Sad day…

Today is a heavy day. A close family friend Roy was buried today in Sweden, and here I am in Edinburgh getting ready for my final exams at the beginning of next week. All I want to do is curl up in a corner and cry. 

But as Roy would have wanted me to keep going. Keep fighting. Focus on getting my degree. So I am here doing my best. Trying to get study as much as I possibly can and trying to remember all the good times we have had.

Roy was a person that always made me laugh. He was a movie and tv-show nerd just like me and we have had a lot of discussions about Supernatural, NCIS and Marvel. And many, many other movies and series. We also discussed music and life. He died way too early and he will be greatly missed. He was like my uncle and I know that when I get home to Sweden in a months time it will finally dawn on me for real that I will never see him again.

Because he loved Beatles and I know this song was one of the Beatles song that was played at his funeral today.

Rest in peace Roy! I hope heaven is filled with roads where you can ride an MC and a room where you can listen to your music and watch all the tv-shows and movies you want. How loudly you want without anyone complaining.

I will miss you!

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18th March – Motivation Monday

It’s Monday and here in Edinburgh the birds are singing outside the window. Its kind of cloudy, but that’s okay. At least its not snowing or raining like it did this Saturday. It feels like spring is here to stay and that is one thing that motivates me.

Today I only have one lecture. And I need motivation to go to it. I am still tired from the hectic week I had when I finished to essays in the course of a week. I think I kind of drained myself. But this week I am going to really start on the next essay. And the theme of the essay is something that I find really interesting so I hope it will be more fun and relaxing to write.

Today’s motivational quote is not really a quote. It’s more of a mantra that I found on Pinterest a while back.

I am grounded.
I am loved.
I am enough.

I don’t know where it comes from and or anything, but it helps me in my darkest days. And I wanted to share it with you. I say this over and over in my head some days and it gives me the motivation to keep going. Keep fighting. Because I know that I can do it and that I am so much stronger then I think.

I hope you have a wonderful Monday and a fantastic week!

The Voice UK

Since we moved here to Edinburgh, I been hooked on the Voice UK. I just love it. I missed one part so far, an I really don’t want to miss any more.

My favorite is Deana and I am so happy that she last night made it through to the live shows. She is an amazing singer and I really hope she wins the whole deal.

Here is her blind audition:

And here are her Battle against Peter Donegan (my nr two favorite).

And here are her Song last night in the KnockOuts. So glad she made it through!

And I have to say that I hope that Deana and Peter does more songs together in the future. They have a connection and I feel like they can have fun together while they do music. Just look at their performance together. They are having fun.

I deferentially want to hear more from Peter, as well, as a solo artist. He has an amazing voice and I am kind of mad at Tom for putting them together in the Knockouts. I wanted them booth to go through. Even though Deana is my favorite. I just hope that Peter will get the recognition he deserves and a record deal.

If you want to follow them on Instagram:
Deana’s Instagram
Peter’s Instagram

And to end, Good luck Deana with the continuing on the Voice. I am routing for you!

Missing my family..

Today is a though day. I am missing my family like crazy.

I want to snuggle with my dogs and go on a long walk with them. Hear Zelda snore when she sleeps and have Oracle snuggle up in my arms. Tell them I love them and give them kisses.

I want to talk to my nephew and see him smile because we are playing with his cars. Hug him and tell him I love him. He is my little ray of sunshine.

I want to talk about photography and books with my dad and give him a hug. Tell him that I love him and how thankful I am to have him as my father.

I want to talk about the garden with my mom and hug her. Tell her I love her and how much I appreciate all the things she does for me.

My nephew and Sister-in-law.

I want to talk to my brother about his job and his son. and hug him and tell him he is the best big brother a girl can have. And that I love him.

I want to talk about baking gluten-free baking with my mother-in-law. And how grateful I am to her for raising as an amazing man as my husband. To tell her I love her and give her a hug.

I want to talk about everything with my sister-in-law. About my nephew, her new work and the plans for the house. Talk about traveling. Tell her how happy I am to have her in my life. That she and my nephew are the best things that has happen in my brothers life. And that I love her for it.

I just really miss them all. And after one week of stress to finish two essays I feel so tired and I miss them more. I know that I am almost halfway to getting home again and seeing them all. And I know that the following weeks will be packed with things to do.

I have two essays left to write. And to exams in May. And it is about two weeks until I have Spring-Break for three weeks, when I will be studying my ass of to pass my exams and finish the last essay.

My husband!

My husband is understanding and supportive and without him I would not be able to do this. He helps me through the hard days and always listens to me. I love him and I am grateful that such an amazing man loves me.

Sorry for my rant. I just needed to get this out. I wish you all an amazing Thursday!

Love, Nea

Happy Friday!

Today I don’t have any lectures so I will spend the day trying to find good academic articles for essays. I need so many and I might only have about 3 that are good enough so far. But I am not giving up I will find some really good and write kick-ass essays. Or at least do my best. And that is good enough.

The plan for today was from the beginning to go to a shopping center about 22 minutes with bus from here and try and find a spring jacket for me, but my feets hurt and I don’t really feel like walking around shopping then. But we will see I might change my mind later.

But today is a good day and I want to share my happy song right now. Its Simple by Florida Georgia Line. It makes me want to sing and dance. A real happy song.

So, time to find those articles. Have an amazing Friday!

Love, Nea

Amazing start to the week

Today is a really good day. I had a really good day at campus and I feel so happy about that. I had some minor panic attacks and anxiety, but nothing that affected me in any major way. I just worked through it.

When I woke up this morning I was exhausted, after a night of very little sleep, and this because when I had gotten to sleep last night I woke up because there was a really high crashing sound. Both my husband and I investigated but could not find anything in the apartment. And this made me anxious, which is why I slept poorly. This morning we got the answer to what the noise had been. A roofing tile had come loose and crashed down right outside our front door.

Today I had a tutorial this morning, then two hours free and then 2 hours lecture. It was quite an interesting lecture and I think I have learnt something new at least.

Before we got home from campus I had a meetup with my study partner for an assignment and I think we will be able to do a fantastic assignment together.

Now I am going to continue working on my essay that is due in 11 days. I hope you have a magical week.

Love, Nea

Self-Care Saturday (kind of)

It Saturday and I thought that I wanted to share a post of self-care again. I have not really had time for this blog this last couple of weeks. I have spent so much time as possible to get into living here in Edinburgh. It’s been scary and amazing at the same time. I really love it here, but I miss my dogs and my family.

I have had problems with anxiety and panic attacks these last couple of weeks. I have and am scared of the world outside the door of our apartment. Every day has been a kind of struggle. I don’t want to go home, but I am tired of being scared. I am tired of the anxiety in my body every damn day. I just want to feel good.

Do you know what I do? I hug my husband a lot. I try and think of things I want to do here in Scotland. Things I want to see. And I try to read as much as possible about Scotland. I take walks with my husband in our Neighbourhood. Edinburgh is a fantastic city. I try talking to new people in school.

Sign that I see almost every day when I walk around the river Leith.

I try as hard as I can to not let my fears and anxiety keep me from living. I am only here for about four months more and I know that I don’t want to miss out because I am scared. I mean, I am here. If I have gotten this far I can do it all.

I know this was not really a self-care Saturday post as I usually did them but I wanted to share this… And maybe I can try to write a better post next Saturday.

Have a fantastic Saturday night. I am going to eat good food and watch The Voice UK.

Love, Nea