Tomorrow is the day that School starts here in Edinburgh for me. It’s scarry and I have wanted to go home since Thursday when we arrived. It feels like something is missing. Like something is wrong… I can’t excplain it better.
I told my husband this and we had a long chat. He was very understanding and supportive. For this I am so greatful. We talked about how I miss the dogs. What makes my anxiety are through the roof. And all my fears right now. And you know what. It feels better now. It doesen’t feel completly fine. But maybe I will get there?!
We took the decision that we are going to give it 2 weeks and then se how I feel. How my mental health is and what I feel like doing. I am not a quiter but these few days I have wanted to go home and be with my dogs. And having my family just a short drive away. Not several hours away with an ocean between.
I am sharing this with you becase I want to be honest. Life isn’t always easy and sometimes it’s a real pain in my ass. Days like this I hate my anxiety and panicdisorder. I usually can hold my thoughts and feelings in check. But appearently not right now…
My husband is my greatest supporter and that he believes in me. That I can do this is so helpful. I want to make him proud of me and show everyone els that I am stronger then they think.
I hope you all have an amazing Sunday. We are going to take a quiet evening in the apartment and get ready for tomorrow.
Yesterday I had my last day at campus, here in Sweden before I go to Edinburgh. It has been a hard week so far. And I am so thankful for my friends at campus for helping me through this tough week. I think that it’s more real now that we are moving. Moving away from my dogs, my family and my friends. It has always been like months away, and now its just a couple of weeks. I am looking forward to studying abroad, but I know I will miss everyone at home.
I have always dreamed about studying in another country. But with my depression, anxiety and panic attacks I never thought I would be possible. Now, thanks to my wonderful husband’s support and the help from my family I am finally going.
I know that I am stronger than I think. I know I can do anything I want to do and I also know that my dogs are going to be well taken care of while I am gone. And this is a quote that I try to remember.
I missed posting a few of my planned Christmas Countdown post this week, just because I have had these bad days. But I will post them soon.
It’s Sunday and another week has passed. We are getting closer and closer to Christmas and I wish it would snow outside. But we are stuck with 8 degrees Celsius and cloudy weather. I have just seen the sun for a couple of hours this week.
As you know I been home sick this week. All week, so I have missed the first two lectures of my new course, but I have maxing friends that have sent me their notes. And this week last two classes were cancelled because the professor got sick. And that’s fine by me because that means I hopefully am not sick when they are rescheduled.
If you read my post from Monday night, you know my husband had to go to the Emergency Room, but the doctors think it was just his cold and fever that was the problem. He is still not okay. And I am actually still worried about him. He hates going to the doctor, but I feel like I might have to convince him to go next week if he doesn’t get better.
I got some amazing news on Tuesday afternoon, but I will share that with you in another post later on. Right now I just want to keep it secret for a little while longer. But it’s about the same thing that I wrote a post about for a couple of weeks ago. You can read it here.
And as you might have read on Wednesday, my husband and I had been together for 12 years that day. We did not calibrate because we both were sick so we will do that another day.
Friday I went to my grandmother’s house to start going through the things that we are dividing between my father, my uncle, my brother and me. My grandmother passed away in August, and my father and uncle have been going through her house for about two months now dividing things between them and now they thought it was my brother and my time to see if we wanted anything after her and my grandfather. It was really hard being there and going through her things. I miss her so much. But I am thankful for all the memories and that I get to keep some things as a memory after her. I am going back today to look at some more things and see my uncle.
And this afternoon my husband and I are eating dinner with my mother, my father, my brother, my sister-in-law and my nephew at my parent’s apartment.
I also got the news on Friday, that I passed my Statistic Exam. I am so happy. Now I can focus fully on my Law course and place the statistic books in my bookshelf. And hopefully, I will never study Statistics again.
It’s a cloudy Saturday here in Sweden and I am still not over my cold, but it’s time for this week’s Self-Care post.
There are so many ways to take care of yourself. And I have already cared some with you. One thing I like to do is take walks, short or long. You get out in the fresh air and you can think. Also, you get exercise which is important and good for you.
I usually walk with my dogs. And my husband is with me at least one walk a day. For me is the walking a way to relax. Not see the things that I need to do at home, or with my studying. Just to walk and think about whatever comes to my mind. Yesterday when my husband and I took the last walk of the days with the dogs, I thought about the moon. And that was relaxing for me.
Walking also gives me perspective over things. For example, when I got stuck on an assignment for school I can take a walk and relax, and I usually get a new idea when I am out in the fresh air.
Do you take a walk every day? Have an amazing Saturday and if you can try taking a walk today. Alone or in the company with dogs, friends and/or family.
I was out on the morning walk with the dogs. It´s cloudy outside and the ground is wet from the rain that came yesterday. The dogs are understimulated because my husband and I aren’t completely well yet. And they start chasing each other and playing. They still have their leases on. And you know in movies how dogs run around a person so they can’t move. They did that to me, so I almost fell, but I am getting used to it so I was trying to get loose from Oracles lease when Zelda thought it was a good idea to run around a little tree… And can you guess what happens next?
The tree is quite flexible and Zelda try to get free, so the tree bends when she tries running to me so I get the tree like a whip in the side of my head. It hurt. But Zelda didn’t understand why I got angry at her. She was just really proud that she got lose from the tree herself.
Now we are inside in the warmth again and the dogs seem to be pleased with their morning walk.
Later today I will post my Fangirl Friday post. Hope you read it! Have a wonderful Friday!
For this weeks Thankful Tuesday post, I wanted to write about my dog Zelda. She is the little one in our small family.
She’s a Welsh Corgi Cardigan that is about 2,5 years old. And she is kind of goofy. She has a strong will and she loves to play. There is so much puppy left in her that she on a daily basic chase her tail.
We bought her so Oracle could get a little sister and someone to play with. And I am really thankful that we did. She always makes me laugh. And now we have two dogs to cuddle with.
When I have a cold, I have two dogs to warm me up. And they keep a close eye on me. Zelda loves to explore new places, but she is a homebody. She loves her yellow ring.
I could write so much more about her and I will but not today. Instead, I am going to share this picture of Zelda with you:
I haven’t been that active here these last couple of days, because I have a sick dog at home.
On Saturday Oracle started having some problems with her stomach and since then she has been sick. My husband and I have been taking turns going out with her, both day and night. And yesterday Oracle was with my husband at work so I could go to campus for a lecture. Zelda was alone at doggie daycare, but it went really well and she was so good.
Today I am staying home with both dogs. I don’t want to leave them home alone and yesterday is the first day Oracle actually ate something. Right now she is laying beside me on the sofa sleeping. She seeks closeness all the time and I am just trying to be here for her.
This morning my husband took her out for a quick walk while I gave Zelda her breakfast. Oracle is eating food that is gentle for her tummy so she can’t eat her usually dog food. When Oracle came inside she walked around for a bit and then she tried to poop, so I got up to get her out again, but she sat down on the rug in the living room and pulled her self forward with her butt pressed against the rug. She left a brown mark after her. I was not pleased, but not angry at her. She is sick. So I called my husband who had just left and he came back and cleaned up the rug while I walked both dogs outside.
It feels like Oracle is getting better, but I still want to keep an eye on her and that’s why I am staying home today. I don’t want to leave her with anyone else.
Now I am going to try to get some studying done before I need to take the dogs outside again.