World Mental Health Day

Today it’s the World Mental Health Day. And it is to increase the awareness about mental health. This is something that I think is very important. Do you know how many people around the world that have mental health problems? I know that there are a lot more people than we know about. Mental health is just as important as any physical illness.

When I was a child, mental health was not something that I heard about. Not from adults, in school or anything like that. When I started having problems when I was 13 years old, it was so secretive. It felt like I should be ashamed about my problems. I got to go to therapy at a special child psychologist at the hospital and I was so ashamed, because that was how I got the notion from everybody around me. I don’t remember that my parents or brother being ashamed about me, but if I said anything to like a teacher they looked at me like I had grown three more heads.

When I got in to therapy for the second time I was 17 years old and everything came crazing down. I had an unknown illness in an out of hospital up to five times a week and they could not find anything wrong with me. I had to stop going to school and I was just sitting at home in the apartment afraid to do anything. Afraid to go out. Afraid I was going to die when I was alone. All this bought out the worst in me. My depression grew. I got anxious. I had panic attacks. I leaned heavily on my boyfriend and family. I got through it with their help and doctors found my out what unknown illness I had. It turned out I did not just have one, but three that kind of worked together…

Now I live a more “normal” life. I still have to fight with my mental health almost daily. I still have anxiety, panic attacks and get depressed. But I have tools to work with that help. I get the love and support of my husband, family and friends. And I talk about it. I am not ashamed about what has happened to me. I am not ashamed about my mental health, it is part of me. I am not perfect but I am me. I am stronger than most other people, because you know what, I did not give up. And I refuse to crawl into a corner and let life pass me by. My mental health does not define me and I will not let it define you anyone else. You are so much more then your depression, anxiety, panic attacks or what else you are fighting with.

If you have problems with you mental health, please talk to someone. Get help. This is not something you need to go through alone. Talk about what is going on in your mind, don’t be ashamed. There are so many people out there that have the same problems. You can fight this! I believe in you.

And to show you how many people that you know that has mental health problems here is a list of celebrities that have mental health problems (if you click on the links you come to videos or articles where they talk about mental health):

  • Jared Padalecki – depression (Always keep fighting)
  • Adele – depression
  • Ryan Reynolds – anxiety
  • Chrisy Teigen – Postpartum depression
  • Lena Dunham – anxiety
  • Dakota Johnson – Anxiety
  • Emma Stone – Anxiety and Panic Attacks
  • Gina Rodriguez – Anxiety
  • Ellen DeGeneres – Depression
  • Lili Reinhart – Anxiety
  • Lady Gaga – Depression and Anxiety
  • Olivia Munn – OCD
  • J.K. Rowling – Depression
  • Ellie Goulding – Panic Attacks
  • Zendaya – Anxiety
  • Selena Gomez – Anxiety, panic attacks and depression
  • Sarah Silverman – Panic Attacks and Depression
  • Kristen Bell – Depression
  • Gwyneth Paltrow – Postpartum depression
  • Princess Diana – Post-natal depression
  • Cara Delevinge – Depression
  • Chris Evans – Anxiety and Depression
  • Prince Harry – anxiety

“I, for a long time, have been passionate about people dealing with mental illness and struggling with depression, or addiction, or having suicidal thoughts and, strangely enough, it’s almost like the life I live, as well. I was 25 years old. I had my own TV show. I had dogs that I loved and tons of friends and I was getting adoration from fans and I was happy with my work, but I couldn’t figure out what it was; it doesn’t always make sense is my point. It’s not just people who can’t find a job, or can’t fit in in society that struggle with depression sometimes.” ~ Jared Padalecki, to Variety.

