Category: Studying

Overslept on Hump Day!

On By NeaIn Life, Mental Health, Oops..., Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

Today I overslept.. Or no not really. I woke up with my husband this morning and then he and the dogs left for work and doggie daycare. And I ate breakfast in peace and with no stress. But then I fell asleep on the sofa and woke up just 30 minutes before my lecture. And I have 1 hours drive to campus and I had nothing packed for school and I needed to ready. So I decided to not stress because I know I would only get to campus when it max was 20 minutes left of the lecture.

So now I am sitting here at home and trying to wake up. I have another class this afternoon that I am going to go to. But first I am eating my lunch at home and then I am going to campus. The class is a late one and right now I am fine with it. This is the last day this week I am having a late day on campus.

This has really been a Hump Day so far. I am looking forward until this day is over. I don’t know how long my husband is working today. He might have to do some overtime again. But luckily he bought groceries yesterday so we have everything at home to cook dinner tonight. Just one of the many reasons why I love him.

I hope you all have an amazing Hump Day.

Love, Nea

Scared Nea

On By NeaIn About me, Mental Health, StudyingLeave a comment

Yesterday I got a good estimate of how easily I get scared when I am home alone.

I was sitting in the living room studying  and its really windy outside and its raining, and kind of dark outside. Then the lights flicker, which didn’t get me scared. But all the sudden the ventilation increases and I don’t understand why and I find it really scary. I call my husband and asks him if he has come home and decided to play a trick on me, and he says that he is at work. And I am like.. What do I do? He tells me that the flickering in light is the electricity had a spike in it and that I need to go down and turn down the ventilation.  I am still scared at this point and I am thinking that someone got into the house, through our garage and into the boiler room and started messing with the ventilation so I would walk down and they could kill me… Stupid, right? So my husband has to talk to me on the phone while I walk down there. And the house is squeaking because its an older house and it’s really windy outside. I am seriously thinking about locking myself in the bedroom. But I did it.

And afterwards, I felt really stupid for getting so scared. My fantasy is just too good sometimes. And I am use to old houses and I usually like being home alone.

Today I have already had my lecture and now I am at home with the dogs. And I should be studying, but I feel like all my energy just vanished. And all I want is to cuddle with the dogs and my husband. But he is not going to be home for a couple of hours. He is working hard and here I am complaining about not having the energy to study… So for my own sake and for all his hard work I am going to study.

Love, Nea

Wonderful Weekend

On By NeaIn About me, Everyday life, Life, StudyingLeave a comment

This Friday was a busy day. I had an early lecture. Then I drove a friend to the train station. After that, I went to IKEA and bought some things for the bed. Then I went to my parent’s apartment and picked up my father. We went shopping and I drove him home. And all this before noon. Friday was like I said busy because the day wasn’t over there.

On Saturday I woke up early to walk the dogs, eat breakfast and then study before my niece christening. It was a beautiful day and I had a really nice time meeting everyone and taking many pictures. I love photographing and I am looking forward to getting some of the pictures in print. I think a few will make excellent Christmas presents.

Today I slept for a long time and woke up feeling relaxed and not tired. I love the mornings when I don’t need to set an alarm. It’s not often I can do this so I really enjoy the days that are like this.

Today I have been reading a few chapters in my course literature so I am up to speed on the coming lectures. I have also been doing some planning for the following days so I know what I need to do and when. I like having a plan for what’s to come. Even if it doesn’t go exactly as planned. If you are wondering what I am planning: What we are going to eat, How much I need to study this week and when, when the dogs are going to be at doggie daycare and what I want to write about in my posts.

Now I am going to relax with the dogs for a while and read a book. Then I just might study some more.

Have a fantastic evening!

Love, Nea

A headache and Babysitting

On By NeaIn Life, Mental Health, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

Today started badly with a headache. And I went home from campus earlier then I had planned. And I slept for a few hours. Now I am babysitting my nephew (brothers son). He is fast asleep in his bed and I am trying to study, but my headache isn’t all gone and I have an early lecture tomorrow that I really need to go to.

And I am hoping I can get some shopping done tomorrow as well. I need a coat to wear to campus and to business meetings. And I hope I can find one that fits me and that doesn’t contain wool.

