Tag: Life

Dreading tomorrow

On By NeaIn About me, Life, Love, Mental Health, UniversityLeave a comment

Hello Everone,

Tomorrow it’s finally Friday, but tomorrow is a day I been dreading for a couple of weeks. The funeral for my grandmother (my father’s mother) is tomorrow. And I am not really ready to say goodbye yet. She passed away at home in the middle of August and I can still not get my head around it. I miss her and I wish a could tell her again how much we love her and how much she means to me. I am currently writing a post about her and her influence on my life. I am just not sure if I am going to post it here.

Writing has always been therapeutic for me. A chance to express my self without anybody interrupting me. And I can bare myself in a way I can’t if we stood face to face. That’s one of the reasons I created this blog.

But back to tomorrow. I am going to campus early in the morning. Just like today. This morning I got up at half-past four to get to campus on time. And tomorrow I need to leave about a half hour before because we are leaving the dogs at a friends house who is going to have them all day. And my husband is driving me to campus. Then he is going to work for a couple of ours. Then after my two lectures. That ends twelve, we are going to my parent’s house to eat lunch and change, it’s about 45 minutes drive from campus. Then its the funeral. So I don’t think I am going to write anything here tomorrow. I may just take a day off.

Right now I should be studying, but I can’t really get my mind in the right place. I just want to hug my dogs and not think about tomorrow. And I need chocolate.

Love, Nea

Happy Hump Day!

On By NeaIn Everyday life, Life, UniversityLeave a comment

Happy Hump Day!

I am writing this on campus. I am waiting for my next “lecture” to start. In about 2 hours. My first lecture was at 11:15 and now I am trying to study, but there is quite a lot of noise around me. Because this week is the first week of the term the campus is pumping with life and people, all the time. Almost every parking spot is occupied and so are the bike racks.

I am looking forward to this day to end. It is really a hump day for me. The longest school day for this week and I finish at six a clock this evening. And I need to go grocery shopping and pick up my dogs before I am home again. From campus till my house I have about 1 h driving to do. So I am happy if I am home to about 8 a clock this evening.

But this is the life of a student or a worker. I shouldn’t complain. I have a wonderful life and an amazing opportunity to study at university. And I know that when I pick up my dogs they will be happy to see me and they are going to want to snuggle.

My husband is probably working late this evening. But when he gets home we will cook some food and talk about our day. It’s nice to just relax together.

Now the big question is: What are we going to eat tonight? It’s hard to think of something easy. But I will figure it out.

Now I shall try to study some. Have an amazing Hump day!

Love, Nea

Autumn is here to stay!

Second day at campus

On By NeaIn Life, Mental Health, Panic attacks, UniversityLeave a comment

Good afternoon!

Now I had my second day on campus. It went better than yesterday. I meet my wonderful friend Tova and we talked about our classes and she gave me some pointers about the class I am taking right now. She is just wonderful. And always helps me. Also, she always reminds me that I am stronger and smarter then I think.

And then I had a lecture, or not really a lecture. The class of about 100 students are divided into 3 groups and we have time with one of our teaching assistants and we go throw some of the statistics calculations we have in the book or in our booklet. It’s so we learn how to calculate different statistics and their formulas. I am going to have about 2-3 of these a week, for about 8-9 weeks. And I am also going to have 3 lectures a week. And a couple of lab experiments (don’t really know if this is the right word, sorry) in the next 8 weeks.  I am excited and a little scared. Its hard work and I hope this class will be good for me.

Of course, I had some small panic “moments” during the day today, but I don´t let myself get lost in those thoughts or moments. I just keep moving forward. I am trying to always see the bright side of things, and not get caught up in the negative all the time. Its hard sometimes, but you have to try and change your thoughts and not hang out with negative people.

Take care of yourself. And don’t let people pull you down.

Right now I am doing a kind of from home test that I will have the opportunity to do one every week. I have 20 tries per week and the best results are counted together at the end of these 8-9 weeks and I can get points credited for my written exam at the beginning of November.
So the better I am at these test the easier it will be later. But they take time. They call them “Dugga” and I hope you understand what I mean in my explanation. It is not the same questions on every 20 tries. It is different. And I have until tomorrow early morning to finish this one. And I have 10 tries left.

Then on Friday the next Dugga is realised with many more questions and 20 new tries. And I have until Monday morning.

Have a wonderful evening. I need to get back to my Dugga.

Love, Nea

Today is the day

On By NeaIn About me, Everyday life, Life, Oracle, University, ZeldaLeave a comment

Good Morning,

Today my classes will begin again. Today I have an afternoon class, so I am still at home with the dogs. But I have lots of things to do before I go to campus today. I have a little bit of reading to do and some other school-related things to do. But first I wanted to write something here.

Yesterday afternoon my parents came back with Oracle. It was really nice to have her home again. I know she has had a wonderful time with my parents and it has been nice to have some alone time with Zelda. But I still miss Oracle when she isn’t with us. Zelda had obliviously also missed her “sister” because she was really happy seeing her again yesterday. And this morning when I woke up they were sleeping in the same dog bed together. Almost hugging. It was so cute.

My husband and I slept the first night in the new bed tonight. I woke up with no back pain. It felt wonderful. But the bed still smells new. I don’t really know how to explain it, but it was hard to fall asleep. I know I will get used to the “smell” eventually and that it won’t smell new forever.

