Information day and First Lecture

I haven’t had the time to update you on my progress. Yesterday was a long day for me. I was so nervous and I am so thankful for my wonderful husband for trying his best to keep me calm.

We took an early bus to the University, it took about 20 minutes, and I thought it was a pain in my ass. I hate riding the bus, it always gives me anxiety, because you sit with so many other persons, that may have a lot of perfume on or be smokers, and you really have to trust the driver. But we got there in one piece and we got some time to find the place where my first meeting of the day was.

After a day of Information and Enrollment, it was finally time to go home, with the bus, again. It went a little better this time and I actually had some energy when we got back to our little apartment, which made me happy. we stayed in and I got to talk some with my parents, my brother and his fiancee and their son, via Facetime. It was nice to see them and talk to them. I miss them very much. It was my mothers birthday yesterday and it felt so wrong not to be there and celebrate her. But I figure I have to get her a present here from Edinburgh for when I get home.

Today I had my first Lecture, after lunch. This morning I tried to do a little preparation for the following weeks and mentally prepare myself for the rest of the week. My husband did some work. And after a light lunch, it was time to catch the bus back to Campus and go to my lecture. I just have to say that the lecture was fantastic. The Professor was easy to listen to and the subject was interesting and fun. I am already looking forward to next weeks lecture.

Now I am home in the apartment again and trying to think of something to do. It’s dark outside and my husband is working again. I don’t want to disturb him too much so I think I will just try and find something to do on my computer.

Tomorrow I don’t have any lectures, but I have an International Student Welcome thing in the afternoon. In the morning we will probably go to the nearest Tesco and do some shopping. And then after lunch, I will go into Campus.

Now I am going log on to Pinterest and kill some time. Have an amazing evening. I will try and be better at updating my blog.

Hard couple of DAYS!

Tomorrow is the day that School starts here in Edinburgh for me. It’s scarry and I have wanted to go home since Thursday when we arrived. It feels like something is missing. Like something is wrong… I can’t excplain it better.

I told my husband this and we had a long chat. He was very understanding and supportive. For this I am so greatful. We talked about how I miss the dogs. What makes my anxiety are through the roof. And all my fears right now. And you know what. It feels better now. It doesen’t feel completly fine. But maybe I will get there?!

We took the decision that we are going to give it 2 weeks and then se how I feel. How my mental health is and what I feel like doing. I am not a quiter but these few days I have wanted to go home and be with my dogs. And having my family just a short drive away. Not several hours away with an ocean between.

My reading nook in the apartment

I am sharing this with you becase I want to be honest. Life isn’t always easy and sometimes it’s a real pain in my ass. Days like this I hate my anxiety and panicdisorder. I usually can hold my thoughts and feelings in check. But appearently not right now…

My husband is my greatest supporter and that he believes in me. That I can do this is so helpful. I want to make him proud of me and show everyone els that I am stronger then they think.

I hope you all have an amazing Sunday. We are going to take a quiet evening in the apartment and get ready for tomorrow.

Love, Nea

Situation Sunday ~ 16th December

A hard week is soon over and a new week is just around the corner. I am so grateful for all the amazing people around me that support me. This week has been a challenge, but I made it through and because of that I am a little bit stronger. 

Today I wanted to quit. I was going to my self-defence class and I just wanted to call my friend and say that I was not feeling good. But I powered through. And I had an amazing time. It was hard at times when I had my flashbacks, but the trainers where amazing. 

After the self-defence class, my husband and I took a walk with the dogs down by the river. It was starting to get dark, but it was beautiful with the snow that was gently falling down.

Picture from today’s walk down by the river

Now I am sitting on my sofa with two sleeping dogs beside me and my husband is driving to change cars with my parents and to pick up pizza. Probably the last pizza before we move to Edinburgh. I love pizza, but we don’t eat it that much. We try to cook as much as possible, because of my food allergies. 

