Life happens

In the middle of January I started my fifth year at University. Saying it out loud seems crazy, for two reasons. First, because a lot of people did not think I would even make it through one term at University because of my mental health problems. If you were one of them, well than I just want to say: “Fuck you!” I am stronger than you thought.

Secondly, because I was only planing on studying at University for 3 years to take my Bachelors Degree, which I have taken, but life happens. Or more exactly I had one exam hanging over me when I finished the thesis in the begining of January last year, so I had to retake it in March. Which meant that I studied one more term to have something to do while I waited to retake that exam. Than Covid happend and a lot of places would not hire people right out of University, so I countinued to study. And now I am here working on my Masters Thesis and If I take one more term after the summer I will have my Masters. And that sounds even more crazy.

I have showed so many people who doubted me that I am stronger than they think and that I will not be defined or limited by my mental health. It has not always been easy doing this, but with the support of my husband and my family and friends I have done this. I also managed to study one term abroad in Edinburgh, an experience I will always value.

I have lost a couple friends over the time, but that is mostly people who can’t handle my success or that have not been able to handle that I still have mental health problems. But I am better without these people. The friends I have gotten over the time I have studied that have stayed with me are true friends. The kind you can call whenever just to talk.

If I can do this then I know that you can go after what you want as well! Go after your dreams.

Love, Nea

Thankful Tuesday – Cat

This is a post I have wanted to write for a while, but have not really had the time to do. It is about my amazing friend Cat. This Thankful Tuesday post is about her.

The first few weeks of living in Edinburgh was kind of hard for me. I was scared. Would I fit in? Would I find some friends? What would people thinking about someone my age studying abroad?

And in one of my classes, in the first week, we had a quiz about how much we knew about Scotland. The class was a class about Scotland and it’s history, so it was appropriate. Anyway we needed to be divided into teams and I did not know anyone in the class, but I ended up in the same team as Cat and two other people. I am bad, but I really don’t remember there names.. All I can say is I am so happy that I got to be in a team with her, because it was the start of our friendship. Ever after that day, Cat and I sat together in our class and she encouraged me and helped me with finding my place in Scotland then she could ever understand.

Cat’s wonderful dog Yet! ūüėć

Fast forward to the week we was leaving Edinburgh, we had decided to meet up and say good bye and she gave us a present. Typical Scottish things and toys for our dogs. I was speechless. I had not expected anything like that. She is just so thoughtful. And after spending a few hours together and after we got to meet both her wonderful dog Jet and her fiance Cameron we had to say goodbye. It was really hard, she has definitely made my stay abroad so much better.

Cat is an amazing person and we have so much in common. And she always make me laugh. I am so thankful to be able to call her my friend. And I really hope she and I can keep in touch and continue being friends even though we live so far from each other.

Love, Nea

Home in Sweden

We came home to Sweden on Monday. I can’t explain the feeling in my body when we drove over the bridge from Denmark to Sweden. It was so surreal. And then when we drove into our little town and knowing that would soon see my dogs for the first time in 5 months. I started crying of happiness.

Being home these last two days with the dogs have been amazing, even if we came home to Oracle being sick. She has probably eaten something bad outside that have made her sick.

My husband and dogs out on an evning walk yesterday.

I have spent the days with the dogs and unpacking everything… And I still have a lot to unpack. Also a whole lot of washing to do. But that’s fine. I don’t mind it. I have the best company in the dogs.

Yesterday, my parents came over to take a couple of thing they had forgotten when they moved out on Monday. And my sister-in-law and nephew came over for a visit. It was so nice. I have missed them all so much.

I will try and update more about Scotland and our trip home in a couple of days. Right now I am going to spend some time with the dogs. Have an amazing Wednesday.