Right now I am sitting in the sofa with Oracle sleeping on the left of my and Zelda sleeping on the right of me. I am waiting on a call from my husband telling me if he is going to have to be gone for a few days because of work.

Now I am going to do some reading.. Have a fantastic day!

Love, Nea

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Our new bed.. 

 

Sunday morning

On By NeaIn About me, Anxiety, Depression, Everyday life, Life, Mental Health, Panic attacks, UniversityLeave a comment

Hello,

Today is the day before my first class of the term. I feel ready, but I am a bit anxious about starting again. As I have previously told I have a problem with a lot of people and I know that every class starts tomorrow so there will be a lot of people on campus tomorrow.  I am afraid of having a panic attack, even though I know that if I do I will be alright. I have my trick for coping. Trying to think of things that make me happy. Looking at pictures. And if I don’t feel safe where I am, I try to get somewhere I feel safer. And if none of these things helps I usually call someone to talk to a bit. Tell them about my problems and we talk til I feel better. More relaxed.

I don’t take any pills for my mental health. Doctors have said that they can write me prescriptions, but I want to overcome this on my own. I don’t look down on people that take pills, I understand them. I am not saying I am stronger or better. I just say that everyone must do their own choices. And maybe one day I will need to take the pills, but not now.

And I can tell you I am on medication for my asthma and my allergies. Just not anything for my depression, anxiety or panic attacks.

If there is anything you want to know. Please ask.

Love, Nea

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Picture from this mornings walk.

New month, new challenges!

On By NeaIn Life, Love, Mental Health, ZeldaLeave a comment

Hello,

Yesterday was not a good day, but I was determined to make today a good day. This morning my husband and I got up early. He walked Zelda over to my brother’s house because he was going to take care of her.

Then after we ate breakfast we went IKEA in Örebro and got ourselves a new bed. Our old one has been giving ous backpains and we decided that we needed a new bed the other day.

Oracle went on vacation over the weekend with my parents yesterday. So no dog was left alone at home. We were gone for a few hours and came home with an amazing bed. And its bigger than the old one, so now my husband is really happy.

We also bought new pillows for the bed and new linens. So it was a really good day.

But I had some problems in the store. Too many people are one of my triggers for my panic attacks. I had some small ones, but I kept powering through.

Tonight we will be sleeping on the pullout sofa because the bed needs to breathe for at least 12 hours.

I will try to write more about my panic tomorrow. Now I am going to enjoy an evening with my husband.

Love, Nea

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A picture from our evening walk with Zelda.

One of those days.

On By NeaIn Everyday life, Life, Mental Health, Oracle, ZeldaLeave a comment

Good morning,

Today is one of those days when it’s just hard to get up out of bed. But I have made myself a promise. Never give up. Never. So I forced myself out of bed. Got dressed, feed the dogs and went out with the dogs. Ate breakfast. And decided that I should share with you.

If you are having a bad day, just remember is just a bad day. Remember all the good things in your life. I remember my wonderful husband that always are there for me. My two amazing dogs. My supporting family. My outstanding friends.

Because I have my dogs, I need to go out with the dogs. I need to feed them. Because they need me. This is one of the things that make me never give up. Never give in.

I don’t have a bad life, but sometimes I have bad days. Sometimes I have a couple of bad days in a row. But I will never give up. And it is always okay to ask for help.

I hope you all will have an amazing day. And never ever stop fighting.

Love, Nea

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The dogs on this mornings walk.

A regular Thursday

On By NeaIn Everyday life, Life, Oracle, ZeldaLeave a comment

Good morning,

Today it’s Thursday and soon it will be the weekend. I am still sick and I have no real strength to get things done. The dogs think I am boring because I don’t play as much with them as I usually do. But they love to cuddle with me.

On the morning walk, they found blueberries. They ate a lot of them and it gave me some time to just take a breath and enjoy being outside. It was a quiet morning walk. We just saw one neighbour in a distant.

Today I don’t really know what I am going to do. What I really should be doing is:

  1. Laundry
  2. Empty the dishwasher
  3. Fill the dishwasher and start it
  4. Vacuum the house
  5. Read the three chapters I have to read before Monday’s

But what I want to do is:

  1. Lay on the couch and watch Netflix.
  2. Sleep
  3. Take a photo for my header here on the blog.
  4. Cuddle with the dogs.
  5. Write some more posts on this blog.

Maybe I could do a little bit of both. Now it’s time for breakfast.

Have an amazing day and don’t forget you are all fantastic!

Love, Nea

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Zelda and Oracle eating blueberries on this mornings walk.

Still sick!

On By NeaIn Life, Oracle, Zelda2 Comments

Good morning,

I am still sick. But I am trying to do the best of the situation. Will be having a quiet day at home today too. My husband is at work. The dogs are both sleeping. Zelda is sleeping in the armchair and Oracle is sleeping on the back of the sofa.

Today I will start reading my course literature for my statistics classes that start on Monday. I want to be prepared for my first lecture. And I will try to get some writing done as well. I have so many ideas in my head that need to get out of my head and on to paper.

Right now I have a problem tear myself from Netflix. I am looking at Chesapeake Shores. I kind of love the series, and I have looked at almost 1,5 seasons in two days. This is what I do when I am sick. Just taking it easy and watching Netflix. So that is what I will continue doing now.

Have a wonderful day,

Love, Nea.

How Oracle and Zelda are both sleeping right now. ❤