Tag: Study

Hard couple of DAYS!

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Edinburgh, Great Britain, Life, Love, Mental Health, Panic attacks, picture, Study Abroad, Studying, TravleLeave a comment

Tomorrow is the day that School starts here in Edinburgh for me. It’s scarry and I have wanted to go home since Thursday when we arrived. It feels like something is missing. Like something is wrong… I can’t excplain it better.

I told my husband this and we had a long chat. He was very understanding and supportive. For this I am so greatful. We talked about how I miss the dogs. What makes my anxiety are through the roof. And all my fears right now. And you know what. It feels better now. It doesen’t feel completly fine. But maybe I will get there?!

We took the decision that we are going to give it 2 weeks and then se how I feel. How my mental health is and what I feel like doing. I am not a quiter but these few days I have wanted to go home and be with my dogs. And having my family just a short drive away. Not several hours away with an ocean between.

My reading nook in the apartment

I am sharing this with you becase I want to be honest. Life isn’t always easy and sometimes it’s a real pain in my ass. Days like this I hate my anxiety and panicdisorder. I usually can hold my thoughts and feelings in check. But appearently not right now…

My husband is my greatest supporter and that he believes in me. That I can do this is so helpful. I want to make him proud of me and show everyone els that I am stronger then they think.

I hope you all have an amazing Sunday. We are going to take a quiet evening in the apartment and get ready for tomorrow.

Love, Nea

Big News!

On By NeaIn About me, Edinburgh, Great Britain, Life, Study Abroad, StudyingLeave a comment

Now its time to finally tell you the big news! Drumroll… My husband and I are moving to Scotland for 5 months because I have been nominated by my university to study at Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh. I am so happy. And excited. And anxious.

Picture I took at Heriot-Watt University, summer 2018.

We move at the beginning of January. And for those of you who wonder, the dogs are not moving with us. They will be living with my parents. I am going to miss them very much, but I know they are going to be well taken care of by my parents.

I am looking forward to Studying Abroad. It’s going to be an amazing opportunity for me to learn better English and to evolve as a person. And meet new people.

A picture I took of Heriot-Watt University, summer 2018

This summer, my husband and I went to Edinburgh to get a feel for the city and the campus where I am going to study. The city is amazing, and I feel bad for not spending more time there then I did, but I was sick at the beginning of our stay in England. And the Campus has big open spaces and park-like grounds so I think I will like it there a lot.

I hope you all have an wonderful Friday!

Love, Nea

Oh, Deer!

On By NeaIn About me, Christmas Countdown, Everyday life, Life, Mental HealthLeave a comment

I have had migrens since Tuesday. Thats why I didn´t post a Throwback Thursday post yesterday,  But I am starting to feel better now. 

Teusday was a wierd day. That morning on my way to campus I almost hit a deer (roe deer). One came running out of the woods and ran in front of the car. I hit the brakes and the car skid a bit and I saw how close I was to hitting the deer. And then another deer came running out of the woods and the lorry that came from the other direction almost hit that one. 

I am so glad that I didn’t hit the deer and after I was so shaky. But it was alright and I came to campus in time for my class. 

And then when I got home in the afternoon I got a message that Wednesday’s class was cancelled because the professor is sick. So I didn’t have any more classes on campus for the week. It felt so weird. But when the migraine kick in I was glad to not miss any lectures because of it.

Today I am going to post the last Fangirl Friday post for a while. At least until after Christmas. Tomorrow starts Christmas Countdown, as I have written before. 

Have an amazing day!

Love, Nea

Give me motivation!

On By NeaIn Life, Motivation, Okategoriserade, StudyingLeave a comment

I need some motivation right now. I feel drained. I want to sleep or just do nothing. I been studying since this morning and feel like I don’t want to study more. But I need to because the exam is on Monday. And I am nowhere near ready.

