Hey everybody, I am alive.. It’s been so long since I posted here but between writing my Bachelors thesis and preparing to move to the new house. There have not been a lot of time for anything for a couple of months, but I hope to be able to continue posting here soon.
The stress of everything has been bad for my mental health. I have had more panic attacks and I have been more anxious. I know that it is the stress and I am just trying to work through it the best I can. Some periods in ones life are harder then other, but I want to feel the ups and down in my life. It helps me with my writing and feeling like a human.
It is 10 days to Christmas and I am looking forward to spending some time with my family and maybe have a couple of days without studying. And hopefully wake up in the new house on Christmas. But we will see.
Today I am going to shop for some Christmas food with my mum and then I am going to pack and wash cloths. And Probably watch a Christmas movie.
Today the first snow of the season fell. It was so beautiful and we took the morning walk with the dogs in it. I just love snow. But of course, it melted away when it hit the ground. But the cold weather is coming this week and I hope we get a proper white Christmas and winter this year.
I spent the weekend studying for my exam on Friday. I really need this exam to go well. And I also have a presentation on Tuesday that is very important for me because it is in front of some people who works for the company I want to work for in the future.
Yesterday evening my husband and I went to two different cemeteries to light candles for our loved one who is no longer with us. It is a tradition to do once a year. I have heard it is called All Saints’ Day in English, but I don’t know if it is true. It is so beautiful with all the candles lit at the cemeteries. And we visited the grave of a where special person, a family friend, who died when I was studying in Edinburgh. I have not had the courage to visit his grave since I came home. But yesterday I did and we left a candle burning on his grave. I cried and got to say my goodbye for real. Because it became real when I saw his name. He really is gone. And he is missed.
I just wanted to stop by with this short post and let you know that I am still alive, but I can’t guarantee I will be able to post anything this week. Maybe next weekend. I need to study for my exam. I wish you all a fantastic week.
I been away from this blog for a couple of weeks now, and the reason is that I have not had the time or energy to write anything. I been studying for at least 50 hours a week. It has drained my energy and I still have all the other “normal” things to do. Like housework and try and spend time with my husband and dogs. I am stressed almost every hour and sleep where badly. This affects my anxiety, so I am really not feeling myself.
I am fighting to keep my mood up and keep on going. I know that it is going to be a couple of more hard weeks and then I hope it is going to be better. If not, well then I just need to keep going anyway. I am a fighter and I am so close to getting my degree. I am not going to fall down on the finish line.
But good news, the renovation on the new house is going forward and we hope to be able to move in this year. I am hoping on November, but I been an optimist before.
Now I really need to go back to studying. I just wanted to let you all know I am alive. I wish you all an amazing week.
Today it’s the World Mental Health Day. And it is to increase the awareness about mental health. This is something that I think is very important. Do you know how many people around the world that have mental health problems? I know that there are a lot more people than we know about. Mental health is just as important as any physical illness.
When I was a child, mental health was not something that I heard about. Not from adults, in school or anything like that. When I started having problems when I was 13 years old, it was so secretive. It felt like I should be ashamed about my problems. I got to go to therapy at a special child psychologist at the hospital and I was so ashamed, because that was how I got the notion from everybody around me. I don’t remember that my parents or brother being ashamed about me, but if I said anything to like a teacher they looked at me like I had grown three more heads.
When I got in to therapy for the second time I was 17 years old and everything came crazing down. I had an unknown illness in an out of hospital up to five times a week and they could not find anything wrong with me. I had to stop going to school and I was just sitting at home in the apartment afraid to do anything. Afraid to go out. Afraid I was going to die when I was alone. All this bought out the worst in me. My depression grew. I got anxious. I had panic attacks. I leaned heavily on my boyfriend and family. I got through it with their help and doctors found my out what unknown illness I had. It turned out I did not just have one, but three that kind of worked together…
Now I live a more “normal” life. I still have to fight with my mental health almost daily. I still have anxiety, panic attacks and get depressed. But I have tools to work with that help. I get the love and support of my husband, family and friends. And I talk about it. I am not ashamed about what has happened to me. I am not ashamed about my mental health, it is part of me. I am not perfect but I am me. I am stronger than most other people, because you know what, I did not give up. And I refuse to crawl into a corner and let life pass me by. My mental health does not define me and I will not let it define you anyone else. You are so much more then your depression, anxiety, panic attacks or what else you are fighting with.
If you have problems with you mental health, please talk to someone. Get help. This is not something you need to go through alone. Talk about what is going on in your mind, don’t be ashamed. There are so many people out there that have the same problems. You can fight this! I believe in you.
And to show you how many people that you know that has mental health problems here is a list of celebrities that have mental health problems (if you click on the links you come to videos or articles where they talk about mental health):
“I, for a long time, have been passionate about people dealing with mental illness and struggling with depression, or addiction, or having suicidal thoughts and, strangely enough, it’s almost like the life I live, as well. I was 25 years old. I had my own TV show. I had dogs that I loved and tons of friends and I was getting adoration from fans and I was happy with my work, but I couldn’t figure out what it was; it doesn’t always make sense is my point. It’s not just people who can’t find a job, or can’t fit in in society that struggle with depression sometimes.” ~ Jared Padalecki, to Variety.
