Motivational Monday ~April 12th

It’s Monday and we are having real April weather here where I live. Yesterday was sunny and windy, then in the evening it started to rain. This morning it was snow everywhere. About 0,2 meters have come down during the night, and it’s still snowing. But it’s suppose to go over in rain later today. So April weather.

As I have mentioned before I am struggling with my mental health at the moment. This makes me try and think more positive and change my thoughts. So Motivational Monday is important to me, since it kind of starts my week of in a right mindset. I try to find quotes on Google or on Pinterest. This morning this quote was one that I thought was fitting.

Being an optimist is not always easy, but having a more positive outlook always helps me. I always try and see the glass as half full instead of half empty. And being optimistic can help turn bad thoughts into better thoughts. We need to be kind to ourselves just as we would be to a friend who are struggling.

So be as nice to yourself as you would your best friend and try and keep a possitive mind, I know it’s hard, but don’t forget you are amazing!

Love, Nea

2021 and never give up!

Trigger warning: Mental Health, suicide thoughts, self harm thoughts

I saw a post on Tumblr today that just hit me. It stood: Reblog this if you didn’t think you’d make it to 2021. And I had to reblog it because If I am being honest. I did not think I would make it to this year. I did not think I would make it till 2008 if I am being honest. And now here I am well past my 18 birthday, in fact I am turning 31 next week. Which is crazy to think about.

I remember when I was 15 years old , this was 2005. I had no real friends to talk to, or at least so it felt. A lot of the time it felt like I was only there when they needed help, but they were never there for me. My parents had a lot on their plate and I felt like I could not confine in them what I was struggling with. My brother and I was not getting along, at least not in a way we could talk. He was 18 and growing up. I was struggling both my mental and physical health. Doctors did not listen to what I was saying. I felt alone. I was thinking about hurting myself, or worse. I was in a dark place. A really dark place.

I will not go into more details, because I feel like going down back to those thoughts might be a bit like going down the rabbit hole. All I can say is that things turned around for me. It was not easy or in a snap. And many of you know I am still struggling and fighting my mental health. As well as my physical health is still a problem. But I found people I can trust. I found the love of my life that stands by my side through it all and helps me when I need it or motivates and pushes me when I need that. I also know not to give up when doctors or mental health professionals don’t listen and find someone who does.

Always keep fighting. Never Give Up!

Now I am turning 31 next week and I can still not believe it some days. I want to go back in time to that scared girl that is in so much pain and darkness and tell her it will be okay. That she needs to continue fighting. That she can do it. I wish I could show her what my life is like now.

And to all of you that are struggling and are in a dark place. Don’t stop fighting. It will get better. It will get easier. If I can do it, then I know you can do it! I believe in you!!

Love, Nea

Depression and hate

TRIGGER ALLERT. Talk about depression, suicide, rape, murder, hate crimes.

I have thought about writing this post for more than a week. It feels like the world is getting more and more ugly. What I mean is why is there so much hate. Murders and hate crimes are increasing in number. Women are raped, and when they come forward they are put on trial by the media. Just the other last week of the leading news shows in Sweden where talking about this prominent man that been booked because a women has stepped forward and pressed charges against him for raped. The report was angled so the woman was just as much on trail, if not more, than this man. The woman has pressed charges against men before, and that was brought up. What the hell does that have to do with things? Many women has been sexually assaulted before. And the district attorney that has boked this man has strong evidence that he is guilt. It just makes me so mad. And now the charges have been dropped and he get to be in prime time tv talking about how he has not raped her. They were just drunk and even though she had declined his kisses and hugs and hands on her earlier in the evening, she was not raped. He also said he did not grope her, he just got a bit handsy and that is apparently fine. I am so mad and sad right now and I can not understand what that woman is going trough.

Every day when I read or listen to the news, all I see is hate. A Man killing Asian women in the USA and claims it is not racism. What else could it be? He targeted Asian women. And the statistics show an increase of hate crimes against people with Asian descent since Covid spread through the world a year ago. Can this be because people who suppose to be leaders have been blaming China? Fueling the hate? Look at the moob that took over Capitolium. Those where terrorists. And Trump once again showing the world who he is.

Look at the Black Lives Matter Movement. How many black lives have to be destroyed before the world does something? How many more lives has to be taken before the world changes? Are the entire world on the way to be just like Germany was under Hitler? Why can’t we just love each other? We all come from the same place a long long time ago. We are all one race.