So please send some motivation so I get some more studying before I need to go the optician in two hours to have my eyes checked and try out a new pair of glasses. Because I have started getting headaches again and my eyesight has been getting worse. I have had glasses since I was about 9 years old, so its nothing new. I just hate trying to find glasses that I like. But I will do my best.

Motivate me, please!

Asthma

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Life, Panic attacks, StudyingLeave a comment

I am starting to get really nervous about my exam next Monday. I am studying and trying my best to be ready. But it feels like I am failing. But I won’t give up. I am going to do my best and that just needs to be enough.

Yesterday I had a bad day at campus. I had to park far from my lecture hall and when I started walking to my lecture, a little stressed, I meet a couple of people that were vaping and smoking cigarettes. I tried to hold my breath and keep away from them, but I couldn’t so I got an Asthma attack. I took some medicine and thought that I still could make it to my class. So I kept moving, but slower this time. Then when I came to the building I was going to have my lecture, I went into the toilet. But someone had been smoking in there. So after my second Asthma attack for the day, I was not feeling so good. I meet a friend and tried to not get a panic attack as well. But I just couldn’t stay on campus and go on the lecture. I was feeling weak and my chest hurt. I called my husband that picked me up.

Now I am at home, still not feeling great. And missing today’s two classes. I feel awful. But I am going to study from home today. To get ready for the exam. And I am going to get some rest, so I don’t get worse.

I hope you have a fantastic day. And this Weeks WCW post is soon out. Read it.

Love, Nea

Overslept on Hump Day!

On By NeaIn Life, Mental Health, Oops..., Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

Today I overslept.. Or no not really. I woke up with my husband this morning and then he and the dogs left for work and doggie daycare. And I ate breakfast in peace and with no stress. But then I fell asleep on the sofa and woke up just 30 minutes before my lecture. And I have 1 hours drive to campus and I had nothing packed for school and I needed to ready. So I decided to not stress because I know I would only get to campus when it max was 20 minutes left of the lecture.

So now I am sitting here at home and trying to wake up. I have another class this afternoon that I am going to go to. But first I am eating my lunch at home and then I am going to campus. The class is a late one and right now I am fine with it. This is the last day this week I am having a late day on campus.

This has really been a Hump Day so far. I am looking forward until this day is over. I don’t know how long my husband is working today. He might have to do some overtime again. But luckily he bought groceries yesterday so we have everything at home to cook dinner tonight. Just one of the many reasons why I love him.

I hope you all have an amazing Hump Day.

Love, Nea

Scared Nea

On By NeaIn About me, Mental Health, StudyingLeave a comment

Yesterday I got a good estimate of how easily I get scared when I am home alone.

I was sitting in the living room studying  and its really windy outside and its raining, and kind of dark outside. Then the lights flicker, which didn’t get me scared. But all the sudden the ventilation increases and I don’t understand why and I find it really scary. I call my husband and asks him if he has come home and decided to play a trick on me, and he says that he is at work. And I am like.. What do I do? He tells me that the flickering in light is the electricity had a spike in it and that I need to go down and turn down the ventilation.  I am still scared at this point and I am thinking that someone got into the house, through our garage and into the boiler room and started messing with the ventilation so I would walk down and they could kill me… Stupid, right? So my husband has to talk to me on the phone while I walk down there. And the house is squeaking because its an older house and it’s really windy outside. I am seriously thinking about locking myself in the bedroom. But I did it.

And afterwards, I felt really stupid for getting so scared. My fantasy is just too good sometimes. And I am use to old houses and I usually like being home alone.

Today I have already had my lecture and now I am at home with the dogs. And I should be studying, but I feel like all my energy just vanished. And all I want is to cuddle with the dogs and my husband. But he is not going to be home for a couple of hours. He is working hard and here I am complaining about not having the energy to study… So for my own sake and for all his hard work I am going to study.

Love, Nea

A headache and Babysitting

On By NeaIn Life, Mental Health, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

Today started badly with a headache. And I went home from campus earlier then I had planned. And I slept for a few hours. Now I am babysitting my nephew (brothers son). He is fast asleep in his bed and I am trying to study, but my headache isn’t all gone and I have an early lecture tomorrow that I really need to go to.

