Tag: Anxiety

Hard couple of DAYS!

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Edinburgh, Great Britain, Life, Love, Mental Health, Panic attacks, picture, Study Abroad, Studying, TravleLeave a comment

Tomorrow is the day that School starts here in Edinburgh for me. It’s scarry and I have wanted to go home since Thursday when we arrived. It feels like something is missing. Like something is wrong… I can’t excplain it better.

I told my husband this and we had a long chat. He was very understanding and supportive. For this I am so greatful. We talked about how I miss the dogs. What makes my anxiety are through the roof. And all my fears right now. And you know what. It feels better now. It doesen’t feel completly fine. But maybe I will get there?!

We took the decision that we are going to give it 2 weeks and then se how I feel. How my mental health is and what I feel like doing. I am not a quiter but these few days I have wanted to go home and be with my dogs. And having my family just a short drive away. Not several hours away with an ocean between.

My reading nook in the apartment

I am sharing this with you becase I want to be honest. Life isn’t always easy and sometimes it’s a real pain in my ass. Days like this I hate my anxiety and panicdisorder. I usually can hold my thoughts and feelings in check. But appearently not right now…

My husband is my greatest supporter and that he believes in me. That I can do this is so helpful. I want to make him proud of me and show everyone els that I am stronger then they think.

I hope you all have an amazing Sunday. We are going to take a quiet evening in the apartment and get ready for tomorrow.

Love, Nea

Situation Sunday ~ 16th December

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Motivation, Panic attacks, Situation Sunday, Study Abroad, ThankfulLeave a comment

A hard week is soon over and a new week is just around the corner. I am so grateful for all the amazing people around me that support me. This week has been a challenge, but I made it through and because of that I am a little bit stronger. 

Today I wanted to quit. I was going to my self-defence class and I just wanted to call my friend and say that I was not feeling good. But I powered through. And I had an amazing time. It was hard at times when I had my flashbacks, but the trainers where amazing. 

After the self-defence class, my husband and I took a walk with the dogs down by the river. It was starting to get dark, but it was beautiful with the snow that was gently falling down.

Picture from today’s walk down by the river

Now I am sitting on my sofa with two sleeping dogs beside me and my husband is driving to change cars with my parents and to pick up pizza. Probably the last pizza before we move to Edinburgh. I love pizza, but we don’t eat it that much. We try to cook as much as possible, because of my food allergies. 

Now I am going to snuggle with my dogs. I hope you all have a fantastic Sunday. A happy third Advent. We are going to light the third candle when my husband gets home. 

Love, Nea

Last day at Campus

On By NeaIn About me, Anxiety, Christmas, Christmas Countdown, Depression, Edinburgh, Great Britain, Life, Love, Mental Health, Panic attacks, picture, quotes, Study Abroad, Studying, Thankful, Travle, UniversityLeave a comment

Yesterday I had my last day at campus, here in Sweden before I go to Edinburgh. It has been a hard week so far. And I am so thankful for my friends at campus for helping me through this tough week. I think that it’s more real now that we are moving. Moving away from my dogs, my family and my friends. It has always been like months away, and now its just a couple of weeks. I am looking forward to studying abroad, but I know I will miss everyone at home. 

I have always dreamed about studying in another country. But with my depression, anxiety and panic attacks I never thought I would be possible. Now, thanks to my wonderful husband’s support and the help from my family I am finally going. 

I know that I am stronger than I think. I know I can do anything I want to do and I also know that my dogs are going to be well taken care of while I am gone. And this is a quote that I try to remember.

Picture taken buy me and the quote is by: H. Jackson Brown Jr.

I missed posting a few of my planned Christmas Countdown post this week, just because I have had these bad days. But I will post them soon. 

Have an fantastic Friday!

Love, Nea

8th December ~ Self-Care Saturday

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Life, Mental Health, Panic attacks, Self-Care Saturday, Study Abroad, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

Today I don’t want to share my self-care tips with you. Today I want to share why I do self-care. And why I need to get better at it.