I am struggling a bit with my motivation for studying. I need to study this weekend, but on Saturday my husband and I are going to my niece’s Christening. And I think that I won’t have time at all that day to study. Which leaves me with Friday afternoon/evening and Sunday. Its about three weeks until my exam and I feel like really need to study.

Have an amazing evening. I am going to read some in my course literature.

Love, Nea

 

Early morning on Campus

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Everyday life, Life, Mental Health, Panic attacks, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

This morning I woke up at 4 am. And 15 minutes later my alarm went off. It was just to go up and eat breakfast. The reason that I got up so early is that my husband and I drove in together this morning. He starts his job at 7 am in the morning, but it takes an hour to get to campus and we had to drop the dogs at doggie daycare before 7 am.

Now I am sitting at campus listening to a music and trying to motivate myself to study. And wishing that I drank coffee so that I could wake up. But I don’t drink anything with caffeine.

I have been thinking these last days about that I feel like this world is getting more and more hard. We are harder against each other. There is more bullying around us. In school and online. And people are less understanding with other people and their feelings. People are more selfish. I wish that we could spread love and not hate.

I have been told by many people over the last couple of years that my “sickness” is something that makes me the wrong human being to study. That I should stay home. These are things I have never taken to heart.

I know that every one that is fighting against their mental health can overcome it. I have found that taking action is the only thing that helps me with my panic attacks. With this I mean. Do things that you know can and will sett you of. But do it small steps at a time. If you get panic attacks when you shop for groceries. Then go early in the morning or later in the evening, when there are much fewer people in the store. And have as a goal to maybe just by one or two products. And you can, of course, have someone with you as support.

And do this until you are ready to increase the number of products you by. And someday you can shop for an entire week at once.

That is my best advice. Take it slow. But do something to get yourself better. I am not saying that I don´t get panic attacks in the store. Because I do. All the time. But I can handle them better now. And I know that if I am having a rough week then I don’t shop when the stores are the busiest. You have to pick your battles. And right now I am concentrating on finishing my education. And almost all my energy is going to go to all my classes even if I am having a hard day.

This became a longer post than planned. Sorry for the rant.

Have an inspiring day!

Love, Nea

Campus this morning

October is officially here

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Everyday life, Life, Mental Health, Panic attacks, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

October. The Month when it really feels like autumn is here. And all I want to do is sit on the couch with a blanket, a good book and a cup of hot chocolate. And some candles burning on the coffee table.

But what I need to do is: Study for my exam that is on the 29 of October. And I also need to do laundry, especially wash my mittens and scarfs. And many more things need to be done. It feels like there are more things than time. I am going through a rough patch right now, as some of you may have understood from my previous posts. And I am stressing out about all the things around me.

Yesterday I had a “normal” day at campus, but when I got home I was exhausted. I slept for about an hour on the sofa with the dogs before I had any energy to get something done.

Today I had an earlier day on campus and after that, I went to a shopping mall and got a christening present for my niece (my husband’s older brothers daughter) that is getting christen on Saturday. Something that had totally fallen out of my mind. And I realised this weekend that we had not gotten her a gift yet.

But on the plus side when I started looking for something to by for her I found the perfect Christmas gift for my nephew (my brother’s son) and also a birthday present for him. His birthday is in February.

Then it hit me. It’s just a couple of months to Christmas. I don’t know where the time has gone. It feels like September just went by without me noticing. Is it me or does time go faster when you get older than it did when you were a child?

Now I am going to study. And then it’s out in the pouring rain to walk the dogs.

Have a lovely evening!

Love, Nea

This mornings walk with the dogs! 😍

I did it!

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Motivation, Panic attacks, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

Today I went to campus and stayed for my entire lecture. Even if it was hard this morning. And right now I am tired but very proud of myself.

My father was with me to campus and then we had lunch together and just talked. It was like an extra “lifeline” in case I got a panic attack. And it felt safe.

All I can say is don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. We all need someone to lean on sometimes.

Now I am going to take the dogs for a quick walk then get into bed. I am really sleepy.

Good night!

