I have had migrens since Tuesday. Thats why I didn´t post a Throwback Thursday post yesterday, But I am starting to feel better now.
Teusday was a wierd day. That morning on my way to campus I almost hit a deer (roe deer). One came running out of the woods and ran in front of the car. I hit the brakes and the car skid a bit and I saw how close I was to hitting the deer. And then another deer came running out of the woods and the lorry that came from the other direction almost hit that one.
I am so glad that I didn’t hit the deer and after I was so shaky. But it was alright and I came to campus in time for my class.
And then when I got home in the afternoon I got a message that Wednesday’s class was cancelled because the professor is sick. So I didn’t have any more classes on campus for the week. It felt so weird. But when the migraine kick in I was glad to not miss any lectures because of it.
Today I am going to post the last Fangirl Friday post for a while. At least until after Christmas. Tomorrow starts Christmas Countdown, as I have written before.
It’s Sunday and another week has passed. We are getting closer and closer to Christmas and I wish it would snow outside. But we are stuck with 8 degrees Celsius and cloudy weather. I have just seen the sun for a couple of hours this week.
As you know I been home sick this week. All week, so I have missed the first two lectures of my new course, but I have maxing friends that have sent me their notes. And this week last two classes were cancelled because the professor got sick. And that’s fine by me because that means I hopefully am not sick when they are rescheduled.
If you read my post from Monday night, you know my husband had to go to the Emergency Room, but the doctors think it was just his cold and fever that was the problem. He is still not okay. And I am actually still worried about him. He hates going to the doctor, but I feel like I might have to convince him to go next week if he doesn’t get better.
Oracle and Zelda on a walk this week
I got some amazing news on Tuesday afternoon, but I will share that with you in another post later on. Right now I just want to keep it secret for a little while longer. But it’s about the same thing that I wrote a post about for a couple of weeks ago. You can read it here.
And as you might have read on Wednesday, my husband and I had been together for 12 years that day. We did not calibrate because we both were sick so we will do that another day.
My husband and I in autumn 2007.
Friday I went to my grandmother’s house to start going through the things that we are dividing between my father, my uncle, my brother and me. My grandmother passed away in August, and my father and uncle have been going through her house for about two months now dividing things between them and now they thought it was my brother and my time to see if we wanted anything after her and my grandfather. It was really hard being there and going through her things. I miss her so much. But I am thankful for all the memories and that I get to keep some things as a memory after her. I am going back today to look at some more things and see my uncle.
And this afternoon my husband and I are eating dinner with my mother, my father, my brother, my sister-in-law and my nephew at my parent’s apartment.
I also got the news on Friday, that I passed my Statistic Exam. I am so happy. Now I can focus fully on my Law course and place the statistic books in my bookshelf. And hopefully, I will never study Statistics again.
We don’t celebrate Halloween in my family. I have never been at a Halloween party as far as I know. But I wouldn’t mind throwing one in the future. But my husband doesn’t find that interesting.
Today I at Campus for half the day. I am meeting my group for our group-assignments that is due on Monday. The I am meeting my husband and we are having lunch together.
This week have so far been kind of hectic. On Monday I had my exam and my husband had surgery. Then yesterday I was at Campus to get assignments for the last two weeks of my statistic course. I have a group-assignment and an individual assignment.
Now I am waiting for my group members. Three really nice women that I haven’t worked with before, but I feel like I am in a really good group.
And if you have Netflix and looking for something to see today. I have heard that this is really good:
This Friday was a busy day. I had an early lecture. Then I drove a friend to the train station. After that, I went to IKEA and bought some things for the bed. Then I went to my parent’s apartment and picked up my father. We went shopping and I drove him home. And all this before noon. Friday was like I said busy because the day wasn’t over there.
On Saturday I woke up early to walk the dogs, eat breakfast and then study before my niece christening. It was a beautiful day and I had a really nice time meeting everyone and taking many pictures. I love photographing and I am looking forward to getting some of the pictures in print. I think a few will make excellent Christmas presents.
Today I slept for a long time and woke up feeling relaxed and not tired. I love the mornings when I don’t need to set an alarm. It’s not often I can do this so I really enjoy the days that are like this.
Today I have been reading a few chapters in my course literature so I am up to speed on the coming lectures. I have also been doing some planning for the following days so I know what I need to do and when. I like having a plan for what’s to come. Even if it doesn’t go exactly as planned. If you are wondering what I am planning: What we are going to eat, How much I need to study this week and when, when the dogs are going to be at doggie daycare and what I want to write about in my posts.
Now I am going to relax with the dogs for a while and read a book. Then I just might study some more.
This morning I woke up at 4 am. And 15 minutes later my alarm went off. It was just to go up and eat breakfast. The reason that I got up so early is that my husband and I drove in together this morning. He starts his job at 7 am in the morning, but it takes an hour to get to campus and we had to drop the dogs at doggie daycare before 7 am.
Now I am sitting at campus listening to a music and trying to motivate myself to study. And wishing that I drank coffee so that I could wake up. But I don’t drink anything with caffeine.