Love, Nea

Unreal feelings

Today I have finished my last essay for my time here in Edinburgh. It feels so unreal. Now all I got left on my term here is two exams that I have next week. I can hardly understand how fast the time has gone buy. I love it here in Edinburgh, but I am really homesick right now. I miss my dogs like crazy. And I know that in a months time we are on our way home.

I don’t know if I have told you already but we are going to drive home. It’s going to be a amazing road-trip with out new car that we bought here in Edinburgh last week.

But first we are going to explore Scotland some more. And I am looking forward to it. I am so happy that I took the chance to study abroad. It has been a great experience and I am having so much fun.

I will miss this amazing city when we get home. All the amazing people that I now can call my friends and the feeling I have gotten when I been here. The courage that all of this have given me. I can’t really explain it.

I hope you have an fantastic Tuesday.

Love, Nea

Confusing emotions

I don’t really know where to start writing today. Last week was a amazing. My mother, brother, sister-in-law and nephew came to Edinburgh for a visit. They arrived on Wednesday and left on Saturday. I got to show them my university and where we live. We also took them for a visit to Edinburgh zoo.. And spent a day walking around in Edinburgh. I was so happy to have them here and I was so grateful that they took the time to come and visit us. I have missed them like crazy. And even though I was sad that my father and dogs where not here I was very happy.

On Saturday when we said goodbye on the airport I thought I was going to break down completely, but my husband helped me through it. He reminded me that we are going to be back in Sweden in two months time and that I now need to concentrate on the last parts of my studying here. I have two exams and an essay left to write. He helped cheer me up and we took a day just spending time together watching on things on Netflix and cuddling in the couch. Just what I needed.

Then on Sunday it was my birthday. We took a couple of walks and spend time together. I was feeling sick, so we took it quiet easy. I love my husband so much. One of the reasons is because he always makes me feel better and knows how to make the best of every day. He knows I been going through a couple of hard weeks with my mental health and he helps me through it.

Yesterday was a really bad day. I was sick with fever and headache, spending the whole day in bed, trying to get better. Then in the afternoon we found out that a family friend had passed away. It has really shaken me up. And I know he has been sick for sometime, but I just can’t get my head around it. It also feels wrong that I probably won’t be able to attend his funeral.

This last week has me feeling some confusing emotions and I don’t really know what to do about it. I am happy and sad at the same time. Happy for the visit, happy about my birthday with my husband and sad about my friend. And I am still sick… I am sorry if this post is strange and not something you want to read. I just needed to write it to work through it.

I hope you have an fantastic Wednesday and please take care of one an other. Be nice and appreciate the people in your life.

Love, Nea

Spring Break

As of this Monday, I have Spring Break. Monday was a really good day. I handed in an essay and got the grad for two other essays I have done. I got an A on both of them.

But right now I am going trough a rough patch. I should be out exploring the city with my husband. Instead I am sitting in the couch writing. Because it helps me with all the feelings that I have right now. My husband is amazing and supportive, but I know it’s hard for him seeing me like this. He is doing his best to get me out of my funk. But I feel so tired. All I want to do is sleep, but when I sleep I sleep bad. I am anxious and I don’t know how to explain it.

I am working on getting better. But the stress from the last week of school is getting to me. I hope that I will feel better soon, I want to see more of what Edinburgh has to offer. And next week we will get a visit from my mother, brother, nephew and sister-in-law. I am looking forward to it. I haven’t seen them since the beginning of January.. More then 3 months.

One of the reasons why I haven’t been active here in a while is school work and that I have been feeling drained. I hope you understand that. I want to write more. I want to share more of my feelings and what is happening in my life. And I hope I can do that.

Now I am going to go back to writing and listening to music. My husband is working so I don’t want to get in his way.

I hope you all have an amazing week and if you are going through a rough patch: Please Keep Fighting. Never Give Up!!

Missing my family..

Today is a though day. I am missing my family like crazy.

I want to snuggle with my dogs and go on a long walk with them. Hear Zelda snore when she sleeps and have Oracle snuggle up in my arms. Tell them I love them and give them kisses.