“There’s nothing weak about struggling with mental illness,” she wrote in an essay for Motto. “For me, depression is not sadness. It’s not having a bad day and needing a hug. It gave me a complete and utter sense of isolation and loneliness. Its debilitation was all-consuming, and it shut down my mental circuit board. I felt worthless, like I had nothing to offer, like I was a failure. Now, after seeking help, I can see that those thoughts, of course, couldn’t have been more wrong. It’s important for me to be candid about this so people in a similar situation can realize that they are not worthless and that they do have something to offer. We all do. ” ~ Kristen Bell
Kerry Washington told Glamour: “I say that publicly because I think it’s really important to take the stigma away from mental health. My brain and my heart are really important to me. I don’t know why I wouldn’t seek help to have those things be as healthy as my teeth. I go to the dentist. So why wouldn’t I go to a shrink?”
So know this; You are not alone in this. There is help to get. And please don’t be ashamed of your mental health!
As some of you might know from other posts. I am really clumsy. I walk into furniture, I fall down a lot and most things I do can go wrong. Well let me tell you about yesterday.
So I was having a nice quiet morning in the sofa, listening to music in my headphones not to wake up my husband. I had eaten breakfast and was trying to just relax. When one of my dogs, Oracle started getting stressed and walking and whining. I knew this meant she needed to go out, so I quietly put on more cloths because it was like -4 Celsius outside. And went out with Oracle. So far so good. But when we where back after our walk I drooped my keys down between our stairs and the locked door. Not good. I could not reach it even how much I tired and I could not move the stairs. Not good at all. I tried to keep Oracle quiet while I tried to get a hold of my husband. I tried calling both his work mobile and his private mobile. I tried messenger. I was also knocking like crazy on the door. Both me and Oracle was getting frustrated and cold.
After a while I messaged my brother, because he lives in the same town as us and has a key, but they where not at home. I felt kind of defeated, but then my husband woke up and let us in. Now I can laugh at my clumsiness, but right then I was so mad at myself.
So what can I say. The clumsiness continues. But that is just me. I am stating to get used to it now. And my husband too.
It’s is Monday and I am at home. I am actually going to be home this whole day. We finished out project on Friday and the day to hand it in is tomorrow before a lecture, so the plan for the day is to study for my exam next week.
So Monday means a motivational post from me and this saying always makes me smile. It is one that I heard for the first time from one of my teachers many when I was like 14 years old and it has kind of stuck with me since then. It is also this weeks quotes in my home made calendar. So it is fitting that I share it here with you.
Good saying isn’t it. I think we all need to be more positive in our life. I know that life can knock you down and it can all feel very negative, but there is almost always some way to spin it into a positive. Almost always.
Some days I have a big problem to be positive, but I try. For my sake, but also people around me. A negative person can easily pull down people around them and I don’t want to be that kind of a person.
I hope you like the days quote. And I wish you all an magical week!
Yesterday did not go as planed at all. My parents where suppose to have the dogs until tonight, but my mum was not feeling well. So we had the dogs home over the evening and the night. Today my parents have the dogs over the day and then after Uni today I am getting them back. My parents are helping us with the dogs a lot and I am so grateful for it. But my mind was so set on a evening alone, without no dogs and no husband. Now I got a evening with the dogs. And a very grumpy Oracle. She was so mad at me yesterday.
It all began when my mum was cutting Oracles claws and she accidentally cut too much, so there was a lot of blood. Blood on the floor, on the dog and well it felt like everywhere. I know I am exaggerating, but I have a problem with blood, I get lightheaded and I have passed out. This might sound strange, but if it is a stranger that’s bleeding I can handle it, but if it is someone I care about, I can’t. At least not if I am not alone with the one that bleeds. I know this is so weird, but it’s just how it is. I think it might have something to do with my anxiety. Like it triggers something in me. Maybe some kind of fears to lose someone I care about.
Any how, after that the bleeding would not stop, not for long at least because Oracle wanted to lick her paws clean. So it started bleeding again. So we had to put a bandage on Oracles paw and then a kind of protective sock. She hates this. It makes her grumpy and she was showing me her feelings about it the whole evening. It is hard to tell a dog that it is for her best, even though I feel like she understands most things that I tell her, I know we have different opinions about this. I hope she will be less grumpy this evening. I just want to cuddle down under a blanket on the sofa and maybe get some writing done. And I hope that the dogs want to cuddle down with me. But we will just have to see.
Today my friends and I are hoping to get our project finished so we can have a day at home on Monday to study for our exam. So please keep your fingers crossed for us. Now I really need to get to it. I will try and take time to write here soon again.