Category: Travle

Confusing emotions

On By NeaIn About me, Anxiety, Depression, Edinburgh, Great Britain, Heriot-Watt University, Life, Love, Mental Health, Panic attacks, Study Abroad, Travle, UniversityLeave a comment

I don’t really know where to start writing today. Last week was a amazing. My mother, brother, sister-in-law and nephew came to Edinburgh for a visit. They arrived on Wednesday and left on Saturday. I got to show them my university and where we live. We also took them for a visit to Edinburgh zoo.. And spent a day walking around in Edinburgh. I was so happy to have them here and I was so grateful that they took the time to come and visit us. I have missed them like crazy. And even though I was sad that my father and dogs where not here I was very happy.

On Saturday when we said goodbye on the airport I thought I was going to break down completely, but my husband helped me through it. He reminded me that we are going to be back in Sweden in two months time and that I now need to concentrate on the last parts of my studying here. I have two exams and an essay left to write. He helped cheer me up and we took a day just spending time together watching on things on Netflix and cuddling in the couch. Just what I needed.

Then on Sunday it was my birthday. We took a couple of walks and spend time together. I was feeling sick, so we took it quiet easy. I love my husband so much. One of the reasons is because he always makes me feel better and knows how to make the best of every day. He knows I been going through a couple of hard weeks with my mental health and he helps me through it.

Yesterday was a really bad day. I was sick with fever and headache, spending the whole day in bed, trying to get better. Then in the afternoon we found out that a family friend had passed away. It has really shaken me up. And I know he has been sick for sometime, but I just can’t get my head around it. It also feels wrong that I probably won’t be able to attend his funeral.

This last week has me feeling some confusing emotions and I don’t really know what to do about it. I am happy and sad at the same time. Happy for the visit, happy about my birthday with my husband and sad about my friend. And I am still sick… I am sorry if this post is strange and not something you want to read. I just needed to write it to work through it.

I hope you have an fantastic Wednesday and please take care of one an other. Be nice and appreciate the people in your life.

Love, Nea

Spring Break

On By NeaIn A, About me, Anxiety, Depression, Edinburgh, Great Britain, Heriot-Watt University, Life, Love, Mental Health, Panic attacks, Study Abroad, Studying, Travle, UniversityLeave a comment

As of this Monday, I have Spring Break. Monday was a really good day. I handed in an essay and got the grad for two other essays I have done. I got an A on both of them.

But right now I am going trough a rough patch. I should be out exploring the city with my husband. Instead I am sitting in the couch writing. Because it helps me with all the feelings that I have right now. My husband is amazing and supportive, but I know it’s hard for him seeing me like this. He is doing his best to get me out of my funk. But I feel so tired. All I want to do is sleep, but when I sleep I sleep bad. I am anxious and I don’t know how to explain it.

I am working on getting better. But the stress from the last week of school is getting to me. I hope that I will feel better soon, I want to see more of what Edinburgh has to offer. And next week we will get a visit from my mother, brother, nephew and sister-in-law. I am looking forward to it. I haven’t seen them since the beginning of January.. More then 3 months.

One of the reasons why I haven’t been active here in a while is school work and that I have been feeling drained. I hope you understand that. I want to write more. I want to share more of my feelings and what is happening in my life. And I hope I can do that.

Now I am going to go back to writing and listening to music. My husband is working so I don’t want to get in his way.

I hope you all have an amazing week and if you are going through a rough patch: Please Keep Fighting. Never Give Up!!

Information day and First Lecture

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Edinburgh, Mental Health, Panic attacks, Study Abroad, Studying, Travle, UniversityLeave a comment

I haven’t had the time to update you on my progress. Yesterday was a long day for me. I was so nervous and I am so thankful for my wonderful husband for trying his best to keep me calm.

We took an early bus to the University, it took about 20 minutes, and I thought it was a pain in my ass. I hate riding the bus, it always gives me anxiety, because you sit with so many other persons, that may have a lot of perfume on or be smokers, and you really have to trust the driver. But we got there in one piece and we got some time to find the place where my first meeting of the day was.

After a day of Information and Enrollment, it was finally time to go home, with the bus, again. It went a little better this time and I actually had some energy when we got back to our little apartment, which made me happy. we stayed in and I got to talk some with my parents, my brother and his fiancee and their son, via Facetime. It was nice to see them and talk to them. I miss them very much. It was my mothers birthday yesterday and it felt so wrong not to be there and celebrate her. But I figure I have to get her a present here from Edinburgh for when I get home.

Today I had my first Lecture, after lunch. This morning I tried to do a little preparation for the following weeks and mentally prepare myself for the rest of the week. My husband did some work. And after a light lunch, it was time to catch the bus back to Campus and go to my lecture. I just have to say that the lecture was fantastic. The Professor was easy to listen to and the subject was interesting and fun. I am already looking forward to next weeks lecture.

Now I am home in the apartment again and trying to think of something to do. It’s dark outside and my husband is working again. I don’t want to disturb him too much so I think I will just try and find something to do on my computer.