“There’s nothing weak about struggling with mental illness,” she wrote in an essay for Motto. “For me, depression is not sadness. It’s not having a bad day and needing a hug. It gave me a complete and utter sense of isolation and loneliness. Its debilitation was all-consuming, and it shut down my mental circuit board. I felt worthless, like I had nothing to offer, like I was a failure. Now, after seeking help, I can see that those thoughts, of course, couldn’t have been more wrong. It’s important for me to be candid about this so people in a similar situation can realize that they are not worthless and that they do have something to offer. We all do. ” ~ Kristen Bell

Kerry Washington told Glamour: “I say that publicly because I think it’s really important to take the stigma away from mental health. My brain and my heart are really important to me. I don’t know why I wouldn’t seek help to have those things be as healthy as my teeth. I go to the dentist. So why wouldn’t I go to a shrink?”

So know this; You are not alone in this. There is help to get. And please don’t be ashamed of your mental health!

Love, Nea

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Motivational Monday – September 16

Good morning! Today I have one of those days where it feels like I have a million things to do and so little time. This week at Uni will be packed and I have a lot of other things to do as well.

Today’s motivational quotes is from one of my favorite actors and role-models. He is an inspiration and I try to live by this quote even though my anxiety makes that hard, most days.

Some days are harder then others not to worry. And I know it can be a struggle living with mental health problems. I am not saying that this is easy for me. I want to be as open as I can here, but sometimes I feel like I need to think more about the positive sides of my life and not just focus on my mental health problems. I fight my anxiety and panic attacks almost daily. And my depression always comes along on the most difficult days. Some days I feel like I am Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh. The daily struggle is increased when I have stress in my life, and right now I got a lot of stress in my life. But I try to deal with it the best I can. It is a work in progress, but I know that if I can do this, so can you!

So now I am going to take a deep breath and try my hardest not to worry. Then I am going to get all the things I need today ready. Pack it and the dogs in the car. Drive to my parents and drop the dogs of there. Then its of to Uni for the day.

I wish you all an amazing week and try not to worry. I know its hard, but I belive in you!

Love, Nea

Last semester

Today my last semester at this University starts, or at least the last planed semester. I am thinking about taking one more semester at uni, maybe not this university. I am going to try and get a meeting with my student counselor and look at the course I want to take.

One of the songs that motivates me right now.

I only have afternoon lectures today, two of them. And the last one ends at six this evening, which means I won’t be home until earliest 7. It’s going to be a long day and I am kind of nervous. This might sound strange, I mean this is my uni, where I already gone for four semesters. But since I went my 5th semester abroad and now I am back here in Sweden, it feels kind of weird. I mean, I am not really the same woman that left Sweden. I feel like I have grown a lot and I know more of what I want in life.

I have always loved my uni, but I loved the Heriot-Watt University as well, and I know I will miss it. But it is really nice to do my last semester here in Sweden. I am looking forward to Autumn and yesterday morning I could almost smell the Autumn in the air. It was cold and crisp. This morning I almost wanted to go inside again because I thought it was so cold, but Zelda was happy just walking and sniffing on everything.

One of the motivating songs I listen to today.

Oracle went with my husband to work earlier this morning and I am dropping Zelda of there on the way to campus. This way I am not alone at home with my nerves, but I do not have to deal with two dogs when I am packing everything up. Plus Oracle gets some extra time alone with my husband, which she really needs.

I can feel my anxiety levels are kind of high right now and it helps me a lot that I have Zelda here at home with me. She is sitting next to me on the sofa right now and the music also helps. I am trying my best to keep myself from spiraling and keep myself grounded. I know I can do this. I also know that I have my husband just a phone call away if I need to talk, which also helps. But now I am going to get ready for my lectures today.

I wish you all an amazing Tuesday.

Love, Nea

Rough Patch

Hey again.. It’s been awhile since I wrote here. And to be honest, I been going through a kind of rough patch. I been feeling and are feeling closed in and trapped in my house. It’s to many people around. Nosy neighbors. It just feels like there is eyes on me every time I leave the house with the dogs. Might sound a bit paranoid, but we have two nosy neighbors. I see them standing in there windows looking and it just does not feel great going out. So I am really looking forward to moving.

My husband is working hard on the renovating and it’s kind of hard for me. Because I feel useless. I feel like I am in the way. My asthma prevents me for helping and I spend my time with the dogs at home. And it sucks. I want to help and I want to do something to help.