I want to talk to my nephew and see him smile because we are playing with his cars. Hug him and tell him I love him. He is my little ray of sunshine.

I want to talk about photography and books with my dad and give him a hug. Tell him that I love him and how thankful I am to have him as my father.

I want to talk about the garden with my mom and hug her. Tell her I love her and how much I appreciate all the things she does for me.

My nephew and Sister-in-law.

I want to talk to my brother about his job and his son. and hug him and tell him he is the best big brother a girl can have. And that I love him.

I want to talk about baking gluten-free baking with my mother-in-law. And how grateful I am to her for raising as an amazing man as my husband. To tell her I love her and give her a hug.

I want to talk about everything with my sister-in-law. About my nephew, her new work and the plans for the house. Talk about traveling. Tell her how happy I am to have her in my life. That she and my nephew are the best things that has happen in my brothers life. And that I love her for it.

I just really miss them all. And after one week of stress to finish two essays I feel so tired and I miss them more. I know that I am almost halfway to getting home again and seeing them all. And I know that the following weeks will be packed with things to do.

I have two essays left to write. And to exams in May. And it is about two weeks until I have Spring-Break for three weeks, when I will be studying my ass of to pass my exams and finish the last essay.

My husband!

My husband is understanding and supportive and without him I would not be able to do this. He helps me through the hard days and always listens to me. I love him and I am grateful that such an amazing man loves me.

Sorry for my rant. I just needed to get this out. I wish you all an amazing Thursday!

Love, Nea

Happy Friday!

Today I don’t have any lectures so I will spend the day trying to find good academic articles for essays. I need so many and I might only have about 3 that are good enough so far. But I am not giving up I will find some really good and write kick-ass essays. Or at least do my best. And that is good enough.

The plan for today was from the beginning to go to a shopping center about 22 minutes with bus from here and try and find a spring jacket for me, but my feets hurt and I don’t really feel like walking around shopping then. But we will see I might change my mind later.

But today is a good day and I want to share my happy song right now. Its Simple by Florida Georgia Line. It makes me want to sing and dance. A real happy song.

So, time to find those articles. Have an amazing Friday!

Love, Nea

8 weeks!!

Today it’s been 8 weeks since we moved from Sweden to Edinburgh. I can’t really believe it been so long. I am so grateful that I actually took this chance. I love it here in Edinburgh and some days I dream about moving here forever.

I am still spending most of my time studying. Today I only had a morning lecture about Corporate Social Responsibility, that was really interesting. And it gave me a lot of things to think about. After the lecture, my husband and I went to a Tesco store that is about 30 minutes walk away from campus. It was bigger than the Tesco we usually go to and we found somethings we needed for the apartment.

On our way to the bus home, we walked past a TK Maxx store so we went in and bought a Red Nose Day t-shirt each and a Red Nose Day tote bag. Then we took the bus home and my husband cooked us some tacos for lunch.

Our new t-shirts.

Now I am waiting for a Facetime call with my parents. I really should be studying, but it’s nice just to sit and take it easy for a while. I hope you have a wonderful Thursday. Remember its Friday tomorrow!

Love, Nea

Essay planning

My life revolves round tutorials, lectures and essays right now. I am trying to spend as much time as possible with my schoolwork. As much possible without losing my mind.

Right now I am so tired. I would like to crawl into bed and sleep until tomorrow. But I really need to work on two of my essays. When we got home for about an hour ago we just dropped off our things and I changed out of my “School clothes” and into something more relaxing. Then we took a walk along the river of Leith. Just to unwind a bit.

Now I am trying to motivate myself to look up academic articles for my essays. I need to find about 20 different articles. And I might only have 2 good so far. But I am working on that.

I know this was probably a boring update, but I want to be better at sharing my life. And this is my life right now.

Hope you have a wonderful Monday evening.

Love, Nea