Author: Nea

Mad Wednesday

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Life, Love, Mental Health, Panic attacks, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

Today I am mad. But at myself. I have been having a couple of really bad days with my anxiety and my depression. I feel like a am on the brink of falling down a high cliff. And I am doing everything in my power to stop it from happening. Like I wrote in an earlier post I had a really hard Monday. I tried everything to turn it around and I actually turned it around in the evening just spending time with my wonderful dogs and my husband.

Then yesterday I dropped off the dogs with my father, I borrowed my parent’s car again and drove to campus. And when I came to campus I just couldn’t leave the car. I just froze. So I ate my lunch in the car and about 20 minutes before my class started I gathered all my energy and went to the classroom I was going to be in. It was a 2-hour class, but when it was about 10 minutes left I started to panic. it felt like the walls were closing in on me and I had no energy to fight it, so I left the class. I then had an hour to drive home, and I didn’t know if I was going to make it home. But staying at the campus was no option. So I called my husband and he talked a bit with me and really helpt med focus and feel a little better. Then when my husband really couldn’t talk more, because of his job I called my father and we talked. My parent’s car has a Bluetooth that I had my phone connected to so I can drive and talk. My husband also has one in his car and when I don’t feel my best its really good to have someone to talk to.

My father and I talked for about 45 minutes and we ended the talk when I was almost home.  It helped me with driving home and I am forever grateful that I have my awesome father that always are there to help me.

Then when I parked at home and got all my things in the house I went directly to my stash of chocolate and at a couple of pieces. After about 10 minutes at home I felt a lot better and about that time my parents came home with my dogs. So my mother and I took a walk with the dogs and just talked about who I was feeling and then about other things so I could relax. When we came back from our walk, my husband had come home. And just like that I was relaxed. I have always felt safe with my husband. He is one of the only people that I know will always be there for me and always have my back. But he also pushes me to keep fighting my demons. And I can honestly say I don’t understand how I got so lucky to spend my life with him.

We spent the evening together and just took it easy. But just like I expected my stomach started giving me trouble. I have gastric catarrh and my panic can stress my stomach and make me really sick. Long story short… I have spent the night awake with a stomach ache. So this morning I didn’t go to campus. Which means I missed a lecture and a class with calculation exercises in statistics.

Wow, I wrote longer then I thought about why I am mad at myself. I just hate when I have bad days. But like my husband usually reminds me I have come a long way these past years. I never thought that I would be able to say that I am a university student. Or that I have a drivers license. Or that I can go to the store by my self and shop.

But just so you all know I am not giving up. I plan on going to my class tomorrow and Friday’s lecture. I am going to get my bachelors degree and every obstacle in my way and every hard day is just going to make me stronger.

Sorry for the rant.

Love, Nea

 

A new week means new goals

On By NeaIn Everyday life, Life, Love, Mental Health, Oracle, Panic attacks, Studying, University, ZeldaLeave a comment

Today its Monday and so far it hasn’t been a really good day. It feels like all the things that can go wrong has gone wrong, which really isn’t true. Far from it actually. But I have to admit. I almost just gave up and crawled down in my big, cosy warm bed.

It all started this morning when I woke up. I didn’t feel good. I felt nausea and didn’t have an appetite. But this isn’t new. Its been like this for about a week. The Zelda stole and chewed on a butter knife that was in plastic so it broke. And I had to give her asparagus in case she ate some parts of the butter knife.

Then when I was driving to doggie daycare the care was making some strange noise that worries me so I drove to my brother and he calmed me down. It was nothing serious. I am borrowing my parent’s car at the moment. And the thought of it breaking and possible beeing my falt was just too much.

Now I am sitting on campus and trying to relax before I eat my lunch. And then I have a lecture. I am trying to come up with some waý to make this day better. My goal for today is to turn this day around. Something I know I can do.

I hope you all have a fabulous day!

Love, Nea

My grandmother

On By NeaIn Life, LoveLeave a comment

I have been thinking about writing this post for some time now. And it’s a hard one.

My grandmother (my father’s mother) past away in the middle of August, and it left me feeling paralysed. I thought I was prepared. I mean she was over 90 years old and had been getting smaller and smaller this last couple of months, but it hit me hard. Now everyone from that generation in my life is gone. My grandmother was the last one.

I am glad that it went pretty quick in the end and that now she’s in peace. But I needed to go to her house to really get it. She is gone.

The funeral was on Friday the 7th September and I don’t know if I am going to post this. I am writing this for me. To get it out. To remember her.

