Getting there..

Yesterday I sent in the essay that was due, like 30 minutes before deadline. And I wrote on it until I sent it in. It was not my finest work, but it will have to due. I am trying to be more nice to myself. I am already feeling down and uni is not the most important thing in my life right now. Yes, I want to do well in school, but getting out of my depression and feeling like myself again is more important. So that is what I am working on.

My husband is the greatest support I can have right now. He really helps me get through the day. Without him I don’t really know I would be able to get out of bed in the morning. He listens to what I need from him and he gives it to me. Does not matter if I want him to push me to actually do things or if its just to hold my hand when things are extra hard.

I don’t know if I have written about it before but since December I been doing some cognitive behavioral therapy for my fear of dentists. It has been hard work, but I have gone through the whole treatment now. So now I have started treatment for fixing my teeth by a special dentist. I have a illness that has left me with damage on my teeth and this specialist is helping me fix it. It is going to be a treatment that will be ongoing for about a year and even though I am not as scared of the dentist anymore, it is sill scary. But I am doing it, because it is important.

Today I am working on a power point presentation for my essay that I have to present tomorrow after lunch. I am kind of nervous, but I will do my best.

I am slowly starting to feel better. My depression is ever present as well as my anxiety, but I feel like I can bet this. I have done it before and I know that it takes hard work and a lot of self love, but I am stronger than this shit and I know I will be even stronger for getting through this.

I wish you all an fantastic week and remember keep fighting! It is worth it.

Love, Nea

World Mental Health Day

I totally missed that October 10th was World Mental Health Day 2018. Don’t really know how? But I am doing a post on it now instead.

What I really want to share with all of you about Mental Health is that is no shame in having problems with your mental health. More people than you know have problems with their mental health and I wish more people talked about it.

I remember when I started going to a psychologist when I was about 14 years old and so many people had a problem with me talking about it. I should stay quiet and not talk about it. So I that’s what I did. I felt ashamed over how I was feeling and that affected me for a really long time.

Then when I started getting my panic attacks, big ones, when I was 17 I didn’t want to talk to anybody about it. I was ashamed over it. But I got help and started understanding that it wasn’t anything to be ashamed over. Both through my family and celebrities that have been very open about their mental health problems.

I started telling people that I had been diagnosed with anxiety, depression and panic disorder. I was told by a teacher when I finally came back to High School after being home sick for about a year, that I should be locked up in an insane asylum. That I was a danger to everyone around me. That only made me angrier and more determined to share with everyone.

My husband has always been by my side in all of this and when I told him that I wanted to start a blog to share my life with people he helped me get it started. He knows all about my fears and he still loves me. And I am worth that love.

I now that there are a lot of people out there that doesn’t have the support that I have had. But just remember that you are loved and it will get better with time. Just keep fighting! And you are not alone.

And to you who have a person with mental health problems in your life. Don’t try to fix it all. Just listen to them. Love them and be there for them.

Love, Nea

 

 

October is officially here

October. The Month when it really feels like autumn is here. And all I want to do is sit on the couch with a blanket, a good book and a cup of hot chocolate. And some candles burning on the coffee table.

But what I need to do is: Study for my exam that is on the 29 of October. And I also need to do laundry, especially wash my mittens and scarfs. And many more things need to be done. It feels like there are more things than time. I am going through a rough patch right now, as some of you may have understood from my previous posts. And I am stressing out about all the things around me.

Yesterday I had a “normal” day at campus, but when I got home I was exhausted. I slept for about an hour on the sofa with the dogs before I had any energy to get something done.

Today I had an earlier day on campus and after that, I went to a shopping mall and got a christening present for my niece (my husband’s older brothers daughter) that is getting christen on Saturday. Something that had totally fallen out of my mind. And I realised this weekend that we had not gotten her a gift yet.

But on the plus side when I started looking for something to by for her I found the perfect Christmas gift for my nephew (my brother’s son) and also a birthday present for him. His birthday is in February.

Then it hit me. It’s just a couple of months to Christmas. I don’t know where the time has gone. It feels like September just went by without me noticing. Is it me or does time go faster when you get older than it did when you were a child?

Now I am going to study. And then it’s out in the pouring rain to walk the dogs.

Have a lovely evening!

Love, Nea

This mornings walk with the dogs! ūüėć

I did it!

Today I went to campus and stayed for my entire lecture. Even if it was hard this morning. And right now I am tired but very proud of myself.

My father was with me to campus and then we had lunch together and just talked. It was like an extra “lifeline” in case I got a panic attack. And it felt safe.

All I can say is don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. We all need someone to lean on sometimes.

Now I am going to take the dogs for a quick walk then get into bed. I am really sleepy.

Good night!

Love, Nea

Campus this morning

My first post!

This is my first post. I have been thinking about what I wanted to share with you.. I was thinking about just telling you lite about my self and why I want with this blog.

I have started this blog because I want to share my life with you all. It’s going to be kind of a diary, not really that secret. And I will write about all the things I find interesting and things that happen in my life.

My name is Linn√©a, but almost everyone calls me Nea. I am 28 years old. I am currently a student at √Ėrebro University. I am also a wife since July 2018 to A. We have been together for almost 12 years. And we live in a small town in the middle of Sweden. The population is a little bit over 7000.

For about 10 years have I been living with¬†panic disorder, anxiety and depression. It was so bad at one point that I couldn’t leave my apartment. But I took control over my life with the help of my amazing husband, family and friends.¬† We moved to a house and got a dog, Oracle (I will tell you more about her later) and I trained her to be my¬†therapy dog. Without this, I don’t know where I would be right now. I am forever thankful for every amazing person in my life and for my dog, Oracle.

I hope you like my blog. I am really new to this, so please be kind to me.

Love, Nea