I am going on a minivaccation with my mum and nephew today. We are going somewhere that holds some of my best childhood summer memorys.. but I am anxious and are having a small panic episode.
I really don’t want to mess up my nephews vaccation with my mental health. I want him to have fun. This does not mean that I am hiding my problems from him. I have decided that I am going to be open and honest with everyone around me. Includimg my nephew.
I want children to know that sometimes you don’t feel all right and that its okay to get help. I want to teach people everything I wanted to hear or needed to hear when my mental health problems started.. when I was 14-15 years old.
This does not mean that I am going to explain my depression and anxiety to him. But I will talk about it if he asks and be as honest as I can without scaring him.
Now I am going to continue packing. Have a lovely day.
I been thinking about what I want to continue writing on this blog and I figured I still want to write about the things I started writing about when I started this blog. So it’s time for a Thankful Tuesday post again.
I am a very lucky woman to have so many amazing people in my life. And today I want to share with you some of the people that have made it possible for me to study abroad.
First up is my parents, not only have they supported this dream and my goal to study abroad. They are one of the reasons that I actually could go. They have taken in my two dogs full time. Taking care of them. Doing everything I would have done if i was home. My mom has actually gone down a bit in time on her work just to be able to take care of the dogs. They are also the ones that looks after our house and makes sure we get our mail. I am so thankful to have them help us in this way. Without their help I would be home studying at my university in Sweden.
But my biggest supporter is my husband. Not only did he drop everything to go with me. He also supports me emotionally and helps me through all the rough patches I have had here in Scotland. He is my rock and I love him. I am so lucky to be able to say that he is my husband. I believe that I am the luckiest woman in the world to share my life with him. He is here with me everyday and pushes me to actually follow my dreams. I am so thankful that he wanted me to follow my dreams and that he is here with my when I fulfill them.
Old picture of husband.
Then I am thankful for my brother, sister-in-law and nephew. I know that they are here for me if I need to talk or get motivation. And I also know that both my brother and sister-in-law helps my parents with the dogs, when it is needed. I know they will help me in any way that I will possible need and I am so thankful to have them in my life. My nephew is the light in my life, he always makes me smile. He has gotten in his head that my dogs, are not mine anymore. No, they are his. So that will be interesting when I get home. I am looking forward to their visit tomorrow and I hope we will have an amazing time together here in Edinburgh. I am thankful that they (and my mother) actually takes the time to come and visit us.
Another person I am thankful for is a friend, Nisse, because he is there as a kind of extra help for my parents when it comes to my dogs. Like for example now that my mother, brother, sister-in-law and nephew are coming for a visit, Nisse will take care of the dogs. For you who doesn’t know, my father has heart problems and can’t take care of the dogs by himself so Nisse is going to take them. He usually helps with the dogs when my husband and I have to much going on with studying and working. He is a rock and an amazing friend. I also know that if I need someone to talk to that he would be there for me in an instant. So I am thankful to have Nisse in my life.
Then I want to talk about Cat. She is a new friend I have gotten to know here in Edinburgh. We took a class together and she is so supportive. And so easy to talk to. She has really made me feel at home here in Edinburgh and at uni. And I am so thankful to have met such an amazing person and that I can call her my friend.
I am also thankful for my mother-in-law. I know that she might have had some doubts about me being able to study abroad, although she never said it out loud. She always supported me and my dreams. And now that I am here doing it, she could not be happier. I know that if she was feeling better she would come for a visit and see this part of our lives, but that is not possible right now. But I know that she are there for me if I need her to be.
There are a lot other persons that I am thankful for as well, but these are the persons that has made this experience happen and I am so grateful for them. I know that in two months time I will be home again. And then a lot of other exiting things are going to happen.
Now I am going to clean the apartment a bit. It’s kind of things everywhere and that just need to be taken care of. I hope you all have an wonderful Tuesday.
Today is a though day. I am missing my family like crazy.
I want to snuggle with my dogs and go on a long walk with them. Hear Zelda snore when she sleeps and have Oracle snuggle up in my arms. Tell them I love them and give them kisses.
I want to talk to my nephew and see him smile because we are playing with his cars. Hug him and tell him I love him. He is my little ray of sunshine.