My grandmother was a strong woman. She moved with my grandfather from Sweden to Norway right after the second world war. To an Oslo that had been occupied by Germany.  The war was present, maybe not so much as other parts of Europe, but it was there. Norway was poor. My grandmother didn’t speak Norwegian when she moved. But she quickly learned. Grandfather used to speak highly of how good she got. After a while, people thought she was born in Norway and not Sweden because she talked fluent Norwegian. She didn’t even have an accent.

And they had it tight with money when my father grew up, but she always made it work.

And when I grew up she taught me about manners and etiquette. But also about going after what you want in life. To let yourself dream big and think outside the box. Both her and my grandfather was really kin on my writing. And always encourage me to continue writing.

I miss her.. really much.

 

 

 

Study.. study.. study..

On By NeaIn Life, StudyingLeave a comment

Today I have been studying the whole day. And I am far from where I want to be in my studying. Statistics is harder then I thought, but also more fun. At least when I understand something or get something right.

It’s really windy today. And when my husband and I was walking the dogs in the forest this morning it was almost scary. But we have been spared of the worst of the storm. I am thinking of all the people that have had problems with the weather this last couple of weeks.

Now I am going to study some more.

Love, Nea

I survived hump day

On By NeaIn About me, Mental Health, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

And I am really proud of myself. It was a long day yesterday. But I did it.

Today has been a much better day. I was home alone for a few hours when my husband went to work this morning and on the way dropped of the dogs at daycare.

After lunch I drove to campus and had a really good meting with my student consuler. We talked about the next couple of years and my options. And I am really happy about what was said. I will share more with you in an later post.

After that I had some time to befor my computerlabiration started and while I was waiting a friend of my found me and we got a chance to catch up.

Now I am at home and all I want to do is eat and relax. So thats what I am going to do.

Good nigth, Nea

Throwback thursday

On By NeaIn Life, Love, Okategoriserade, Oracle, Throwback, ZeldaLeave a comment

My first ever throwback post. And for this I have chosen to share this picture:

It’s of my dogs Zelda and Oracle in September 2016. As you can see Zelda is just a little puppy. 😍 And she’s about 3 months old.

I remember Oracles questioning look one me when we took Zelda with us home. Oracle was used to being the only dog in the family and all the sudden she had a baby sister. It was a bit hard at first. But now Oracle adores and loves her little sister. And many nights they fall asleep laying like this together.

Surviving hump day

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Life, Mental Health, Panic attacks, Studying, UniversityLeave a comment

Today I am having a hard day. It took every trick I got to get me to campus. I have a full day ahead of me and only one goal. Survive the day.

I have dropped of the dogs at doggie daycare and right now I am sitting outside my lecturehall waiting for the first lecture if the day to start. I am feeling down and trying my best to turn this feeling around.

In the car I was listining to uplifting music. And now I am trying to think of good things that are happening in the next couple of days. I am feeling better then I did this morning. And that is progress.

Wish me luck and I hope you all have an fantastic day.

Love Nea

Campus

Moody monday

On By NeaIn Anxiety, Depression, Everyday life, Life, Mental Health, Oracle, Panic attacks, Studying, University, ZeldaLeave a comment

Today is a hard day for me. The thoughts in my head are spinning around and I don’t feel like I can get a grip on them. I have tried to do something all day. But I feel like a balloon that the air has left.

I want to crawl back in bed and read a good book or just sleep. And the dogs went back to doggie-daycare this morning. So I have been home alone until I went to campus now in the afternoon. I had a late lecture. And I had to fight with my mind to get there. But I did it. I didn’t give up. And I could stay the whole lecture.

After the lecture, I went to pick up the dogs at daycare. My husband dropped them off this morning. Oracle and Zelda were really happy to see me.

Now I am just trying to calm down and breath. I have a long day tomorrow too and every other day this week. But I am a fighter.

Have an amazing evening.

Love, Nea

Saturdays is a study day

On By NeaIn Life, StudyingLeave a comment

Sitting at home feeling a bit sorry for myself. I am still feeling my cold and I had plans with my husband to go to an important and motivation work event a couple of hours away from here. I opted to stay at home and that’s why I am feeling sorry for myself. But I need to focus on my health.

I have been studying and resting. My husband went with without me and I am glad that he got to meet all the amazing people that would attend this event. And right now I am waiting for him to get home and tell me everything about the event.

I have found a new series on Netflix, or at least new for me. It’s called When Calls the Heart. I am going to watch an episode now.

Have an amazing evening.

Love, Nea

Evening walk!