Also I am studying for an exam that I have in about a weeks time. The exam I missed, because the term in Edinburgh started before my term here in Sweden had stooped. It’s a law course and it is boring and kind of hard. There are a lot of laws and to learn how to use them correctly and so is hard. I am doing my best, and I hope I get a passable grade.

Now this might be a really boring post for you. But this is my truth. This is whats been going on. I am fight-hing with my mental health almost daily and right now I am in a rough patch. It is going to pass, because I am stronger. Because I am a fighter, but life can’t be easy all the time. And I have to tell you. After a rough patch you always appreciate the good times so much more.

Thankful Tuesday – Oracle

As of last week my oldest dog, Oracle turns 6,5 years old. In many ways she is the reason that I am currently having the life I have. She is the reason I can function almost like a “normal person”. She has helped me with so many of my issues and even though I am still fighting my mental health every day, I now have something I did not have before I got Oracle. I have the courage to do something, even when its hard.

It was my therapist that said I should get a dog and to be honest it was the best advice I ever got from that therapist. I have always dreamt of a dog. Always wanted one, but I grew up being allergic and had asthma, and I still am. But I took an allergy test, because allergies change over time and it had. I was no longer allergic to dogs. I made my boyfriend take a allergy test as well, because what was the point on getting a dog if he was allergic. He is the love of my life and I did not want to make him sick, because of my dreams and hopes. But he was not allergic.

Then came the months and months I researcher dog breads to find a dog that could help me. That could be trained to be my therapy dog. I know you can by a therapy dog, but they are expensive and we did not have that kind of money. No, I needed to fin a dog bred that I could train. I researcher therapy dogs and started to think of what I needed the dog to do.
In the end I had some criteria:
– It had to be a dog that liked to work
– A happy dog bred
– A dog that could be okay with a few days of shorter walks and then walk a few miles another day
– A dog that could be in my lap.

The fact that I needed to have a dog that could be in my lap narrowed down the breeds. I had always wanted a lab or a German Shepard. But these breeds where not the right one. In the end we visited different kennels and found out that the dog for me was a Corgi. In particular a Welsh Corgi Cardigan.

And after almost 1,5 years since I started Oracle was born and my boyfriend (now husband) bought her for me. We visited the kennel three times before we brought her home with us.

Even though I did my research and know all things I thought I needed to know to have a dog, nothing could ever prepare me for the love I feel for Oracle or the bond between us. Or how she would bring so much joy and chaos to my life.

And nothing could ever prepare me for the love she has for my husband (her dad). She is the best dog I ever known and there are a lot of people who thinks she is more human than a dog. She always senses when someone is not doing alright. Then she will do everything in her power to make them feel better. I have seen it with me, my father (he has heart problems) and with a few friends that been having a rough time. She has a heart of gold and I can honestly say I don’t know where I would have been without her in my life. Probably not sitting her, planing for the last term before I take my Batchelers Degree and so happy with my life I sometimes think I will burst.

I wish you all an amazing Tuesday. I am going to spend this day at home with the dogs, studying and packing. And being grateful to having my dogs as part of my family.

Love, Nea

Roller coaster week

Do you ever have a week that is like a roller coaster? I have had that kind of week.. Its been so many amazing moments, some kind of life changing, and then some really lows. And I want to share this with you. I think it’s kind of important to talk about my low points, but also the high points in my life.

So if I start with last Saturday. I had an amazing day. Kind of life changing for me, because I did something I have never done before. And to be honest its something kind of crazy. Or I don’t really think it is crazy, but I know that a lot of people around me will find this crazy. I dyed my hair pink. Or I got help from my lovely sister-in-law Felicia. She is really amazing.

The color in my hair.

So now I have pink hair and I love it. This is something I been wanting to do since I was like 11-12 years old, but I have never in my whole life dyed my hair. This is not an ad, but for you who wonders I used Arctic Fox’s Virgin Pink on my unbleached hair. And the result is what you see down below. So now I have pink hair and I love it. This is something I been wanting to do since I was like 11-12 years old, but I have never in my whole life dyed my hair.