Then we can talk about Mental health problems. How they are laughed at, or disbelieved when someone talks about it. Look at Meghan Markle. How the press has portrayed her. How they have hounded her. How they have twisted everything around. I believe her when she said she did not want to live anymore. Do you know why I believe her? Because I been their. I have had zero interest in continuing my life and that scared me. My dark thought were taking over my life and they scared me. I did something. I turned to people and I got help. Listening to Meghan Markle talk about it. Being open about it. All I could think about what a strong person she is. How I wished I had the strength to do the same. All I can do. All I have the strength to do. Is write about it here. It is safe to do. You don’t see me sitting here between having to fight my tears. You don’t judge my, or maybe you do, but I am safe behind the screen of my computer. Or at least I feel safe.

I don’t know about you. But I am sick and tired of this hate. I am sitting here writing something that I might get shit for. I am sitting here writing, while I am fighting my own depression. I am not suicidal, but I am depressed. I have a darkness in me at the moment and I am fighting it every why I can. I am trying to see the good in people. I am trying to get the hope back. I am praying for the world to change. I am praying for love and hope. I am praying that the hate crimes, the police brutality, the rapes, the way women are treated and oh so many more horrible things just to stop. I am praying for you. I am praying for your neighbour. I am praying for my friends and family. I am praying for human kind.

This is part of why I been silent here for awhile. I have wanted to write something, but my depression and anxiety has kept me quiet. Not any more. We all need to make this stop. We are living in 2021, why is things like this still happening?

Motivational Monday ~ First of March

New week and a new month. I don’t know if you have this yet, but this weekend gave a real feeling of spring. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and the sky was so blue. It was beautiful and I spent a lot of time outside with the dogs. You could spring in the air and I know that we will have a few setbacks before spring is really here, but I thought about planting spring flowers and buying daffodils.

As you might know if you been reading my other posts, I am currently working on my master thesis. The subject of this thesis has been changed, but I am actually really excited about it. It will be more difficult, but I also think more rewarding. I am learning a lot and I am looking forward to doing this project. But at the same time my anxiety is making me question my decision. Am I good enough? Will I fail? Will my thesis be accepted? But I have made it this far and I am not going to stop. I am strong enough and I am not going to fail as long as I don’t give up.

This brings me to this weeks motivational quote. I do not know who has said this, but it’s something that I have heard in therapy as well from people online.

So keep trying and know that this makes you strong. And as long as you are trying and not giving up, then you are not failing. You are doing your best, and that is enough!

Now I need to go back to studying! Have an fantastic week!

Love, Nea

Life happens

In the middle of January I started my fifth year at University. Saying it out loud seems crazy, for two reasons. First, because a lot of people did not think I would even make it through one term at University because of my mental health problems. If you were one of them, well than I just want to say: “Fuck you!” I am stronger than you thought.

Secondly, because I was only planing on studying at University for 3 years to take my Bachelors Degree, which I have taken, but life happens. Or more exactly I had one exam hanging over me when I finished the thesis in the begining of January last year, so I had to retake it in March. Which meant that I studied one more term to have something to do while I waited to retake that exam. Than Covid happend and a lot of places would not hire people right out of University, so I countinued to study. And now I am here working on my Masters Thesis and If I take one more term after the summer I will have my Masters. And that sounds even more crazy.

I have showed so many people who doubted me that I am stronger than they think and that I will not be defined or limited by my mental health. It has not always been easy doing this, but with the support of my husband and my family and friends I have done this. I also managed to study one term abroad in Edinburgh, an experience I will always value.

I have lost a couple friends over the time, but that is mostly people who can’t handle my success or that have not been able to handle that I still have mental health problems. But I am better without these people. The friends I have gotten over the time I have studied that have stayed with me are true friends. The kind you can call whenever just to talk.

If I can do this then I know that you can go after what you want as well! Go after your dreams.

Love, Nea

Motivational Monday ~ January 25

First post of 2021, a bit late, but this year has been hectic so far. And I have kind of been in a bad headspace in the beginning of the year. My mental health has been down and I been fighting to keep my head over over water. My husband has been an amazing support to me these past weeks, like he always is, and he has helped me through a lot. I am feeling better, but know I have a way to go before I am on top again.

Last Monday I started a new term and now I am writing on my Masters Thesis together with another girl. We are only in the beginning of our writing but I think it will go good. Although is never bad to start Mondays of with some motivation, so here is the quote for this week.

I believe a lot in keeping a positive attitude and believing in yourself. I know its hard to do when you are depressed or when everything is going to hell. I been fighting depression for a lot of years, but I am still trying to always have a positive attitude and believe in myself. Because I know I can do it.

I hope you can believe in yourself as well, because I believe in you. You can do this!