I have been thinking these last days about that I feel like this world is getting more and more hard. We are harder against each other. There is more bullying around us. In school and online. And people are less understanding with other people and their feelings. People are more selfish. I wish that we could spread love and not hate.
I have been told by many people over the last couple of years that my “sickness” is something that makes me the wrong human being to study. That I should stay home. These are things I have never taken to heart.
I know that every one that is fighting against their mental health can overcome it. I have found that taking action is the only thing that helps me with my panic attacks. With this I mean. Do things that you know can and will sett you of. But do it small steps at a time. If you get panic attacks when you shop for groceries. Then go early in the morning or later in the evening, when there are much fewer people in the store. And have as a goal to maybe just by one or two products. And you can, of course, have someone with you as support.
And do this until you are ready to increase the number of products you by. And someday you can shop for an entire week at once.
That is my best advice. Take it slow. But do something to get yourself better. I am not saying that I don´t get panic attacks in the store. Because I do. All the time. But I can handle them better now. And I know that if I am having a rough week then I don’t shop when the stores are the busiest. You have to pick your battles. And right now I am concentrating on finishing my education. And almost all my energy is going to go to all my classes even if I am having a hard day.
This became a longer post than planned. Sorry for the rant.
October. The Month when it really feels like autumn is here. And all I want to do is sit on the couch with a blanket, a good book and a cup of hot chocolate. And some candles burning on the coffee table.
But what I need to do is: Study for my exam that is on the 29 of October. And I also need to do laundry, especially wash my mittens and scarfs. And many more things need to be done. It feels like there are more things than time. I am going through a rough patch right now, as some of you may have understood from my previous posts. And I am stressing out about all the things around me.
Yesterday I had a “normal” day at campus, but when I got home I was exhausted. I slept for about an hour on the sofa with the dogs before I had any energy to get something done.
Today I had an earlier day on campus and after that, I went to a shopping mall and got a christening present for my niece (my husband’s older brothers daughter) that is getting christen on Saturday. Something that had totally fallen out of my mind. And I realised this weekend that we had not gotten her a gift yet.
But on the plus side when I started looking for something to by for her I found the perfect Christmas gift for my nephew (my brother’s son) and also a birthday present for him. His birthday is in February.
Then it hit me. It’s just a couple of months to Christmas. I don’t know where the time has gone. It feels like September just went by without me noticing. Is it me or does time go faster when you get older than it did when you were a child?
Now I am going to study. And then it’s out in the pouring rain to walk the dogs.
Today its Monday and so far it hasn’t been a really good day. It feels like all the things that can go wrong has gone wrong, which really isn’t true. Far from it actually. But I have to admit. I almost just gave up and crawled down in my big, cosy warm bed.
It all started this morning when I woke up. I didn’t feel good. I felt nausea and didn’t have an appetite. But this isn’t new. Its been like this for about a week. The Zelda stole and chewed on a butter knife that was in plastic so it broke. And I had to give her asparagus in case she ate some parts of the butter knife.
Then when I was driving to doggie daycare the care was making some strange noise that worries me so I drove to my brother and he calmed me down. It was nothing serious. I am borrowing my parent’s car at the moment. And the thought of it breaking and possible beeing my falt was just too much.
Now I am sitting on campus and trying to relax before I eat my lunch. And then I have a lecture. I am trying to come up with some waý to make this day better. My goal for today is to turn this day around. Something I know I can do.
Today is a hard day for me. The thoughts in my head are spinning around and I don’t feel like I can get a grip on them. I have tried to do something all day. But I feel like a balloon that the air has left.
I want to crawl back in bed and read a good book or just sleep. And the dogs went back to doggie-daycare this morning. So I have been home alone until I went to campus now in the afternoon. I had a late lecture. And I had to fight with my mind to get there. But I did it. I didn’t give up. And I could stay the whole lecture.
After the lecture, I went to pick up the dogs at daycare. My husband dropped them off this morning. Oracle and Zelda were really happy to see me.
Now I am just trying to calm down and breath. I have a long day tomorrow too and every other day this week. But I am a fighter.
I finally went to campus today. It was nice to go back, even if I could have stayed home in bed a couple of days more. But I only had a 2 hours lecture where we went through old exam questions. I had some minor panic feelings in the car on my way to campus, but I could handle them. One reason for my feelings was that my sunglasses broke and I really needed them. But I just turned around and get myself a cap instead so I could drive to campus. I hadn’t gotten very far from home when I turned around.
I have stressed over how behind a must be after being sick and at home the last three days, but when I came to campus today and talked with some of my classmates, I don’t feel as stressed anymore. I will have to study this weekend, but then I will be in sync with the rest of the class. And that feels really good.
Now I am trying to come up with what we are going to eat for the rest of the week. I am going grocery shopping, and that is something I hate doing, because if it is crowded I know I can get a panic attack. I have to fight with my mind so I can shop because I don’t want to send my husband to the store every time we need something. This is something I really need to work on, and a few years ago I would not have been able to do this, but I have my ways of getting it done.
The Not So Secret Diary of Nea 