Author: Nea

Scared Nea

On By NeaIn About me, Mental Health, StudyingLeave a comment

Yesterday I got a good estimate of how easily I get scared when I am home alone.

I was sitting in the living room studying  and its really windy outside and its raining, and kind of dark outside. Then the lights flicker, which didn’t get me scared. But all the sudden the ventilation increases and I don’t understand why and I find it really scary. I call my husband and asks him if he has come home and decided to play a trick on me, and he says that he is at work. And I am like.. What do I do? He tells me that the flickering in light is the electricity had a spike in it and that I need to go down and turn down the ventilation.  I am still scared at this point and I am thinking that someone got into the house, through our garage and into the boiler room and started messing with the ventilation so I would walk down and they could kill me… Stupid, right? So my husband has to talk to me on the phone while I walk down there. And the house is squeaking because its an older house and it’s really windy outside. I am seriously thinking about locking myself in the bedroom. But I did it.

And afterwards, I felt really stupid for getting so scared. My fantasy is just too good sometimes. And I am use to old houses and I usually like being home alone.

Today I have already had my lecture and now I am at home with the dogs. And I should be studying, but I feel like all my energy just vanished. And all I want is to cuddle with the dogs and my husband. But he is not going to be home for a couple of hours. He is working hard and here I am complaining about not having the energy to study… So for my own sake and for all his hard work I am going to study.

Love, Nea

My husband – Thankful Tuesday

On By NeaIn A, Life, Love, Mental Health, Thankful TuesdayLeave a comment

I am thankful for being married to the best man I have ever meet. He is my best friend and I know that he is always there for me.

I can call him whenever I need to talk to him and he always gives me time. When I have a panic attack he just gives me exactly what I need. He listens to my problems and he is always a good sounding board to my ideas and thoughts.

He makes me laugh, even if I had a really bad day.  You know the kind of laughter that makes your stomach ache.

He supports my dreams and goals. Many of them are the same for both of us. And he always pushes me to do better and to never give up. He helps me overcome things I didn’t think I would ever be able to do. But with his help, I am now studying at a University and getting a bachelor’s degree in Business Administration (Company Economics in Swedish).

This November we have been a couple for 12 years and I don’t know what I would do without him in my life.

I could write a book about what he means to me and still not be close to finishing with all that is amazing about this man.

So to finish this post. I am thankful for my husband on this thankful Tuesday.

October 8 ~ Motivational Monday

On By NeaIn Motivation, Motivational Monday, quotes2 Comments

Today’s motivational quotes are from an amazing person that I have admired for as long as I can remember. Sadly she is no longer alive. But I know that she never will be forgotten

“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible!’’ ~ Audrey Hepburn

I love this quotes because it gives me hope and I really believe that anything is possible if you keep fighting for it. Almost nothing worth having in life just happens without working for it. I have worked hard to be where I am today and motivational quotes have helped me when I have needed some extra motivation.

So don’t give up. Everything is possible!

Wonderful Weekend

On By NeaIn About me, Everyday life, Life, StudyingLeave a comment

This Friday was a busy day. I had an early lecture. Then I drove a friend to the train station. After that, I went to IKEA and bought some things for the bed. Then I went to my parent’s apartment and picked up my father. We went shopping and I drove him home. And all this before noon. Friday was like I said busy because the day wasn’t over there.

On Saturday I woke up early to walk the dogs, eat breakfast and then study before my niece christening. It was a beautiful day and I had a really nice time meeting everyone and taking many pictures. I love photographing and I am looking forward to getting some of the pictures in print. I think a few will make excellent Christmas presents.

Today I slept for a long time and woke up feeling relaxed and not tired. I love the mornings when I don’t need to set an alarm. It’s not often I can do this so I really enjoy the days that are like this.

Today I have been reading a few chapters in my course literature so I am up to speed on the coming lectures. I have also been doing some planning for the following days so I know what I need to do and when. I like having a plan for what’s to come. Even if it doesn’t go exactly as planned. If you are wondering what I am planning: What we are going to eat, How much I need to study this week and when, when the dogs are going to be at doggie daycare and what I want to write about in my posts.

Now I am going to relax with the dogs for a while and read a book. Then I just might study some more.

Have a fantastic evening!

Love, Nea

A headache and Babysitting

On By NeaIn Life, Mental Health, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

Today started badly with a headache. And I went home from campus earlier then I had planned. And I slept for a few hours. Now I am babysitting my nephew (brothers son). He is fast asleep in his bed and I am trying to study, but my headache isn’t all gone and I have an early lecture tomorrow that I really need to go to.