So this last couple of weeks have been hard on me and my mental health. I have been struggling with Statistics. I spent almost all my time studying and after the exam and assignments, I felt like a balloon that lost all its air. And then I had to wait and see if I passed the course or if I had to take the exam again. If you are or have been a Student you know what I am talking about. 

And then I started realixing that it wasent so long left until I would move over 1000 kilometer away from home. From my family. My dogs. My friends. And that got me kind of shaken up.

And on top of this we are going throw my grandmothers house and dividing the heritage between us all. It feels like my grandfather, who passed away in September 2009, and my grandmother is still there. I am just waiting for them to come down from their bedroom and ask what we are doing. I miss them so much.

For me, Self-Care is an important part to stay grounded and to take time to cope with all that is happening around me. It can very hard some days to take care of ourselves. Just brushing our teeth can be hard. But its important. And I have promised myself that I need to get better at taking care of me. 

These last couple of days I have tried to do at least 5 things a day to take care of my self (and brushing my teeth and taking a shower does not count this week). I have done my skin-care rutin, I have taken long walks, I have listened to music and I have taken time to just breath and not feel stressed over what I need to do.

I hope you all also can take some time and spend it on your self-care. You are important! You need to put yourself first sometimes!

Love, Nea

26th November ~ Motivational Monday

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Motivation, Motivational Monday, Panic attacks, quotes2 Comments

It’s a new week and I have so much on my mind. For this Motivational Monday, I decided to share a quote that I have to remind my self about constantly. 

“Think Continually About What You Want, Not About The Things You Fear.” ~ Brian Tracy

Bemuse I live with anxiety, depression and panic attacks, I am afraid of so many things. I am afraid something can happen to my husband, the dogs or my family. I am afraid to faint in public. I am afraid of getting a panic attack. I know this is ironic because having anxiety over this can cause a panic attack.

Sometimes I just have to think about what I want in life and not everything I am afraid of. Everyday is a struggle for me. I have a panic attack at least once a day, but I don’t let it stop me. I know I am better than that. And what I want is to get a degree and I am not going to let my fears stop me. 

And if I can do it so can you. You are so much stronger than you believe!

Love, Nea

World Mental Health Day

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Panic attacks1 Comment

I totally missed that October 10th was World Mental Health Day 2018. Don’t really know how? But I am doing a post on it now instead.

What I really want to share with all of you about Mental Health is that is no shame in having problems with your mental health. More people than you know have problems with their mental health and I wish more people talked about it.

I remember when I started going to a psychologist when I was about 14 years old and so many people had a problem with me talking about it. I should stay quiet and not talk about it. So I that’s what I did. I felt ashamed over how I was feeling and that affected me for a really long time.

Then when I started getting my panic attacks, big ones, when I was 17 I didn’t want to talk to anybody about it. I was ashamed over it. But I got help and started understanding that it wasn’t anything to be ashamed over. Both through my family and celebrities that have been very open about their mental health problems.

I started telling people that I had been diagnosed with anxiety, depression and panic disorder. I was told by a teacher when I finally came back to High School after being home sick for about a year, that I should be locked up in an insane asylum. That I was a danger to everyone around me. That only made me angrier and more determined to share with everyone.

My husband has always been by my side in all of this and when I told him that I wanted to start a blog to share my life with people he helped me get it started. He knows all about my fears and he still loves me. And I am worth that love.

I now that there are a lot of people out there that doesn’t have the support that I have had. But just remember that you are loved and it will get better with time. Just keep fighting! And you are not alone.

And to you who have a person with mental health problems in your life. Don’t try to fix it all. Just listen to them. Love them and be there for them.

Love, Nea

 

 

Throwback Thursday

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Oracle, Panic attacks, picture, Thankful TuesdayLeave a comment

For this week’s Throwback Thursday I want to share this picture with you:

Oralce and Aylenblogg

This is my dog Oracle when she was 8 weeks old and her mother. This was the day we brought her home with us. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I finally had my own dog after wanting one for so many years.

This was taken in March 2013 and I can’t believe that Oracle is going to be 6 years in January next year. She is one of the best parts of my life and I owe so much to her.