Love, Nea

Campus this morning

Home today too

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Panic attacks, StudyingLeave a comment

So I didn’t go to campus today either. Haven’t been sleeping and I know that I can’t fight off my panic attacks with no sleep. And that I really should not drive on two nights of no sleep. I don’t want to get a big panic attack that I can’t fight.

But tomorrow will be different. I am going to campus. Whatever it takes.

Now I am going to study so I don’t fall even more behind.

Love, Nea

Mad Wednesday

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Life, Love, Mental Health, Panic attacks, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

Today I am mad. But at myself. I have been having a couple of really bad days with my anxiety and my depression. I feel like a am on the brink of falling down a high cliff. And I am doing everything in my power to stop it from happening. Like I wrote in an earlier post I had a really hard Monday. I tried everything to turn it around and I actually turned it around in the evening just spending time with my wonderful dogs and my husband.

Then yesterday I dropped off the dogs with my father, I borrowed my parent’s car again and drove to campus. And when I came to campus I just couldn’t leave the car. I just froze. So I ate my lunch in the car and about 20 minutes before my class started I gathered all my energy and went to the classroom I was going to be in. It was a 2-hour class, but when it was about 10 minutes left I started to panic. it felt like the walls were closing in on me and I had no energy to fight it, so I left the class. I then had an hour to drive home, and I didn’t know if I was going to make it home. But staying at the campus was no option. So I called my husband and he talked a bit with me and really helpt med focus and feel a little better. Then when my husband really couldn’t talk more, because of his job I called my father and we talked. My parent’s car has a Bluetooth that I had my phone connected to so I can drive and talk. My husband also has one in his car and when I don’t feel my best its really good to have someone to talk to.

My father and I talked for about 45 minutes and we ended the talk when I was almost home.  It helped me with driving home and I am forever grateful that I have my awesome father that always are there to help me.

Then when I parked at home and got all my things in the house I went directly to my stash of chocolate and at a couple of pieces. After about 10 minutes at home I felt a lot better and about that time my parents came home with my dogs. So my mother and I took a walk with the dogs and just talked about who I was feeling and then about other things so I could relax. When we came back from our walk, my husband had come home. And just like that I was relaxed. I have always felt safe with my husband. He is one of the only people that I know will always be there for me and always have my back. But he also pushes me to keep fighting my demons. And I can honestly say I don’t understand how I got so lucky to spend my life with him.

We spent the evening together and just took it easy. But just like I expected my stomach started giving me trouble. I have gastric catarrh and my panic can stress my stomach and make me really sick. Long story short… I have spent the night awake with a stomach ache. So this morning I didn’t go to campus. Which means I missed a lecture and a class with calculation exercises in statistics.

Wow, I wrote longer then I thought about why I am mad at myself. I just hate when I have bad days. But like my husband usually reminds me I have come a long way these past years. I never thought that I would be able to say that I am a university student. Or that I have a drivers license. Or that I can go to the store by my self and shop.

But just so you all know I am not giving up. I plan on going to my class tomorrow and Friday’s lecture. I am going to get my bachelors degree and every obstacle in my way and every hard day is just going to make me stronger.

Sorry for the rant.

Love, Nea

 

A new week means new goals

On By NeaIn Everyday life, Life, Love, Mental Health, Oracle, Panic attacks, Studying, University, ZeldaLeave a comment

Today its Monday and so far it hasn’t been a really good day. It feels like all the things that can go wrong has gone wrong, which really isn’t true. Far from it actually. But I have to admit. I almost just gave up and crawled down in my big, cosy warm bed.

It all started this morning when I woke up. I didn’t feel good. I felt nausea and didn’t have an appetite. But this isn’t new. Its been like this for about a week. The Zelda stole and chewed on a butter knife that was in plastic so it broke. And I had to give her asparagus in case she ate some parts of the butter knife.

Then when I was driving to doggie daycare the care was making some strange noise that worries me so I drove to my brother and he calmed me down. It was nothing serious. I am borrowing my parent’s car at the moment. And the thought of it breaking and possible beeing my falt was just too much.

Now I am sitting on campus and trying to relax before I eat my lunch. And then I have a lecture. I am trying to come up with some waý to make this day better. My goal for today is to turn this day around. Something I know I can do.

I hope you all have a fabulous day!

Love, Nea