And I am hoping I can get some shopping done tomorrow as well. I need a coat to wear to campus and to business meetings. And I hope I can find one that fits me and that doesn’t contain wool.

I am struggling a bit with my motivation for studying. I need to study this weekend, but on Saturday my husband and I are going to my niece’s Christening. And I think that I won’t have time at all that day to study. Which leaves me with Friday afternoon/evening and Sunday. Its about three weeks until my exam and I feel like really need to study.

Have an amazing evening. I am going to read some in my course literature.

Love, Nea

 

Early morning on Campus

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Everyday life, Life, Mental Health, Panic attacks, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

This morning I woke up at 4 am. And 15 minutes later my alarm went off. It was just to go up and eat breakfast. The reason that I got up so early is that my husband and I drove in together this morning. He starts his job at 7 am in the morning, but it takes an hour to get to campus and we had to drop the dogs at doggie daycare before 7 am.

Now I am sitting at campus listening to a music and trying to motivate myself to study. And wishing that I drank coffee so that I could wake up. But I don’t drink anything with caffeine.

I have been thinking these last days about that I feel like this world is getting more and more hard. We are harder against each other. There is more bullying around us. In school and online. And people are less understanding with other people and their feelings. People are more selfish. I wish that we could spread love and not hate.

I have been told by many people over the last couple of years that my “sickness” is something that makes me the wrong human being to study. That I should stay home. These are things I have never taken to heart.

I know that every one that is fighting against their mental health can overcome it. I have found that taking action is the only thing that helps me with my panic attacks. With this I mean. Do things that you know can and will sett you of. But do it small steps at a time. If you get panic attacks when you shop for groceries. Then go early in the morning or later in the evening, when there are much fewer people in the store. And have as a goal to maybe just by one or two products. And you can, of course, have someone with you as support.

And do this until you are ready to increase the number of products you by. And someday you can shop for an entire week at once.

That is my best advice. Take it slow. But do something to get yourself better. I am not saying that I don´t get panic attacks in the store. Because I do. All the time. But I can handle them better now. And I know that if I am having a rough week then I don’t shop when the stores are the busiest. You have to pick your battles. And right now I am concentrating on finishing my education. And almost all my energy is going to go to all my classes even if I am having a hard day.

This became a longer post than planned. Sorry for the rant.

Have an inspiring day!

Love, Nea

Campus this morning

October is officially here

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Everyday life, Life, Mental Health, Panic attacks, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

October. The Month when it really feels like autumn is here. And all I want to do is sit on the couch with a blanket, a good book and a cup of hot chocolate. And some candles burning on the coffee table.

But what I need to do is: Study for my exam that is on the 29 of October. And I also need to do laundry, especially wash my mittens and scarfs. And many more things need to be done. It feels like there are more things than time. I am going through a rough patch right now, as some of you may have understood from my previous posts. And I am stressing out about all the things around me.

Yesterday I had a “normal” day at campus, but when I got home I was exhausted. I slept for about an hour on the sofa with the dogs before I had any energy to get something done.

Today I had an earlier day on campus and after that, I went to a shopping mall and got a christening present for my niece (my husband’s older brothers daughter) that is getting christen on Saturday. Something that had totally fallen out of my mind. And I realised this weekend that we had not gotten her a gift yet.

But on the plus side when I started looking for something to by for her I found the perfect Christmas gift for my nephew (my brother’s son) and also a birthday present for him. His birthday is in February.

Then it hit me. It’s just a couple of months to Christmas. I don’t know where the time has gone. It feels like September just went by without me noticing. Is it me or does time go faster when you get older than it did when you were a child?

Now I am going to study. And then it’s out in the pouring rain to walk the dogs.

Have a lovely evening!

Love, Nea

This mornings walk with the dogs! 😍