I don’t actually remember if I have written anything about this before, but I have trained Oracle to be my therapy dog. And she has been there for me whenever I need her and I love her so much.  She doesn’t have to work as much now as she did a couple of years ago but she still helps me when I need her to.

I am definitely going to write more about my dogs because they are a big part of my life.

 

Early morning on Campus

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Everyday life, Life, Mental Health, Panic attacks, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

This morning I woke up at 4 am. And 15 minutes later my alarm went off. It was just to go up and eat breakfast. The reason that I got up so early is that my husband and I drove in together this morning. He starts his job at 7 am in the morning, but it takes an hour to get to campus and we had to drop the dogs at doggie daycare before 7 am.

Now I am sitting at campus listening to a music and trying to motivate myself to study. And wishing that I drank coffee so that I could wake up. But I don’t drink anything with caffeine.

I have been thinking these last days about that I feel like this world is getting more and more hard. We are harder against each other. There is more bullying around us. In school and online. And people are less understanding with other people and their feelings. People are more selfish. I wish that we could spread love and not hate.

I have been told by many people over the last couple of years that my “sickness” is something that makes me the wrong human being to study. That I should stay home. These are things I have never taken to heart.

I know that every one that is fighting against their mental health can overcome it. I have found that taking action is the only thing that helps me with my panic attacks. With this I mean. Do things that you know can and will sett you of. But do it small steps at a time. If you get panic attacks when you shop for groceries. Then go early in the morning or later in the evening, when there are much fewer people in the store. And have as a goal to maybe just by one or two products. And you can, of course, have someone with you as support.

And do this until you are ready to increase the number of products you by. And someday you can shop for an entire week at once.

That is my best advice. Take it slow. But do something to get yourself better. I am not saying that I don´t get panic attacks in the store. Because I do. All the time. But I can handle them better now. And I know that if I am having a rough week then I don’t shop when the stores are the busiest. You have to pick your battles. And right now I am concentrating on finishing my education. And almost all my energy is going to go to all my classes even if I am having a hard day.

This became a longer post than planned. Sorry for the rant.

Have an inspiring day!

Love, Nea

Campus this morning

October is officially here

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Everyday life, Life, Mental Health, Panic attacks, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

October. The Month when it really feels like autumn is here. And all I want to do is sit on the couch with a blanket, a good book and a cup of hot chocolate. And some candles burning on the coffee table.

But what I need to do is: Study for my exam that is on the 29 of October. And I also need to do laundry, especially wash my mittens and scarfs. And many more things need to be done. It feels like there are more things than time. I am going through a rough patch right now, as some of you may have understood from my previous posts. And I am stressing out about all the things around me.

Yesterday I had a “normal” day at campus, but when I got home I was exhausted. I slept for about an hour on the sofa with the dogs before I had any energy to get something done.

Today I had an earlier day on campus and after that, I went to a shopping mall and got a christening present for my niece (my husband’s older brothers daughter) that is getting christen on Saturday. Something that had totally fallen out of my mind. And I realised this weekend that we had not gotten her a gift yet.

But on the plus side when I started looking for something to by for her I found the perfect Christmas gift for my nephew (my brother’s son) and also a birthday present for him. His birthday is in February.

Then it hit me. It’s just a couple of months to Christmas. I don’t know where the time has gone. It feels like September just went by without me noticing. Is it me or does time go faster when you get older than it did when you were a child?

Now I am going to study. And then it’s out in the pouring rain to walk the dogs.

Have a lovely evening!

Love, Nea

This mornings walk with the dogs! 😍

I did it!

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Motivation, Panic attacks, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

Today I went to campus and stayed for my entire lecture. Even if it was hard this morning. And right now I am tired but very proud of myself.

My father was with me to campus and then we had lunch together and just talked. It was like an extra “lifeline” in case I got a panic attack. And it felt safe.

All I can say is don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. We all need someone to lean on sometimes.

Now I am going to take the dogs for a quick walk then get into bed. I am really sleepy.

Good night!

Love, Nea

Campus this morning