I want to talk about photography and books with my dad and give him a hug. Tell him that I love him and how thankful I am to have him as my father.
I want to talk about the garden with my mom and hug her. Tell her I love her and how much I appreciate all the things she does for me.
My nephew and Sister-in-law.
I want to talk to my brother about his job and his son. and hug him and tell him he is the best big brother a girl can have. And that I love him.
I want to talk about baking gluten-free baking with my mother-in-law. And how grateful I am to her for raising as an amazing man as my husband. To tell her I love her and give her a hug.
I want to talk about everything with my sister-in-law. About my nephew, her new work and the plans for the house. Talk about traveling. Tell her how happy I am to have her in my life. That she and my nephew are the best things that has happen in my brothers life. And that I love her for it.
I just really miss them all. And after one week of stress to finish two essays I feel so tired and I miss them more. I know that I am almost halfway to getting home again and seeing them all. And I know that the following weeks will be packed with things to do.
I have two essays left to write. And to exams in May. And it is about two weeks until I have Spring-Break for three weeks, when I will be studying my ass of to pass my exams and finish the last essay.
My husband!
My husband is understanding and supportive and without him I would not be able to do this. He helps me through the hard days and always listens to me. I love him and I am grateful that such an amazing man loves me.
Sorry for my rant. I just needed to get this out. I wish you all an amazing Thursday!
Thursday was the Lucia day here in Sweden. And everywhere in Sweden, we had Lucia celebrations. I actually saw one by accident on Thursday. I went to the grocery store with my mother and my nephew. I didn’t understand why the parking lots where so full of cars or why it was so dark in the store. But when we had started shopping. The Lucia for our two towns (the town where my parents live and the town where I live) came into the store with her handmaidens and sang beautiful songs.
Lucia and her Handmaiden at the grocery store.
My Nephew was delighted and watched them with big eyes. I took some photos and videos of this. I am going to miss him very much when I am in Edinburgh.
My Mother and My nephew watching Lucia and her Handmaiden.
Lucia is one of my favourite celebration leading up to Christmas. It’s a day of light and I love so many of the songs that are sung during this day.
If you want to know more about Lucia you can click on this or you can watch the youtube clip down below.
And the clip below is from a Lucia Celebration 2015 in a church in Gothenburg, Sweden.
I hope you found this interesting. Have an amazing day!
It’s Tuesday and time for Thankful Tuesday. Today I wanted to write about how thankful I am for my Mother-in-law. She is an amazing woman who is a great support to me. She always has time to talk if I need it and she gives me great ideas for so many things.
She helps mend my favourite clothes if (when) they break. She bakes me amazing bread so I don’t have to do it myself. She always thinks about all my allergies when she cooks food. So there is always something for me to eat.
She has raised the wonderful man I can proudly call my husband and I know that as a single parent raising three boys it can’t always have been easy. Especially when she herself hasn’t always been healthy.
I am lucky to have her as my mother-in-law. She cares about me and I know that some of my friends have a hard time with their mothers-in-law, but not me.
I still remember the first day I met her: It was in December 2006. My husband and I had been together for a couple of weeks and she invited me home to her to meet her. I was so nervous in the car on the way there. My husband just walked into the house when we got there and I was standing in the hall taking off my jacket and shoes and I heard her asking him if he came alone. My husband came out into the hall and dragged me into the kitchen. She was really nice and she had cooked a meal that I could eat. And I have gotten to know her over these last 12 years and I am so thankful to have her in my life.
So to wrap it all up. I am thankful to have my mother-in-law in my life.
It’s time for Thankful Tuesday again and today I want to share my love and how thankful I am to have my little nephew (my brothers son) in my life.
He is a constant ray of sunshine and even on my hardest days he always makes me smile. He is turning 2 years old in February and I still remember the first time I saw him. He was so tiny. He was born 6 weeks to early and gave us all a scare, but he is a healthy and happy baby. With so much love to give.
I spent some time with him on Sunday when my husband and I were to my parents for dinner. He had a cold, but still smiled and talked on. He has started talking more and more, and I think he will soon say whole sentences. Now it’s more: Bil (Car in Swedish), Mamma (mother in Swedish), Pappa (father in Swedish), där (there in Swedish) and some other words.
