more things and see my uncle.

And this afternoon my husband and I are eating dinner with my mother, my father, my brother, my sister-in-law and my nephew at my parent’s apartment. 

I also got the news on Friday, that I passed my Statistic Exam. I am so happy. Now I can focus fully on my Law course and place the statistic books in my bookshelf. And hopefully, I will never study Statistics again. 

This weeks posts are:

I hope everyone have an fantastic Sunday.

Love, Nea

Walks ~ Self-Care Saturday

It’s a cloudy Saturday here in Sweden and I am still not over my cold, but it’s time for this week’s Self-Care post. 

There are so many ways to take care of yourself. And I have already cared some with you. One thing I like to do is take walks, short or long. You get out in the fresh air and you can think. Also, you get exercise which is important and good for you.

I usually walk with my dogs. And my husband is with me at least one walk a day. For me is the walking a way to relax. Not see the things that I need to do at home, or with my studying. Just to walk and think about whatever comes to my mind. Yesterday when my husband and I took the last walk of the days with the dogs, I thought about the moon. And that was relaxing for me. 

Oracle and Zelda on a walk.

Walking also gives me perspective over things. For example, when I got stuck on an assignment for school I can take a walk and relax, and I usually get a new idea when I am out in the fresh air. 

Do you take a walk every day? Have an amazing Saturday and if you can try taking a walk today. Alone or in the company with dogs, friends and/or family.

Love, Nea

Love ~ Throwback Thursday

It’s time for Throwback Thursday and because my husband and I had our 12 year anniversary yesterday as a couple I want to share a picture of him and me together in the early days of our relationship. 

My husband and me, Autumn 2007

My husband and I have been through thick and thin, but we are still here and we still love each other.

A lot of people thought we were too young when we got together. And even more so when moved into an apartment after 1,5 years relationship. This was a couple of weeks before I turned 18 and he turned 20, but we didn’t care. And now I am really glad that I didn’t listen to them.

Now I am married to the love of my life and the man that is my best friend.