Today the first snow of the season fell. It was so beautiful and we took the morning walk with the dogs in it. I just love snow. But of course, it melted away when it hit the ground. But the cold weather is coming this week and I hope we get a proper white Christmas and winter this year.
I spent the weekend studying for my exam on Friday. I really need this exam to go well. And I also have a presentation on Tuesday that is very important for me because it is in front of some people who works for the company I want to work for in the future.
Yesterday evening my husband and I went to two different cemeteries to light candles for our loved one who is no longer with us. It is a tradition to do once a year. I have heard it is called All Saints’ Day in English, but I don’t know if it is true. It is so beautiful with all the candles lit at the cemeteries. And we visited the grave of a where special person, a family friend, who died when I was studying in Edinburgh. I have not had the courage to visit his grave since I came home. But yesterday I did and we left a candle burning on his grave. I cried and got to say my goodbye for real. Because it became real when I saw his name. He really is gone. And he is missed.
I just wanted to stop by with this short post and let you know that I am still alive, but I can’t guarantee I will be able to post anything this week. Maybe next weekend. I need to study for my exam. I wish you all a fantastic week.
I been away from this blog for a couple of weeks now, and the reason is that I have not had the time or energy to write anything. I been studying for at least 50 hours a week. It has drained my energy and I still have all the other “normal” things to do. Like housework and try and spend time with my husband and dogs. I am stressed almost every hour and sleep where badly. This affects my anxiety, so I am really not feeling myself.
I am fighting to keep my mood up and keep on going. I know that it is going to be a couple of more hard weeks and then I hope it is going to be better. If not, well then I just need to keep going anyway. I am a fighter and I am so close to getting my degree. I am not going to fall down on the finish line.
But good news, the renovation on the new house is going forward and we hope to be able to move in this year. I am hoping on November, but I been an optimist before.
Now I really need to go back to studying. I just wanted to let you all know I am alive. I wish you all an amazing week.
Yesterday did not go as planed at all. My parents where suppose to have the dogs until tonight, but my mum was not feeling well. So we had the dogs home over the evening and the night. Today my parents have the dogs over the day and then after Uni today I am getting them back. My parents are helping us with the dogs a lot and I am so grateful for it. But my mind was so set on a evening alone, without no dogs and no husband. Now I got a evening with the dogs. And a very grumpy Oracle. She was so mad at me yesterday.
It all began when my mum was cutting Oracles claws and she accidentally cut too much, so there was a lot of blood. Blood on the floor, on the dog and well it felt like everywhere. I know I am exaggerating, but I have a problem with blood, I get lightheaded and I have passed out. This might sound strange, but if it is a stranger that’s bleeding I can handle it, but if it is someone I care about, I can’t. At least not if I am not alone with the one that bleeds. I know this is so weird, but it’s just how it is. I think it might have something to do with my anxiety. Like it triggers something in me. Maybe some kind of fears to lose someone I care about.
Any how, after that the bleeding would not stop, not for long at least because Oracle wanted to lick her paws clean. So it started bleeding again. So we had to put a bandage on Oracles paw and then a kind of protective sock. She hates this. It makes her grumpy and she was showing me her feelings about it the whole evening. It is hard to tell a dog that it is for her best, even though I feel like she understands most things that I tell her, I know we have different opinions about this. I hope she will be less grumpy this evening. I just want to cuddle down under a blanket on the sofa and maybe get some writing done. And I hope that the dogs want to cuddle down with me. But we will just have to see.
Today my friends and I are hoping to get our project finished so we can have a day at home on Monday to study for our exam. So please keep your fingers crossed for us. Now I really need to get to it. I will try and take time to write here soon again.
I have a very stressful couple of weeks behind me and infront of me. It feels like all my time is spent on campus working on a project or driving to campus. I put in around 9 hours a day studying and about 2-3 hours driving to and from campus. I miss spending time with my dogs and my family. And I really miss spending time with my husband. Some days it seems like we don’t see each other at all. He has his plate full with work and renovating the new house. We hope we can move in before winter, but it is a slow process and he is also pulling long hours at work. So we will just have to see how it goes. I know that I will at least have a full scheduled with Uni the coming weeks.
I haven’t posted here very little and I hope that I can change that. Maybe I need to spend some time this weekend and write a couple of post and schedule them. I hate to see my blog so empty of new updates. I have so many things I want to share with you. Like my shopping on EMP-Shop and what is happening in my life.
Right now I am sitting on campus waiting for my friends to start our project that is due on Tuesday. They should be here any minute so I really need to end this post now.. But I am so happy that autumn is finally here. With the beautiful leaves and the crisp are. All I want to do is drink hot Coco and read a good book. Maybe I will get a bit of time for that this weekend.
Today my last semester at this University starts, or at least the last planed semester. I am thinking about taking one more semester at uni, maybe not this university. I am going to try and get a meeting with my student counselor and look at the course I want to take.
One of the songs that motivates me right now.