Now I am going to snuggle with my dogs. I hope you all have a fantastic Sunday. A happy third Advent. We are going to light the third candle when my husband gets home. 

Love, Nea

Last day at Campus

Yesterday I had my last day at campus, here in Sweden before I go to Edinburgh. It has been a hard week so far. And I am so thankful for my friends at campus for helping me through this tough week. I think that it’s more real now that we are moving. Moving away from my dogs, my family and my friends. It has always been like months away, and now its just a couple of weeks. I am looking forward to studying abroad, but I know I will miss everyone at home. 

I have always dreamed about studying in another country. But with my depression, anxiety and panic attacks I never thought I would be possible. Now, thanks to my wonderful husband’s support and the help from my family I am finally going. 

I know that I am stronger than I think. I know I can do anything I want to do and I also know that my dogs are going to be well taken care of while I am gone. And this is a quote that I try to remember.

Picture taken buy me and the quote is by: H. Jackson Brown Jr.

I missed posting a few of my planned Christmas Countdown post this week, just because I have had these bad days. But I will post them soon. 

Have an fantastic Friday!

Love, Nea

8th December ~ Self-Care Saturday

Today I don’t want to share my self-care tips with you. Today I want to share why I do self-care. And why I need to get better at it.

So this last couple of weeks have been hard on me and my mental health. I have been struggling with Statistics. I spent almost all my time studying and after the exam and assignments, I felt like a balloon that lost all its air. And then I had to wait and see if I passed the course or if I had to take the exam again. If you are or have been a Student you know what I am talking about. 

And then I started realixing that it wasent so long left until I would move over 1000 kilometer away from home. From my family. My dogs. My friends. And that got me kind of shaken up.

And on top of this we are going throw my grandmothers house and dividing the heritage between us all. It feels like my grandfather, who passed away in September 2009, and my grandmother is still there. I am just waiting for them to come down from their bedroom and ask what we are doing. I miss them so much.

For me, Self-Care is an important part to stay grounded and to take time to cope with all that is happening around me. It can very hard some days to take care of ourselves. Just brushing our teeth can be hard. But its important. And I have promised myself that I need to get better at taking care of me. 

These last couple of days I have tried to do at least 5 things a day to take care of my self (and brushing my teeth and taking a shower does not count this week). I have done my skin-care rutin, I have taken long walks, I have listened to music and I have taken time to just breath and not feel stressed over what I need to do.

I hope you all also can take some time and spend it on your self-care. You are important! You need to put yourself first sometimes!

Love, Nea

26th November ~ Motivational Monday

It’s a new week and I have so much on my mind. For this Motivational Monday, I decided to share a quote that I have to remind my self about constantly. 

“Think Continually About What You Want, Not About The Things You Fear.” ~ Brian Tracy

Bemuse I live with anxiety, depression and panic attacks, I am afraid of so many things. I am afraid something can happen to my husband, the dogs or my family. I am afraid to faint in public. I am afraid of getting a panic attack. I know this is ironic because having anxiety over this can cause a panic attack.

Sometimes I just have to think about what I want in life and not everything I am afraid of. Everyday is a struggle for me. I have a panic attack at least once a day, but I don’t let it stop me. I know I am better than that. And what I want is to get a degree and I am not going to let my fears stop me. 

And if I can do it so can you. You are so much stronger than you believe!

Love, Nea

Worried

Right now I am sitting in my parent’s kitchen waiting to hear from my husband. He’s at the Emergency Room. Hopefully, it’s nothing serious but when he got home today he had pain in his right arm. We found a bruise and I git worried because he is not a person that whines and he had surgery two weeks ago. My first instinct was that he had gotten a thrombus. He called the medical information and they said he should go to the emergency room.

I and the dogs went with him and then we went to my parents so I can drive him home when he gets to come home. Now I just hope its nothing serious.

I am having some anxiety and panic over this. And I am glad that I am at my parents for support. Here in Sweden its half past eleven in the evening right now. And I want to sleep but I know that I can’t until I know how my husband is doing.