Good Bye 2020!

2020 is coming to an end and I am sitting here thinking about the year. It’s been a year that many people are looing forward to putting behind them. You could say I am the same, but I also thankful for what the year has teached me as well as that the year has made me appreciate my family more.

As some of you might have figured this year has been very hard for me, as well as other people with mental health problems. Being home in once house not being at uni or out and about as I usually am I have grown to understand that even though I am an introvert I need to be surrounded by people. Not all the time, but more than I have been this year. I been mostly at home in our small house in the middle of the woods. Since Marsh. It’s been challenging not to sleep all day and night. It’s been challenging not to let myself get lost in depression. I have got questions of why I am depressed. I have a happy marriage and are crazy about my husband. I live in a house away from people like I always wanted. I am studying and following my dreams. I have two amazing dogs. And so on and so on. But the thing that most people who do not have mental health challenges is that you can be depressed even if you are happy. I can’t help it that I some days struggle to get out of bed. That I have dark thoughts. I am working on it a lot, specially during autumn.

This year I have come to realise that I am stronger than I think and I have grown closer to my husband. He has gotten an understanding about my mental health that has been more honest than before. I have been more honest with my feelings and thoughts. Not only with my husband but with the people that are closest to me. I won’t be quiet about my struggels. I won’t keep my moth shut.

I have also learnt to find my triggers. What triggers me so I get anxius? What triggers me so I get panic attacks? and then makeing sure I can handel it. Not run for the hills, but mange to get through it in a different way than before. Thinking happy thoughts are not always a sullution and now I am facing a lot of things head on. Why did that tv-show trigger me? Why did that song trigger me? and so on. I feel it is important to know more about what is happening to me and being in isolation has helped a lot with that.

Another thing that has become clearer this year is my dreams, hopes and plans. I have a lot. I have 5 year plans, 10 year plans and so on. I know my own worth in a different way and truley belive that I deserv to feel great about myself. That I deserv to go after what I want. And I am happy to inform that my husband feels the same.

I am thankfull for my husband that always supports me, motivates me and makes me laugh. He is the only one that I can see myself spend my life with and he makes me happy.

I am thankful for my family. My parents, my brother, my sister-in-law, my necies and nephews, my brother-in-laws and my mother-in-law. The support and love I get from them are big part of me being able to study and fighting my mental health problems.

I am thankful for my best friend Cat. Even though she lives in Edinburgh she is a person I know is there for me. I can always count on her. And I miss her like crazy. Without her this year, I do not know how I would have made it.

And I am thankful for all my other friends that make me laugh. That support me.

And lastly but not the least. I am thankful for you. You who reads this. You who follow me. Thank you!

So with that I wish you all a happy new year! I hope that you all are staying safe and taking care of each other.

Love, Nea

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