I only have afternoon lectures today, two of them. And the last one ends at six this evening, which means I won’t be home until earliest 7. It’s going to be a long day and I am kind of nervous. This might sound strange, I mean this is my uni, where I already gone for four semesters. But since I went my 5th semester abroad and now I am back here in Sweden, it feels kind of weird. I mean, I am not really the same woman that left Sweden. I feel like I have grown a lot and I know more of what I want in life.
I have always loved my uni, but I loved the Heriot-Watt University as well, and I know I will miss it. But it is really nice to do my last semester here in Sweden. I am looking forward to Autumn and yesterday morning I could almost smell the Autumn in the air. It was cold and crisp. This morning I almost wanted to go inside again because I thought it was so cold, but Zelda was happy just walking and sniffing on everything.
One of the motivating songs I listen to today.
Oracle went with my husband to work earlier this morning and I am dropping Zelda of there on the way to campus. This way I am not alone at home with my nerves, but I do not have to deal with two dogs when I am packing everything up. Plus Oracle gets some extra time alone with my husband, which she really needs.
I can feel my anxiety levels are kind of high right now and it helps me a lot that I have Zelda here at home with me. She is sitting next to me on the sofa right now and the music also helps. I am trying my best to keep myself from spiraling and keep myself grounded. I know I can do this. I also know that I have my husband just a phone call away if I need to talk, which also helps. But now I am going to get ready for my lectures today.
It’s Monday again and this week I really need to get motivated. My term at Uni starts tomorrow. My last term before I get my Bachelors exam. It is kind of scary and I feel a lot of pressure (from myself) to do good this term. I mean, I want to get my Bachelor and find a job.
So this weeks quote is to motivate me, because I am not going to give up.
I hope this motivates you, because it motivates me. I am not somebody who gives up. And I am not going to do so now.
So today I am going to try and energize myself for this weeks lectures and classes, because I know it is going to be a though and full-booked week. Tomorrow I have two lectures both 2 hours long. On Wednesday I am also having two lectures that are 2 hours long. On Thursday I am having one lecture that is 3 hours long. And on Friday I am having a group introduction thing for a big group project, and this one is 2 hours long.
I am so glad that we bought a car last week, so I won’t have to borrow a car from my family or go in with my husband early in the morning and spend my day all day at campus. Now I can just go in to my lectures and things and then go home. This means I won’t have to spend an extra of 5 hours a day at campus.
I have already eaten breakfast, been out with the dogs on a morning walk and taken some photos on them and written a grocery store list, but now I need to do some studying and fix a lot of things for tomorrow.
I wish you all an amazing week and just remember; you are not a quitter and you are strong!
It’s Monday again. I don’t really know where last week went. It feels like it was Monday like two days ago. Maybe that is just me..
This morning I remembered that I will go two courses this term, not just one. This is because I will be writing my Bachelors Paper this term. And this gave me a mini-freak-out. I mean I was going to need to keep my eyes on two schedules and be orginized. For those who know me know I am not really orginized. I just fake beeing orginized. So today I really needed a motivational quote to keep fighting and not be overwhelmed. I found this one:
So that is exactly what I am going to do. I am going to be tougher, because I know I can do this. Even if it sometimes feels hopeless I know I am stronger than I think. And I know you are too. Just do as I and think about everything you have done so far and what you have survived. You have survived all the bad days in your life and it has made you stronger.
Now I am going to make a gameplan for how I will be tougher, because next week uni starts again. And I will be ready for it. I wish you an kick-ass week.
Yesterday I had my Introduction to Law Exam. It was in one of the two new exam halls, that opened this summer at my university. It was really nice and I am actually looking forward to having more exams there. I am not completely sure how the exam went for me, but I did my best. And with two sick dogs for the last week (the dogs are feeling better today) and not that much time to study because of it, I have to be okay with that. If I need to take the exam again I just have to.
Zelda on this mornings walk.
My parents took care of the dogs when I took the exam, and my husband drove me. Which was nice. He is really busy right now, with the new house and work. Next week he is going to go away for work, and he will be gone almost the whole week. But it is the kind of project he loves to do, so that is nice.
Today I have a cloudy head. I don’t really know how to explain it any other way. What I mean is that it feels kind of fluffy in there. Like I’m not completely awake. I usually gets like this after an exam. I think it might have something to do with the fact that for 4 hours yesterday my brain had to work really hard and it needs a break for a while now.
Oracle chilling on the sofa.
So today my head and I have washed clothes (four full machines), done the dishes and vacuumed the house. I also had a kind of happy dance in the living room, because why not. It is important to enjoy life. Sometimes the best is to dance like nobody is watching. And if a neighbor saw, lets say I don’t care. I had a great time.
I have also started reading a new book today. Nora Roberts book The Collector. I have never read it before, but Nora Roberts is one of my favorite writers. The book is real good so far, and I have to admit I have read about halfway through so far. It is hard to put down.
My husband is going to be home late today. He is at my brother and sister-in-law and helping them. I could have gone with, but with the dogs still not all okay and my head cloudy I just don’t really think I am the best company. So instead I will cuddle down in the sofa with the dogs and continue reading.
