I am going on a minivaccation with my mum and nephew today. We are going somewhere that holds some of my best childhood summer memorys.. but I am anxious and are having a small panic episode.
I really don’t want to mess up my nephews vaccation with my mental health. I want him to have fun. This does not mean that I am hiding my problems from him. I have decided that I am going to be open and honest with everyone around me. Includimg my nephew.
I want children to know that sometimes you don’t feel all right and that its okay to get help. I want to teach people everything I wanted to hear or needed to hear when my mental health problems started.. when I was 14-15 years old.
This does not mean that I am going to explain my depression and anxiety to him. But I will talk about it if he asks and be as honest as I can without scaring him.
Now I am going to continue packing. Have a lovely day.
Today my last semester at this University starts, or at least the last planed semester. I am thinking about taking one more semester at uni, maybe not this university. I am going to try and get a meeting with my student counselor and look at the course I want to take.
One of the songs that motivates me right now.
I only have afternoon lectures today, two of them. And the last one ends at six this evening, which means I won’t be home until earliest 7. It’s going to be a long day and I am kind of nervous. This might sound strange, I mean this is my uni, where I already gone for four semesters. But since I went my 5th semester abroad and now I am back here in Sweden, it feels kind of weird. I mean, I am not really the same woman that left Sweden. I feel like I have grown a lot and I know more of what I want in life.
I have always loved my uni, but I loved the Heriot-Watt University as well, and I know I will miss it. But it is really nice to do my last semester here in Sweden. I am looking forward to Autumn and yesterday morning I could almost smell the Autumn in the air. It was cold and crisp. This morning I almost wanted to go inside again because I thought it was so cold, but Zelda was happy just walking and sniffing on everything.
One of the motivating songs I listen to today.
Oracle went with my husband to work earlier this morning and I am dropping Zelda of there on the way to campus. This way I am not alone at home with my nerves, but I do not have to deal with two dogs when I am packing everything up. Plus Oracle gets some extra time alone with my husband, which she really needs.
I can feel my anxiety levels are kind of high right now and it helps me a lot that I have Zelda here at home with me. She is sitting next to me on the sofa right now and the music also helps. I am trying my best to keep myself from spiraling and keep myself grounded. I know I can do this. I also know that I have my husband just a phone call away if I need to talk, which also helps. But now I am going to get ready for my lectures today.
The Not So Secret Diary of Nea 