I been away from this blog for a couple of weeks now, and the reason is that I have not had the time or energy to write anything. I been studying for at least 50 hours a week. It has drained my energy and I still have all the other “normal” things to do. Like housework and try and spend time with my husband and dogs. I am stressed almost every hour and sleep where badly. This affects my anxiety, so I am really not feeling myself.
I am fighting to keep my mood up and keep on going. I know that it is going to be a couple of more hard weeks and then I hope it is going to be better. If not, well then I just need to keep going anyway. I am a fighter and I am so close to getting my degree. I am not going to fall down on the finish line.
But good news, the renovation on the new house is going forward and we hope to be able to move in this year. I am hoping on November, but I been an optimist before.
Now I really need to go back to studying. I just wanted to let you all know I am alive. I wish you all an amazing week.
Yesterday did not go as planed at all. My parents where suppose to have the dogs until tonight, but my mum was not feeling well. So we had the dogs home over the evening and the night. Today my parents have the dogs over the day and then after Uni today I am getting them back. My parents are helping us with the dogs a lot and I am so grateful for it. But my mind was so set on a evening alone, without no dogs and no husband. Now I got a evening with the dogs. And a very grumpy Oracle. She was so mad at me yesterday.
It all began when my mum was cutting Oracles claws and she accidentally cut too much, so there was a lot of blood. Blood on the floor, on the dog and well it felt like everywhere. I know I am exaggerating, but I have a problem with blood, I get lightheaded and I have passed out. This might sound strange, but if it is a stranger that’s bleeding I can handle it, but if it is someone I care about, I can’t. At least not if I am not alone with the one that bleeds. I know this is so weird, but it’s just how it is. I think it might have something to do with my anxiety. Like it triggers something in me. Maybe some kind of fears to lose someone I care about.
Any how, after that the bleeding would not stop, not for long at least because Oracle wanted to lick her paws clean. So it started bleeding again. So we had to put a bandage on Oracles paw and then a kind of protective sock. She hates this. It makes her grumpy and she was showing me her feelings about it the whole evening. It is hard to tell a dog that it is for her best, even though I feel like she understands most things that I tell her, I know we have different opinions about this. I hope she will be less grumpy this evening. I just want to cuddle down under a blanket on the sofa and maybe get some writing done. And I hope that the dogs want to cuddle down with me. But we will just have to see.
Today my friends and I are hoping to get our project finished so we can have a day at home on Monday to study for our exam. So please keep your fingers crossed for us. Now I really need to get to it. I will try and take time to write here soon again.
I have a very stressful couple of weeks behind me and infront of me. It feels like all my time is spent on campus working on a project or driving to campus. I put in around 9 hours a day studying and about 2-3 hours driving to and from campus. I miss spending time with my dogs and my family. And I really miss spending time with my husband. Some days it seems like we don’t see each other at all. He has his plate full with work and renovating the new house. We hope we can move in before winter, but it is a slow process and he is also pulling long hours at work. So we will just have to see how it goes. I know that I will at least have a full scheduled with Uni the coming weeks.
I haven’t posted here very little and I hope that I can change that. Maybe I need to spend some time this weekend and write a couple of post and schedule them. I hate to see my blog so empty of new updates. I have so many things I want to share with you. Like my shopping on EMP-Shop and what is happening in my life.
Right now I am sitting on campus waiting for my friends to start our project that is due on Tuesday. They should be here any minute so I really need to end this post now.. But I am so happy that autumn is finally here. With the beautiful leaves and the crisp are. All I want to do is drink hot Coco and read a good book. Maybe I will get a bit of time for that this weekend.
Today my last semester at this University starts, or at least the last planed semester. I am thinking about taking one more semester at uni, maybe not this university. I am going to try and get a meeting with my student counselor and look at the course I want to take.
One of the songs that motivates me right now.
I only have afternoon lectures today, two of them. And the last one ends at six this evening, which means I won’t be home until earliest 7. It’s going to be a long day and I am kind of nervous. This might sound strange, I mean this is my uni, where I already gone for four semesters. But since I went my 5th semester abroad and now I am back here in Sweden, it feels kind of weird. I mean, I am not really the same woman that left Sweden. I feel like I have grown a lot and I know more of what I want in life.
I have always loved my uni, but I loved the Heriot-Watt University as well, and I know I will miss it. But it is really nice to do my last semester here in Sweden. I am looking forward to Autumn and yesterday morning I could almost smell the Autumn in the air. It was cold and crisp. This morning I almost wanted to go inside again because I thought it was so cold, but Zelda was happy just walking and sniffing on everything.
One of the motivating songs I listen to today.
Oracle went with my husband to work earlier this morning and I am dropping Zelda of there on the way to campus. This way I am not alone at home with my nerves, but I do not have to deal with two dogs when I am packing everything up. Plus Oracle gets some extra time alone with my husband, which she really needs.
I can feel my anxiety levels are kind of high right now and it helps me a lot that I have Zelda here at home with me. She is sitting next to me on the sofa right now and the music also helps. I am trying my best to keep myself from spiraling and keep myself grounded. I know I can do this. I also know that I have my husband just a phone call away if I need to talk, which also helps. But now I am going to get ready for my lectures today.
It’s Monday again and this week I really need to get motivated. My term at Uni starts tomorrow. My last term before I get my Bachelors exam. It is kind of scary and I feel a lot of pressure (from myself) to do good this term. I mean, I want to get my Bachelor and find a job.