And I am hoping I can get some shopping done tomorrow as well. I need a coat to wear to campus and to business meetings. And I hope I can find one that fits me and that doesn’t contain wool.

I am struggling a bit with my motivation for studying. I need to study this weekend, but on Saturday my husband and I are going to my niece’s Christening. And I think that I won’t have time at all that day to study. Which leaves me with Friday afternoon/evening and Sunday. Its about three weeks until my exam and I feel like really need to study.

Have an amazing evening. I am going to read some in my course literature.

Love, Nea

 

Early morning on Campus

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Everyday life, Life, Mental Health, Panic attacks, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

This morning I woke up at 4 am. And 15 minutes later my alarm went off. It was just to go up and eat breakfast. The reason that I got up so early is that my husband and I drove in together this morning. He starts his job at 7 am in the morning, but it takes an hour to get to campus and we had to drop the dogs at doggie daycare before 7 am.

Now I am sitting at campus listening to a music and trying to motivate myself to study. And wishing that I drank coffee so that I could wake up. But I don’t drink anything with caffeine.

I have been thinking these last days about that I feel like this world is getting more and more hard. We are harder against each other. There is more bullying around us. In school and online. And people are less understanding with other people and their feelings. People are more selfish. I wish that we could spread love and not hate.

I have been told by many people over the last couple of years that my “sickness” is something that makes me the wrong human being to study. That I should stay home. These are things I have never taken to heart.

I know that every one that is fighting against their mental health can overcome it. I have found that taking action is the only thing that helps me with my panic attacks. With this I mean. Do things that you know can and will sett you of. But do it small steps at a time. If you get panic attacks when you shop for groceries. Then go early in the morning or later in the evening, when there are much fewer people in the store. And have as a goal to maybe just by one or two products. And you can, of course, have someone with you as support.

And do this until you are ready to increase the number of products you by. And someday you can shop for an entire week at once.

That is my best advice. Take it slow. But do something to get yourself better. I am not saying that I don´t get panic attacks in the store. Because I do. All the time. But I can handle them better now. And I know that if I am having a rough week then I don’t shop when the stores are the busiest. You have to pick your battles. And right now I am concentrating on finishing my education. And almost all my energy is going to go to all my classes even if I am having a hard day.

This became a longer post than planned. Sorry for the rant.

Have an inspiring day!

Love, Nea

Campus this morning

October is officially here

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Everyday life, Life, Mental Health, Panic attacks, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

October. The Month when it really feels like autumn is here. And all I want to do is sit on the couch with a blanket, a good book and a cup of hot chocolate. And some candles burning on the coffee table.

But what I need to do is: Study for my exam that is on the 29 of October. And I also need to do laundry, especially wash my mittens and scarfs. And many more things need to be done. It feels like there are more things than time. I am going through a rough patch right now, as some of you may have understood from my previous posts. And I am stressing out about all the things around me.

Yesterday I had a “normal” day at campus, but when I got home I was exhausted. I slept for about an hour on the sofa with the dogs before I had any energy to get something done.

Today I had an earlier day on campus and after that, I went to a shopping mall and got a christening present for my niece (my husband’s older brothers daughter) that is getting christen on Saturday. Something that had totally fallen out of my mind. And I realised this weekend that we had not gotten her a gift yet.

But on the plus side when I started looking for something to by for her I found the perfect Christmas gift for my nephew (my brother’s son) and also a birthday present for him. His birthday is in February.

Then it hit me. It’s just a couple of months to Christmas. I don’t know where the time has gone. It feels like September just went by without me noticing. Is it me or does time go faster when you get older than it did when you were a child?

Now I am going to study. And then it’s out in the pouring rain to walk the dogs.

Have a lovely evening!

Love, Nea

This mornings walk with the dogs! 😍

I did it!

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Motivation, Panic attacks, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

Today I went to campus and stayed for my entire lecture. Even if it was hard this morning. And right now I am tired but very proud of myself.

My father was with me to campus and then we had lunch together and just talked. It was like an extra “lifeline” in case I got a panic attack. And it felt safe.

All I can say is don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. We all need someone to lean on sometimes.

Now I am going to take the dogs for a quick walk then get into bed. I am really sleepy.

Good night!

Love, Nea

Campus this morning

Home today too

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Panic attacks, StudyingLeave a comment

So I didn’t go to campus today either. Haven’t been sleeping and I know that I can’t fight off my panic attacks with no sleep. And that I really should not drive on two nights of no sleep. I don’t want to get a big panic attack that I can’t fight.

But tomorrow will be different. I am going to campus. Whatever it takes.

Now I am going to study so I don’t fall even more behind.

Love, Nea