Do you ever have a week that is like a roller coaster? I have had that kind of week.. Its been so many amazing moments, some kind of life changing, and then some really lows. And I want to share this with you. I think it’s kind of important to talk about my low points, but also the high points in my life.
So if I start with last Saturday. I had an amazing day. Kind of life changing for me, because I did something I have never done before. And to be honest its something kind of crazy. Or I don’t really think it is crazy, but I know that a lot of people around me will find this crazy. I dyed my hair pink. Or I got help from my lovely sister-in-law Felicia. She is really amazing.
The color in my hair.
So now I have pink hair and I love it. This is something I been wanting to do since I was like 11-12 years old, but I have never in my whole life dyed my hair. This is not an ad, but for you who wonders I used Arctic Fox’s Virgin Pink on my unbleached hair. And the result is what you see down below. So now I have pink hair and I love it. This is something I been wanting to do since I was like 11-12 years old, but I have never in my whole life dyed my hair.
The reason why I chose Arctic Fox is because: Arctic Fox is vibrant, cruelty-free, vegan semi-permanent hair (taken from Arctic Fox Website). (NOT AN AD).
My hair when its been dyed. I love it so much!
Then on Sunday I had a kind of dip, because I had some minor panic attacks and actually did not feel so secure in our house. I don’t really know what happen except I had some flashbacks, that triggered anxiety in me. But my husband helped me through it.
Monday was an amazing day. We officially got the keys to our new house. I have been keeping quiet about this for a long time, because it been some uncertainties, but now it is ours. So we (read my husband) is going to do some renovating and then we plan on moving in the end of summer, if everything goes according to our plans. I will write more about the house later, because it is really special for me.
Our new house!!
Then on Tuesday, my husband helped his brother moving into his farm, and he was gone the entire day and long into the night. I am starting to get used to my husband being back at work, but then he is usually back at home by 6 pm, but he was not back until after midnight and I had a bad day with panic attacks and anxiety so it was kind of a bad day for me. But a really good day for my brother-in-law to finally move in to the farm.
I also got the my grades on Thursday. My grades for my time in Edinburgh. I been waiting on them for some time and I have been kind of nervous about how it has gone. But I am so happy. I got two A:s and two B:s. I ended up crying some and also doing a happy dance.
Then on Wednesday was so and so day. Kind of boring, but kind of okay. My cold came back, so I spent most of my day under a blanket on the sofa with our two dogs reading books and watching JAG.
Thursday my husband started working some on our new house, or more on our new house. And found that the floor in the room that is going to be our bedroom has an old wooden floor under the carpet. It is untreated so we can probably do something fun with it. Hopefully it is like that under the carpet in the room that will be our office as well.
Then yesterday was both really good day and a kind of hard day. I found out that my name change has gone through, so now I have my husbands last name. I know its been almost one year since we got married, but because everything in Edinburgh was in my maiden name, we decided to wait until we moved home again for me to change. But I am so happy to finally have his last name.
And then in the evening I had flashbacks and anxiety. It was not funny at all, and I had moments I was so scared. My dogs helped a lot and when my husband came home it helped as well. But I slept really bad and today I feel like a zombie, and I am wondering if I should get some sleep.
Today my husband is helping my brother-in-law with some moving as well. Hopefully they will get the last things moved today, but I don’t really know. I am currently home alone with the dogs and it feels okay, which means that I am starting to feel better. One thing I can say is that you can’t let your bad days or moments bring you down. Concentrate on the good things in your life.
This is a post I have wanted to write for a while, but have not really had the time to do. It is about my amazing friend Cat. This Thankful Tuesday post is about her.
The first few weeks of living in Edinburgh was kind of hard for me. I was scared. Would I fit in? Would I find some friends? What would people thinking about someone my age studying abroad?
And in one of my classes, in the first week, we had a quiz about how much we knew about Scotland. The class was a class about Scotland and it’s history, so it was appropriate. Anyway we needed to be divided into teams and I did not know anyone in the class, but I ended up in the same team as Cat and two other people. I am bad, but I really don’t remember there names.. All I can say is I am so happy that I got to be in a team with her, because it was the start of our friendship. Ever after that day, Cat and I sat together in our class and she encouraged me and helped me with finding my place in Scotland then she could ever understand.
Cat’s wonderful dog Yet! 😍
Fast forward to the week we was leaving Edinburgh, we had decided to meet up and say good bye and she gave us a present. Typical Scottish things and toys for our dogs. I was speechless. I had not expected anything like that. She is just so thoughtful. And after spending a few hours together and after we got to meet both her wonderful dog Jet and her fiance Cameron we had to say goodbye. It was really hard, she has definitely made my stay abroad so much better.
Cat is an amazing person and we have so much in common. And she always make me laugh. I am so thankful to be able to call her my friend. And I really hope she and I can keep in touch and continue being friends even though we live so far from each other.
The Not So Secret Diary of Nea 