Tomorrow I don’t have any lectures, but I have an International Student Welcome thing in the afternoon. In the morning we will probably go to the nearest Tesco and do some shopping. And then after lunch, I will go into Campus.

Now I am going log on to Pinterest and kill some time. Have an amazing evening. I will try and be better at updating my blog.

Hard couple of DAYS!

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Edinburgh, Great Britain, Life, Love, Mental Health, Panic attacks, picture, Study Abroad, Studying, TravleLeave a comment

Tomorrow is the day that School starts here in Edinburgh for me. It’s scarry and I have wanted to go home since Thursday when we arrived. It feels like something is missing. Like something is wrong… I can’t excplain it better.

I told my husband this and we had a long chat. He was very understanding and supportive. For this I am so greatful. We talked about how I miss the dogs. What makes my anxiety are through the roof. And all my fears right now. And you know what. It feels better now. It doesen’t feel completly fine. But maybe I will get there?!

We took the decision that we are going to give it 2 weeks and then se how I feel. How my mental health is and what I feel like doing. I am not a quiter but these few days I have wanted to go home and be with my dogs. And having my family just a short drive away. Not several hours away with an ocean between.

My reading nook in the apartment

I am sharing this with you becase I want to be honest. Life isn’t always easy and sometimes it’s a real pain in my ass. Days like this I hate my anxiety and panicdisorder. I usually can hold my thoughts and feelings in check. But appearently not right now…

My husband is my greatest supporter and that he believes in me. That I can do this is so helpful. I want to make him proud of me and show everyone els that I am stronger then they think.

I hope you all have an amazing Sunday. We are going to take a quiet evening in the apartment and get ready for tomorrow.

Love, Nea

One week from now…

On By NeaIn About me, Anxiety, Edinburgh, Study Abroad, TravleLeave a comment

I will probably be sitting on the sofa in our apartment in Edinburgh. Early Thursday next week we are being driven to the airport. And I haven’t started packing yet. This is starting to stress me… I thought I had a lot more time. The last couple of weeks have gone by so fast.

Today I have washed a lot of clothes and I need to wash a whole lot more. I have the bags at least. We bought 3 new bags a couple of months ago, but I need to buy luggage tags for them.

Do anyone have any good packing tips? I hate packing and I feel like I always miss something when I pack. I started writing a packing list a couple of months ago and I think our bags will be full. I was wondering if I should buy more bags, but we are already taking tree large bags that we are going to check in and we are each going to have a carry-on bag.

Now I have to go and hang laundry. Have an fantastic Thursday evening!

Love, Nea

Last day at Campus

On By NeaIn About me, Anxiety, Christmas, Christmas Countdown, Depression, Edinburgh, Great Britain, Life, Love, Mental Health, Panic attacks, picture, quotes, Study Abroad, Studying, Thankful, Travle, UniversityLeave a comment

Yesterday I had my last day at campus, here in Sweden before I go to Edinburgh. It has been a hard week so far. And I am so thankful for my friends at campus for helping me through this tough week. I think that it’s more real now that we are moving. Moving away from my dogs, my family and my friends. It has always been like months away, and now its just a couple of weeks. I am looking forward to studying abroad, but I know I will miss everyone at home. 

I have always dreamed about studying in another country. But with my depression, anxiety and panic attacks I never thought I would be possible. Now, thanks to my wonderful husband’s support and the help from my family I am finally going. 

I know that I am stronger than I think. I know I can do anything I want to do and I also know that my dogs are going to be well taken care of while I am gone. And this is a quote that I try to remember.

Picture taken buy me and the quote is by: H. Jackson Brown Jr.

I missed posting a few of my planned Christmas Countdown post this week, just because I have had these bad days. But I will post them soon. 

Have an fantastic Friday!

Love, Nea

My wedding day

On By NeaIn A, Great Britain, Life, Love, Okategoriserade, Travle, WeddingLeave a comment

A and I eloped. We didn’t want to have a big party where everyone was looking at us when we exchanged our vows. So we did it legally in Sweden at the city hall in Örebro. It took about 10 minutes and our witnesses were my brother, my sister-in-law and my nephew. My brother found out the day before that he was going to witness our wedding. But this is not what we count as our wedding day. My sister-in-law had known about our wedding since September last year, because she helped me with finding my dream dress and planing so they could come with us to England.

We had our real wedding 13 days later, the date that we have in our rings, in Wales in Great Britain. My brother and sister-in-law were our witnesses this time too. It was just us four. And my brother was taking the photos. We had our private ceremony in a grove. It was perfect and everything I wanted it to be. My husbands vow where amazing and I cried. I will remember this day forever.

It was all just what I wanted it to be. And I am really pleased with how we were true to ourselves and did it our way. Our parents got a text in the evening on our wedding day, with a picture and we wrote like: so this happened on our vacation.

We have gotten mixed responses on our wedding, but for the most part, it has been positive.

We had a wedding party to celebrate with our family and friends last Friday. I will write more about it later. And I know I will write more about our wedding later too. It’s one of the best days of my life..

Have an amazing day!

Love, Nea

 

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