Tag: University

Moody monday

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Everyday life, Life, Mental Health, Oracle, Panic attacks, Studying, University, ZeldaLeave a comment

Today is a hard day for me. The thoughts in my head are spinning around and I don’t feel like I can get a grip on them. I have tried to do something all day. But I feel like a balloon that the air has left.

I want to crawl back in bed and read a good book or just sleep. And the dogs went back to doggie-daycare this morning. So I have been home alone until I went to campus now in the afternoon. I had a late lecture. And I had to fight with my mind to get there. But I did it. I didn’t give up. And I could stay the whole lecture.

After the lecture, I went to pick up the dogs at daycare. My husband dropped them off this morning. Oracle and Zelda were really happy to see me.

Now I am just trying to calm down and breath. I have a long day tomorrow too and every other day this week. But I am a fighter.

Have an amazing evening.

Love, Nea

Finally Thursday

On By NeaIn About me, Anxiety, Everyday life, Life, Mental Health, Panic attacks, UniversityLeave a comment

I finally went to campus today. It was nice to go back, even if I could have stayed home in bed a couple of days more. But I only had a 2 hours lecture where we went through old exam questions. I had some minor panic feelings in the car on my way to campus, but I could handle them. One reason for my feelings was that my sunglasses broke and I really needed them. But I just turned around and get myself a cap instead so I could drive to campus. I hadn’t gotten very far from home when I turned around.

I have stressed over how behind a must be after being sick and at home the last three days, but when I came to campus today and talked with some of my classmates, I don’t feel as stressed anymore. I will have to study this weekend, but then I will be in sync with the rest of the class. And that feels really good.

Now I am trying to come up with what we are going to eat for the rest of the week. I am going grocery shopping, and that is something I hate doing, because if it is crowded I know I can get a panic attack. I have to fight with my mind so I can shop because I don’t want to send my husband to the store every time we need something. This is something I really need to work on, and a few years ago I would not have been able to do this, but I have my ways of getting it done.

Hope you are all having a wonderful day!

Love, Nea

Wonderful autumn! 🍁

Man cold

On By NeaIn About me, Life, UniversityLeave a comment

I havent been to campus yet this week. I am laying at home with a man cold. I was planing to go to my lecture yesterday. I got up early. Ate breakfast and went back to bed to rest before I needed to go. I woke up half past twelve. My lecture ended twelve oclock.. I had sleept for more than 5 hours.

Today I didnt even try to go to campus. But I am starting to feel better. So fingers crossed that I can go to school tomorrow.

Now I am going to snuggle down with my husband, who is also home sick, and watch some netflix.

Love, Nea

No lazy Saturday for me

On By NeaIn A, Anxiety, Depression, Life, Love, Mental Health, Panic attacks, UniversityLeave a comment

Good afternoon,

Yesterday was a day I just want to forget. The funeral for my grandmother was yesterday and I don’t know what I would have done without my husband. His support got me through the day. I went to campus in the morning for my two lectures and then my husband picked me up and we went to my parents to eat lunch and change into funeral clothes. When we came to the funeral all my instincts screamed: Run as fast as you can.

I really didn’t want to go inside. But my husband took my hand and together we went in. When I saw the coffin all I wanted to do was to fall down, but my husband was there by my side. I cried and I cried. And he gave me tissue after tissue. It was a beautiful ceremony and I think my grandmother would be pleased with it. It was a hard and emotional goodbye for all of us. But I hope and think she is with my grandfather now.

In the evening I was so tired and didn’t feel good at all. So we took a quiet night at home.

This morning I woke up with a fever and a cold. But I had a million things to do, many of them for school. So today I have done some of them and the rest I am doing tomorrow.

I hope you all have a wonderful day,

Love Nea

Dreading tomorrow

On By NeaIn About me, Life, Love, Mental Health, UniversityLeave a comment

Hello Everone,

Tomorrow it’s finally Friday, but tomorrow is a day I been dreading for a couple of weeks. The funeral for my grandmother (my father’s mother) is tomorrow. And I am not really ready to say goodbye yet. She passed away at home in the middle of August and I can still not get my head around it. I miss her and I wish a could tell her again how much we love her and how much she means to me. I am currently writing a post about her and her influence on my life. I am just not sure if I am going to post it here.

Writing has always been therapeutic for me. A chance to express my self without anybody interrupting me. And I can bare myself in a way I can’t if we stood face to face. That’s one of the reasons I created this blog.

But back to tomorrow. I am going to campus early in the morning. Just like today. This morning I got up at half-past four to get to campus on time. And tomorrow I need to leave about a half hour before because we are leaving the dogs at a friends house who is going to have them all day. And my husband is driving me to campus. Then he is going to work for a couple of ours. Then after my two lectures. That ends twelve, we are going to my parent’s house to eat lunch and change, it’s about 45 minutes drive from campus. Then its the funeral. So I don’t think I am going to write anything here tomorrow. I may just take a day off.