So this weeks quote is to motivate me, because I am not going to give up.
I hope this motivates you, because it motivates me. I am not somebody who gives up. And I am not going to do so now.
So today I am going to try and energize myself for this weeks lectures and classes, because I know it is going to be a though and full-booked week. Tomorrow I have two lectures both 2 hours long. On Wednesday I am also having two lectures that are 2 hours long. On Thursday I am having one lecture that is 3 hours long. And on Friday I am having a group introduction thing for a big group project, and this one is 2 hours long.
I am so glad that we bought a car last week, so I won’t have to borrow a car from my family or go in with my husband early in the morning and spend my day all day at campus. Now I can just go in to my lectures and things and then go home. This means I won’t have to spend an extra of 5 hours a day at campus.
I have already eaten breakfast, been out with the dogs on a morning walk and taken some photos on them and written a grocery store list, but now I need to do some studying and fix a lot of things for tomorrow.
I wish you all an amazing week and just remember; you are not a quitter and you are strong!
Yesterday I had my Introduction to Law Exam. It was in one of the two new exam halls, that opened this summer at my university. It was really nice and I am actually looking forward to having more exams there. I am not completely sure how the exam went for me, but I did my best. And with two sick dogs for the last week (the dogs are feeling better today) and not that much time to study because of it, I have to be okay with that. If I need to take the exam again I just have to.
Zelda on this mornings walk.
My parents took care of the dogs when I took the exam, and my husband drove me. Which was nice. He is really busy right now, with the new house and work. Next week he is going to go away for work, and he will be gone almost the whole week. But it is the kind of project he loves to do, so that is nice.
Today I have a cloudy head. I don’t really know how to explain it any other way. What I mean is that it feels kind of fluffy in there. Like I’m not completely awake. I usually gets like this after an exam. I think it might have something to do with the fact that for 4 hours yesterday my brain had to work really hard and it needs a break for a while now.
Oracle chilling on the sofa.
So today my head and I have washed clothes (four full machines), done the dishes and vacuumed the house. I also had a kind of happy dance in the living room, because why not. It is important to enjoy life. Sometimes the best is to dance like nobody is watching. And if a neighbor saw, lets say I don’t care. I had a great time.
I have also started reading a new book today. Nora Roberts book The Collector. I have never read it before, but Nora Roberts is one of my favorite writers. The book is real good so far, and I have to admit I have read about halfway through so far. It is hard to put down.
My husband is going to be home late today. He is at my brother and sister-in-law and helping them. I could have gone with, but with the dogs still not all okay and my head cloudy I just don’t really think I am the best company. So instead I will cuddle down in the sofa with the dogs and continue reading.
Today I don’t have any lectures so I will spend the day trying to find good academic articles for essays. I need so many and I might only have about 3 that are good enough so far. But I am not giving up I will find some really good and write kick-ass essays. Or at least do my best. And that is good enough.
The plan for today was from the beginning to go to a shopping center about 22 minutes with bus from here and try and find a spring jacket for me, but my feets hurt and I don’t really feel like walking around shopping then. But we will see I might change my mind later.
But today is a good day and I want to share my happy song right now. Its Simple by Florida Georgia Line. It makes me want to sing and dance. A real happy song.
So, time to find those articles. Have an amazing Friday!
My life revolves round tutorials, lectures and essays right now. I am trying to spend as much time as possible with my schoolwork. As much possible without losing my mind.
Right now I am so tired. I would like to crawl into bed and sleep until tomorrow. But I really need to work on two of my essays. When we got home for about an hour ago we just dropped off our things and I changed out of my “School clothes” and into something more relaxing. Then we took a walk along the river of Leith. Just to unwind a bit.
Now I am trying to motivate myself to look up academic articles for my essays. I need to find about 20 different articles. And I might only have 2 good so far. But I am working on that.
I know this was probably a boring update, but I want to be better at sharing my life. And this is my life right now.
So I have been MIA for a while now. I have been stressing over my first assignment that I turned in last week. Then I have taken a much-needed break, from all.
On Friday my husband and I had a date night. We didn’t do anything special on Valentines Day, because I had a late class and I was so tired when I got home. So we made up for that on Friday instead. We went to Giant Lanterns of China on Edinburgh Zoo. It was amazing and breathtaking. I took so many pictures with my camera and we had a really nice time. It was so worth how tired I was when we got back to the apartment. And I would definitely go to that again if I ever got the chance. We already started talking about going back to the Zoo this spring to see the animals. I have heard nothing but good things about Edinburgh Zoo and I hope that all I heard is true. I am not really a fan of keeping animals in cages. There are like two Zoos in Sweden that I actually like, but that’s just because I know how well treated the animals are and I know that animals are not being treated like housepets, but kept wild.
On Sunday we took a two hours walk around the outskirts of Edinburgh. We got pretty high up and had an amazing view of Edinburgh. It was an amazing day to just relax and be in nature.
Today I have no lectures so it will be a study day. I have 4 essays left to write before spring break and a lot of reading. I have been awake now for over an hour, but I am letting my husband sleep in. He could really need it. I have been sleeping bad and having anxiety, and I know that he sleeps badly when I feel like this.
Now I am going to try and get something done and not just sit here on the couch. Have an amazing Hump Day! I will try and get better on updating the blog.
The Not So Secret Diary of Nea 