My nephew and sister-in-law for a walk in the woods.
He loves my dogs. Often pointing at them saying: Där! And he loves petting them and sometimes he tries giving them his toys in the hopes that they will play with them. But Oracle and Zelda don’t find cars that interesting to play with.
And you should here his laugh. I am seriously thinking about recording it to use as my ringtone or notification sound on my phone.
As you probably can tell. I love my nephew very much.
Its time for my Thankful Tuesday post and today it will be about my mother.
My mother and I have had our ups and downs in our relationship, but she’s my mother and I love her. I know that I can call her if I have any troubles or just need someone to talk to. She is wonderful with my dogs and treats them as her grandchildren.
Sometimes I think she wants me to take it a little more easy with all the challenges I take. Like starting university. I think she might think it was too early in my development after my mental health problems. But she is still there pushing me.
We go shopping together. The last time was last Friday. And we have a nice time. I get to borrow her and dads car to get to campus. And if I feel like its a bad day, we talk on the phone while I drive to campus in the morning. They have Bluetooth in their car so my phone is connected to that. So no I am not breaking the law when I talk to her.
My mother is always going to be my mother. And I am thankful for that. And I love her.
So I decided to try a new kind of Situation Sunday because I feel like my old ones weren’t really what I wanted to share with you. I will probably write some news from around the world on Situation Sunday, but it will mostly be about my week and my thoughts in the future. If you don’t have any requests.
This week have been eventful. And I will share bits of it with you.
On Monday I had my Statistics Exam from 8 in the morning to 1 in the afternoon. I feel like I have a very slim chance of getting a passing grade on that exam, so I will probably have to take it again in December. And for that, I am really sad, but I did my best and my head wasn’t really in the game so to say.
On Monday afternoon my husband underwent surgery. It’s a surgery we have waited for a couple of months and it was nice that it was finally happening. But the surgery was postponed from 1 o’clock in the afternoon to 2 in the afternoon. When I talked to him after my test he said that they also had some delays. I went to his work to eat some lunch and wait for the operation to finish because I was driving him home. His operation started at 3 o’clock in the end. But now its done. And it went well and he is now recovering.
It’s been snowing some here at the beginning of the week and in Sweden, you need to have winter tires on your car between 1 of December to the 31 of Mars. But you need to have winter tires on before that if there are ice and snow on the roads before that. And my husband’s car is a company car that didn’t have winter tires so on Monday I had my parents car and also on Tuesday. On Wednesday my husband got new winter tires on his car but now it’s not cold out anymore. I am hoping for the cold to get back soon. I want to have winter in November and December.
My husband needs to take it easy after his surgery and should not lift things or take it easy. So this week I have tried to make life as easy for him as possible and made sure that he doesn’t lift things. And that has been hard to do because he does not like sitting still. He likes being active.
Last Sunday we place a bid on a kitchen table and 6 chairs from an auction that my mother-in-law’s boyfriend runs. We only saw pictures of it but it looked really nice and my mother-in-law went to the action and saw it so we trusted her judgment. And I am so glad that we did. Because we won so now we have a new kitchen table and chairs. The set is so much better than any set we have watched on furniture stores. Flash forward to this Wednesday when we got the delivery of the furniture. My brother came to help us with the lifting, but we couldn’t get somebody else, so my husband decides that he will carry the table with my brother, even tho he should not do that. At the end after a lot of bickering between my husband and me, and then between my husband and my mother-in-law, she came and helped my brother and me in with the table and chairs. And I am so grateful for her and my brothers help.
Our new table and 4 of the 6 chairs.
And yesterday I spent the whole day in bed because I was not feeling well. And I am really sad because we were going to meet my mother-in-law’s boyfriends daughter and her family. Something I had been looking forward to, but I will just have to meet them another day.
Now that some parts from my eventful week. I didn’t write anything about my mental health struggles this week, that is not because I didn’t have any but because I feel like I don’t need to share it with you today. I more or less always fighting with my anxiety and my panic attacks, but I don’t want it to be my entire life. I will write about it in other posts in the future just not today. Today is a good day.
I hope you don’t mind me changing Situation Sunday. And that you have an amazing week to come!
The Not So Secret Diary of Nea 