The reason why I chose Arctic Fox is because: Arctic Fox is vibrant, cruelty-free, vegan semi-permanent hair (taken from Arctic Fox Website). (NOT AN AD).

My hair when its been dyed. I love it so much!

Then on Sunday I had a kind of dip, because I had some minor panic attacks and actually did not feel so secure in our house. I don’t really know what happen except I had some flashbacks, that triggered anxiety in me. But my husband helped me through it.

Monday was an amazing day. We officially got the keys to our new house. I have been keeping quiet about this for a long time, because it been some uncertainties, but now it is ours. So we (read my husband) is going to do some renovating and then we plan on moving in the end of summer, if everything goes according to our plans. I will write more about the house later, because it is really special for me.

Our new house!!

Then on Tuesday, my husband helped his brother moving into his farm, and he was gone the entire day and long into the night. I am starting to get used to my husband being back at work, but then he is usually back at home by 6 pm, but he was not back until after midnight and I had a bad day with panic attacks and anxiety so it was kind of a bad day for me. But a really good day for my brother-in-law to finally move in to the farm.

I also got the my grades on Thursday. My grades for my time in Edinburgh. I been waiting on them for some time and I have been kind of nervous about how it has gone. But I am so happy. I got two A:s and two B:s. I ended up crying some and also doing a happy dance.

Then on Wednesday was so and so day. Kind of boring, but kind of okay. My cold came back, so I spent most of my day under a blanket on the sofa with our two dogs reading books and watching JAG.

Thursday my husband started working some on our new house, or more on our new house. And found that the floor in the room that is going to be our bedroom has an old wooden floor under the carpet. It is untreated so we can probably do something fun with it. Hopefully it is like that under the carpet in the room that will be our office as well.

Then yesterday was both really good day and a kind of hard day. I found out that my name change has gone through, so now I have my husbands last name. I know its been almost one year since we got married, but because everything in Edinburgh was in my maiden name, we decided to wait until we moved home again for me to change. But I am so happy to finally have his last name.

And then in the evening I had flashbacks and anxiety. It was not funny at all, and I had moments I was so scared. My dogs helped a lot and when my husband came home it helped as well. But I slept really bad and today I feel like a zombie, and I am wondering if I should get some sleep.

Today my husband is helping my brother-in-law with some moving as well. Hopefully they will get the last things moved today, but I don’t really know. I am currently home alone with the dogs and it feels okay, which means that I am starting to feel better. One thing I can say is that you can’t let your bad days or moments bring you down. Concentrate on the good things in your life.

I wish you all an amazing Saturday!

Love, Nea

Spring Break

As of this Monday, I have Spring Break. Monday was a really good day. I handed in an essay and got the grad for two other essays I have done. I got an A on both of them.

But right now I am going trough a rough patch. I should be out exploring the city with my husband. Instead I am sitting in the couch writing. Because it helps me with all the feelings that I have right now. My husband is amazing and supportive, but I know it’s hard for him seeing me like this. He is doing his best to get me out of my funk. But I feel so tired. All I want to do is sleep, but when I sleep I sleep bad. I am anxious and I don’t know how to explain it.

I am working on getting better. But the stress from the last week of school is getting to me. I hope that I will feel better soon, I want to see more of what Edinburgh has to offer. And next week we will get a visit from my mother, brother, nephew and sister-in-law. I am looking forward to it. I haven’t seen them since the beginning of January.. More then 3 months.

One of the reasons why I haven’t been active here in a while is school work and that I have been feeling drained. I hope you understand that. I want to write more. I want to share more of my feelings and what is happening in my life. And I hope I can do that.

Now I am going to go back to writing and listening to music. My husband is working so I don’t want to get in his way.

I hope you all have an amazing week and if you are going through a rough patch: Please Keep Fighting. Never Give Up!!