Love, Nea

150 %

Yesterday was Monday and I did not post a Motivational Monday post. And the reason why was that I yesterday started studying 150 % and had three lectures back to back with only one hours lunch. I did not have time to write a post in the morning, since I needed to wake up, take care of the dogs and get ready for my day. My lunch hour was spent trying to calm down and get through the rest of the day. I though about posting a motivational post today, but so far I have studied, watched a recorded lecture and planed a bit of my studying for the next couple of days.

Some of you might wonder why I did not just write my Motivational Monday post this weekend and then schedule it. The truth is I did not think about it. I spent this weekend kind of stressed over my next 10 weeks with all the study load I have and how I will make it work with my dogs, having time for my husband and family as well as having time for housework and me time.

I am going to try and get a Motivational Monday Post out next week, but we will see. I have my first assignment due on Monday.

I wish you all a fantastic week and keep on fighting. I know I will.

Love, Nea

Motivational Monday ~ 26th of October

Another Monday and time for Motivational Monday. I am currently sitting in my living room with two sleeping dogs on either side of me. The dogs love sleeping in on Mondays and hate when I go up to early. After breakfast and a short time outside they can easily sleep until noon. And the grey and wet weather we been having here in Sweden also makes them more likely to sleep a lot.

Todays motivational quotes is motivational for me, but I can’t say if it is that for anyone else. You could say it’s more about mindset and less about motivation, but I think about this when I am struggling against my depression. I think about how many years I been having my mental health problems and the fact that I have always, always gotten out on the other side. I will not let my depression, anxiety and panic attacks win over me. Therefore this is a quote that helps me.

This motivates me because I kicked my depressions ass a few times and that makes me stronger. That tells me I can do it again and I know that you can as well. You just need to believe in yourself. As well as remember there are no shame in getting help or asking for help. There are a lot of places out there to get help and it is always a good idea to do if you feel like you can’t do it on your own.

I will use this quote as kind of a mantra for myself this week, since it will be a kind of trying week for me. The whole house is a mess, since we got rid of a big display cabinet this weekend and everything is all over the house. We are also moving around all the furniture in our livingroom because the way we put the furniture when we moved in last December is not working out.

I wish you all fantastic week and take care of yourself.

Love, Nea

Motivational Monday – 19th October

It’s Monday again and it’s a late post today. I usually want to post Motivational Monday in the morning, but time has run past so fast this morning. I have been planing my week and started my order for food I am going to pick-up tomorrow afternoon. Since Covid is still here and I am in a risk-group I order food online to pick up at a drive-in at my favorite store. And it is easy to pick up.

I have had a few rough weeks. I am not ready to talk about it again, but my depression is back. I am fighting against every day, because I know it is a fight that I need to do. I don’t want to fall down deeper in my depression and I do things that make me happy. As well as trying to be out for a while if the sun is out.

The quote for today is something that a therapist I had told me and I need to remember this again today. Well, I think I need to remember this always.

This is important. Remember that there is no rush. Take it in your own pace and that all the progress you do is progress. Even if it is as simple as having panic about being outside alone. If you take on step outside your door and stand there for one minute. It is still progress. It is still a step.

I have a lot of things I am working on with my mental health. Some days are easy. Some days are a constant battle. But every progress I do, even small small steps are progress. Be kind to yourself and keep on fighting.

I wish you an amazing week and remember that you are stronger then you think.

Love, Nea

PS. This is the first time I share the quotes as a video.. What do you think?

I forgot

Another Week and no Motivational Monday post yesterday. The reason. I forgot. I know that sounds weird but last week was a bad week. I have been in a kind of argument over mail with one of my professors about my course and I kind of got more depressed.

Then I spent the weekend painting half of the hallway on the second floor. I only painted half because of all the furniture and having to move everything around. But now half the hallway is fixed and the other half needs to be painted. That might not happen this year. But we will see. I painted the hallway white, but I am thinking about maybe doing it in a kind of light blue later, but I don’t know. The white is a good ground if we do it in a different colour.

Today I have had a relax day with Zelda. Oracle has been at my husbands office the whole day so I have spent a lot of time just giving Zelda attention and love. Right now she is laying in my lap sleeping enjoying some alone time with her mum. I have also been in to the city helping my father picking up food as well as pick up food for us. I love that my favorite store has online shopping and then like a drive through to pick it up. Wonderful during these COVID 19 times. They also drive out food but we live to far away.

Now I am going to light a fire in our fireplace and enjoy the peace and quiet before my husband and Oracle comes home. I wish you all a fantastic week!

Love, Nea