Right now I should be studying, but I can’t really get my mind in the right place. I just want to hug my dogs and not think about tomorrow. And I need chocolate.

Love, Nea

Happy Hump Day!

On By NeaIn Everyday life, Life, UniversityLeave a comment

Happy Hump Day!

I am writing this on campus. I am waiting for my next “lecture” to start. In about 2 hours. My first lecture was at 11:15 and now I am trying to study, but there is quite a lot of noise around me. Because this week is the first week of the term the campus is pumping with life and people, all the time. Almost every parking spot is occupied and so are the bike racks.

I am looking forward to this day to end. It is really a hump day for me. The longest school day for this week and I finish at six a clock this evening. And I need to go grocery shopping and pick up my dogs before I am home again. From campus till my house I have about 1 h driving to do. So I am happy if I am home to about 8 a clock this evening.

But this is the life of a student or a worker. I shouldn’t complain. I have a wonderful life and an amazing opportunity to study at university. And I know that when I pick up my dogs they will be happy to see me and they are going to want to snuggle.

My husband is probably working late this evening. But when he gets home we will cook some food and talk about our day. It’s nice to just relax together.

Now the big question is: What are we going to eat tonight? It’s hard to think of something easy. But I will figure it out.

Now I shall try to study some. Have an amazing Hump day!

Love, Nea

Autumn is here to stay!

Second day at campus

On By NeaIn Life, Mental Health, Panic attacks, UniversityLeave a comment

Good afternoon!

Now I had my second day on campus. It went better than yesterday. I meet my wonderful friend Tova and we talked about our classes and she gave me some pointers about the class I am taking right now. She is just wonderful. And always helps me. Also, she always reminds me that I am stronger and smarter then I think.

And then I had a lecture, or not really a lecture. The class of about 100 students are divided into 3 groups and we have time with one of our teaching assistants and we go throw some of the statistics calculations we have in the book or in our booklet. It’s so we learn how to calculate different statistics and their formulas. I am going to have about 2-3 of these a week, for about 8-9 weeks. And I am also going to have 3 lectures a week. And a couple of lab experiments (don’t really know if this is the right word, sorry) in the next 8 weeks.  I am excited and a little scared. Its hard work and I hope this class will be good for me.

Of course, I had some small panic “moments” during the day today, but I don´t let myself get lost in those thoughts or moments. I just keep moving forward. I am trying to always see the bright side of things, and not get caught up in the negative all the time. Its hard sometimes, but you have to try and change your thoughts and not hang out with negative people.

Take care of yourself. And don’t let people pull you down.

Right now I am doing a kind of from home test that I will have the opportunity to do one every week. I have 20 tries per week and the best results are counted together at the end of these 8-9 weeks and I can get points credited for my written exam at the beginning of November.
So the better I am at these test the easier it will be later. But they take time. They call them “Dugga” and I hope you understand what I mean in my explanation. It is not the same questions on every 20 tries. It is different. And I have until tomorrow early morning to finish this one. And I have 10 tries left.

Then on Friday the next Dugga is realised with many more questions and 20 new tries. And I have until Monday morning.

Have a wonderful evening. I need to get back to my Dugga.

Love, Nea

Sunday morning

On By NeaIn About me, Anxiety, Depression, Everyday life, Life, Mental Health, Panic attacks, UniversityLeave a comment

Hello,

Today is the day before my first class of the term. I feel ready, but I am a bit anxious about starting again. As I have previously told I have a problem with a lot of people and I know that every class starts tomorrow so there will be a lot of people on campus tomorrow.  I am afraid of having a panic attack, even though I know that if I do I will be alright. I have my trick for coping. Trying to think of things that make me happy. Looking at pictures. And if I don’t feel safe where I am, I try to get somewhere I feel safer. And if none of these things helps I usually call someone to talk to a bit. Tell them about my problems and we talk til I feel better. More relaxed.

I don’t take any pills for my mental health. Doctors have said that they can write me prescriptions, but I want to overcome this on my own. I don’t look down on people that take pills, I understand them. I am not saying I am stronger or better. I just say that everyone must do their own choices. And maybe one day I will need to take the pills, but not now.

And I can tell you I am on medication for my asthma and my allergies. Just not anything for my depression, anxiety or panic attacks.

If there is anything you want to know. Please ask.

Love, Nea

20180902_085206
Picture from this mornings walk.

One week left

On By NeaIn Life, Oracle, University, ZeldaLeave a comment

Good morning,

I started this morning with a walk with my dogs. And I realized that in one week does my forth semester at Örebro University start. It’s exciting and a little scary. I am studying statistics and law this semester. But my major is business administration.

I love studying, but this summer has been amazing. I don’t really don’t want it to end. This summer I married the love of my life. It’s something I will never forget as long as I will live. And I have sent a lot of time with my wonderful dogs, Oracle and Zelda.

I hope you all an amazing day,

Love, Nea

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Picture taken on our morning walk. The dog on the left is Zelda and the dog on the right is Oracle.